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> APRIL 2007 April 30, 2007 - Diamondbacks 9, Dodgers 1 Dodgers come up just short Scoreless from the third inning to the seventeenth on Sunday, the listless Dodger offense went another six innings Monday before pushing across a run. The Dodgers ended the game with a whopping five hits, and their ninth inning rally (which consisted of a Mike Lieberthal single and... well... that's it) came up just short—eight runs short. It could have been more embarrassing for the Dodgers though, who saw the Diamondbacks strand sixteen guys on base. So, April is in the books, and the Dodgers finished it by losing six of their last eight. Jason Schmidt is an unknown, Juan Pierre's glove is a known, and Olmedo Saenz's best burrito days might be behind him. To top it off, now I don't like guys named Wilson. We all know about Wilson Betemit, but now it's Wilson Valdez who is one for his last sixteen. You know who's not named Wilson? James Loney. April
29, 2007 - Dodgers 5, Padres 4 With the Dodgers finally up by a run in the bottom of the seventeenth, the Padres put two guys on against Chad Billingsley. Pitching coach Rick Honeycutt went to the mound, obviously to threaten his young pitcher. "Look, kid," Honeycutt likely said, "We've been playing for five hours and we're two outs away from going home. Get your shit together or we'll have to bring in Betemit to pitch." While Rafael Furcal wrapped himself in blue gauze, Billingsley definitely got his shit together, striking out the side. Happily for all involved (except Betemit, of course), the Dodgers crawled away with a 5-4 win. The game began well for the Dodgers, who scored two runs in the first and had back-to-back homers from Jeff Kent and Luis Gonzalez in the third. The Padres inched to within a run, however, and eventually took advantage of Derek Lowe's leadoff walk in the seventh to tie the game. There it stood for ten innings, until Brady Clark—who had been 0-for-5 and was picked off in the 15th—doubled in Wilson Valdez. Even more surprising than Brady Clark coming through was the performance of the Dodger bullpen. Over 10 2/3 innings, the pen allowed just one hit. (Figures it was Rudy Seanez.) April
26, 2007 - Giants 5, Dodgers 4 In reality, the Dodgers blew the game long before Nomar stepped up in the ninth, though. After scoring one in the first, the Dodgers came right back in the second—that is, until Juan Pierre failed to do the one thing he's actually capable of: bunting. By the time Pierre realized the squeeze was on, he looked like a deer in the headlights and couldn't get the bat on the ball. Ethier was tagged out in a rundown, and the rally was dead. The Dodgers left eight guys on base, blowing opportunities to break the game open in the third inning (when Wilson Betemit fanned with the bases loaded) and sixth inning (when Rafael Furcal could only nub one in front of the plate with guys at the corners). With ten hits, a walk, and three hit batters, you've got to find a way to push more than three guys across the plate. Of course, it doesn't help that the so-called "spark plugs" at the top of the lineup are completely devoid of spark. Furcal's OBP is.250, with Pierre's at .298. Hell, even ugly fourth graders get to first base more often than that. A fourth grader also might have been able to catch Ray Durham's fly ball in the eighth inning. The ball glanced off Pierre's glove, scoring the go-ahead run and changing the game. Whether he needed to leave his feet, reach a little further, or just get a better jump, that's a ball that $45 million better catch. While the scoreboard reminded fans on Thursday night that Pierre didn't make an error last year in 384 chances, it's 2007 now... and he looks like Billy Ashley. Thursday's loss is the Dodgers' fourth in a row, gives the Giants a sweep and a tie for first, and puts the Padres and Rockies just a game back. That's okay, it's only April, right? No reason to panic, right? No reason to send Betemit to single-A, right? No reason to think twice about that Grady Little autographed cock ring you just bought, right? There is reason, however, for me to stop going to games. First of all, the Dodgers are 1-4 this season when I've been at the stadium. Second, you assholes have finally caught on and have started taking my free parking spots off of Stadium Way. And third, I'd rather go to sleep before 1:00 am. Sleep tight, Kim Ng. (Whatever the hell that means.) April
25, 2007 - Giants 6, Dodgers 4 A fool? Perhaps. An idiot? Maybe. A douchebag? Sometimes. But even being a foolish idiotic douchebag, I still know that there are 162 games in a season, and if you wet your fucking pants over two good weeks, you're going to be wearing some smelly clothes for the rest of the summer. Well, those angry emails stopped coming in this week. Hmmmm... wonder why. Oh, that's right, maybe it's because they've lost three games in a row, no longer have the best record in baseball, and are a game away from falling out of first place. Look, it doesn't make me happy that they've lost three in a row, it just makes me happy that I was prepared for it. Like the two games prior, the Dodgers were down from the start on Wednesday night. Before retiring a batter, Randy Wolf was hammered for four runs—three coming on Barry Bonds' 741st home run. Wolf allowed another home run in the 6th, and the Giants added another in the eighth against Jonathan Broxton, who didn't feel it necessary to keep Dave Roberts close at first base. Dave Roberts? Steal? Nah. Meanwhile, the Dodger offense sputtered, getting just seven hits. Nomar Garciaparra, Luis Gonzalez, and Andre Ethier (who actually made a nice diving catch) went hitless, and Juan-for-Four Pierre went, well, 1-for-4. Wilson Betemit didn't play, but still managed to strike out three times. In the broadcast booth, Vin Scully stayed busy by keeping a running tally of Noah Lowry's success against lefties.
Pierre comes to the plate, bunts… out.
Ethier grounds to short.
Pierre grounds to shortstop.
Gonzo strikes out.
Either grounds into fielder’s choice.
Wolf strikes out.
Pierre grounds out to pitcher.
Gonzo grounds out to second.
Ethier strikes out.
Pierre singles (thank god).
Thanks, Rainman... Definitely twenty minutes to Wapner. (And, yes, I'm going to hell for ranting about Vinny. Spare me the hatemail.) April
22, 2007 - Pirates 7, Dodgers 5 Pierre was about thirty feet past the edge of the infield when he dropped Jason Bay's pop-up with Jack Wilson on third base. I don't know what was more pathetic: Pierre's inability to catch the ball or the fact that Wilson was tagging because he knew Pierre couldn't throw him out from 150 feet away. Actually, it was probably less humiliating for Pierre to drop the ball than to get off a throw that would only make it to the pitcher's mound. Adding to the frustration of watching Juan Pierre in the outfield, the Dodgers flirted with another late-inning comeback. After Chad Billingsley gave up two runs in the seventh to let the Pirates creep away, the Dodgers came back with two in the eighth. Russell Martin came to the plate with the bases loaded, exciting the crowd of 46,000, but had to settle for a sacrifice fly. It figures, when he needs the sac fly, he hits a grand slam. When he needs the slam, he picks up a sac fly. Christ, can't he do anything right?
April
21, 2007 - Dodgers 7, Pirates 3 While the Dodgers definitely earned their runs in the 10th inning, they'd have to admit that they got lucky in the ninth. Actually, luck doesn't have much to do with it. If they tied the game in the bottom of the ninth on two wild pitches and a throwing error against the Mets, that might be luck. When you tie the game in the bottom of the ninth on two wild pitches and a throwing error against the Pirates, though, that's just called 'baseball'. Some credit, I suppose, should go to Wilson Valdez, who didn't hesitate to scamper home when Salomon Torres uncorked his second wild pitch of the at-bat. (If Valdez had been nailed at the plate, of course, he'd be Asshole of the Moment right now.) The late-inning comeback may have been special on Saturday, but it was a typical Dodgers-Pirates game in one sense: Vin Scully told the Jack Wilson Story. Again. If you've missed every Dodgers-Pirates game over the last four years, here's how it goes: Jack grew up in Westlake Village. When he got drafted and signed with the Pirates, his first game was in Cincinnati. His parents really wanted to see him play, but plane tickets were so expensive. Jason Kendell and Brian Giles took pity on the forlorn family and paid for the airfare. Just heartwarming. "So I'm wondering what Wilson did with his signing bonus or salary," writes one fan, "Bought 40,000 pounds of cheese? And his poor parents... it must be an everyday struggle to get by if you live in the heart of the mean streets of Westlake Village." By the way, the Dodgers are 13-5. They're not exactly facing stiff competition, but I guess they'd better beat up on the limp competition while they can. April
20, 2007 - Dodgers 10, Pirates 2 With the game a blow-out, Grady Little got some work in for Saenz, Ramon Martinez, Brady Clark, Wilson Valdez, and Marlon Anderson (who I honestly forgot was on the team). It's always fun to try to figure out what's going through Olmedo's mind as he's playing in the field. It's either, "Jesus Christ, I can't believe that old white man put me out here," or "I just ate dinner two hours ago—how the hell am I hungry again?" Off the field, the Dodgers made some news by re-opening the Scott Avenue stadium exit, which has been closed since the late 90's when area residents suddenly decided they didn't like living near a baseball stadium. The exit didn't get much of a test on Friday since the crowd was sparse and began leaving even earlier than normal, but traffic officers lined the street like the friggin' President of the United States' motorcade was arriving. The cost for the extra officers, of course, will be covered by the Dodgers... which really means covered by you. So get ready to be charged to use the stadium restrooms. Fifty cents to take a leak, two dollars to take a dump, and six bucks for diarrhea. Better lay off the malts. April
18, 2007 - Rockies 7, Dodgers 2 Wait, so Mike Lieberthal hit in the cleanup spot, and the Dodgers lost? Geez, go figure. Solo runs in the second and fifth were all the Dodgers' offense could muster, and at Coors Field, that doesn't quite do the job. It didn't help, of course, that the Dodgers regressed defensively, making a couple of errors—including one in the fourth inning that allowed a single to empty the bases. Andre Ethier overthrew home plate, and intead of backing up the plate, Derek Lowe was somewhere in Boulder. Lowe wasn't any better on the mound, either, giving up four earned runs on eight hits before leaving in the bottom of the fifth (about ten batters too late). Lowe walked three, striking out only two. After a scoreless inning from Chin-hui Tsao, Rudy Seanez followed in Lowe's footsteps, giving up a couple runs in the seventh to let the game slip away. In better news, Mark Hendrickson starts for the Dodgers on Thursday afternoon. Why is it better news? Well, it's a mid-week day game, so you probably won't be able to watch it. Consider yourself lucky. April
16, 2007 - Dodgers 5, Diamondbacks 1 The Dodgers' defensive display began in the third inning with a diving catch by Andre Ethier. An inning later, with Chad Tracy at first base and one out, it was Rafael Furcal's turn. Carlos Quentin lined one into the left field corner, with Luis Gonzalez eventually picking up the ball and relaying it to Furcal. The Dodger shortstop caught the throw, turned, and fired to the plate, nailing Tracy. "My arm looks a lot better when Furcal is halfway out there to take the relay," said Gonzalez. (For the record, Furcal was about three-quarters of the way out there.) Not to be outdone, Jeff Kent turned in a gem in the seventh inning, barehanding a toss from Furcal to turn a quick double-play. So, two weeks into the season, who are the real Dodgers: the ones who couldn't catch a ball at first, or the ones turning in highlight plays? I don't know, but check out this girl in leather! Of course it wasn't just the gloves doing the work on Monday, as Brad Penny went seven, giving up a run on five hits. He walked more (three) than he struck out (two), but it's good to see the big boy pitching well—as he did at the start of last season. When it gets to be July, someone should throw away all the calendars in the Dodger clubhouse. April
15, 2007 - Dodgers 9, Padres 3 Robinson went 0-for-3 in his debut on April 15, 1947, and Juan Pierre paid tribute to Robinson by going 0-for-5 on Sunday (and making an error). The other guys in blue did quite a bit better. The Dodgers hammered out six doubles, a home run, and stole five bases (in the first four innings). Andre Ethier, Russell Martin, and Wilson Valdez each had three hits, with Ethier knocking in four. Valdez made his first start at third base, while Wilson Betemit made his first start in the Loge level concession stands. Randy Wolf made the start on the mound for the Dodgers, going six innings and giving up three runs. The Dodgers had to be happy to see Wolf throwing well considering that their $47 million starter couldn't make it through three innings on Saturday. There was a scary moment in the 7th inning when a foul ball hit the railing in right field and ricocheted into the face of a Dodger ball boy. Even scarier was that the poor guy looked a lot like Jason Repko. Sunday's game, of course, was broadcast nationally by ESPN, which meant two things: (1) A lot of Yankees highlights, and (2) Joe Morgan bragging about himself. In between occasional mentions of the game on the field, Morgan managed to tell everyone about how he knows Willie Mays, how he's a personal friend of the Robinson family, and how he had lunch every Wednesday with former commissioner Happy Chandler. If he had time, he would have mentioned how he played golf with Tiger Woods, went hunting with Abraham Lincoln, and gave oral to Marilyn Monroe. April
13, 2007 - Dodgers 9, Padres 1 Rafael Furcal made the most of his return to the lineup on Friday, doubling twice and making a couple smooth plays in the field. While most Dodger fans were probably expecting Furcal to snap his ankle in half by the fifth inning, he played all nine and looked healthy. A few other guys got healthy against David Wells as well, as the Dodgers piled up five runs in Wells' two plus innings. Nomar Garciaparra, Luis Gonzalez, Brady Clark, and Ramon Martinez had two hits a piece, and Martin and Kent each had one. That leaves Juan-for-Five Pierre, who was actually Non-for-Five Pierre on Friday—even against David Wells, who was throwing in the mid-60s. Surprisingly, Wilson Betemit was also hitless. In all fairness, he only had one at-bat, but would four more at-bats have made a difference? How long before the Dodgers convert Wilson Valdez into a third baseman? April
11, 2007 - Dodgers 3, Rockies 0 Dodger starting pitching is a different story, though. A day after Brett Tomko did the unthinkable on Tuesday, striking out nine and allowing just one hit in six shutout innings, Brad Penny followed suit. Facing Colorado on Wednesday, Penny allowed just two hits in six plus innings, picking up his second win of the season. He walked four and only struck out three, perhaps losing some energy when he belly flopped off the mound to catch Willy Taveras' bunt in the second inning. The grounds crew will work feverishly to fill the crater before Friday night's game with the Padres. It's great to see Penny and Tomko starting off well, but wouldn't it also be great to see a guy pitch into the eighth inning? Sure, it's early in the season and guys have yet to build up their stamina, but when someone's throwing well, let's see them go a little further. I don't know if I'm annoyed more by Grady Little or by starting pitchers who just seem to be content with pitching six innings. (Or maybe I'm just annoyed with myself for finding something to bitch about even when they win). Anyway, I'm not necessarily saying that either Tomko (who hadn't pitched in about 10 days) or Penny (who seemed to be running out of steam) should have made it to the eighth, but just that I miss watching a pitcher go the distance. Oh well, this way we get to see baseball greats like Rudy Seanez. April
9, 2007 - Rockies 6, Dodgers 3 When Steve Sax threw out the first pitch and didn't throw it into the stands, you could tell it was going to be a long day. It started with Jason Schmidt giving up a first inning home run to Garrett Atkins before most people in the Right Field Pavilion even had a chance to eat their first Dodger Dog. Things perked up momentarily in the bottom of the third, though, when Jason Schmidt crushed a home run well over the left field wall, making him second on the Dodgers in home runs. The
Rockies added two in the top of the fourth, aided in part by the
2007 Dodger outfield. This time, it's was Matt Kemp's turn to misplay
a ball. Kemp, who earlier in the game looked shaky catching a fly
ball to right, failed to snag a drive hit by Rockies' first baseman
Jeff Baker. Kemp slammed into the wall, crumpling into a heap of
flesh on the warning track, but let's face it—the ball was
catchable. (Grady Little must have agreed, because it took him about
10 minutes to reach the accident scene in right.) The Rockies scored
one on the play, and another on a Troy Tulowitzki single. It was Nomar Garciaparra's turn to screw up in the top of the fifth, booting a ground ball to first. In his haste to cover the bag, Jason Schmidt came up lame, which is always fun to see from a guy making $47 million. With thoughts of Kevin Brown wafting through my head (or was that the smell of gas coming from the Right Field Pavilion?), Schmidt slowly walked off the field. I wanted to get up and leave when I saw Mark Hendrickson galloping in from the Dodger bullpen, but as I fiddled with the free magnet schedule and wondered if it would be strong enough to hold a fucking business card on the fridge, Hendrickson ended up pitching three scoreless innings. The same couldn't be said for Rudy Seanez and Joe Beimel, who each surrendered a run in their inning of relief. To give fans the full experience on Opening Day, the Dodgers loaded the bases with nobody out in the bottom of the ninth. Mike Lieberthal was Grady Little's questionable choice to pinch-hit, and on a 3-1 pitch following a walk to Olmedo Saenz, Lieberthal made a questionable decision to swing, popping up to third base. Actually, it wasn't a questionable decision—it was a bad one. Brian Fuentes was clearly having trouble finding the plate, so why not make him throw another strike? Maybe Lieberthal caught a glimpse of the screen in left that showed he had the fifth most home runs among catchers from 1999 to 2004. Too bad it's 2007. And too bad Juan Pierre was up next. Displaying the patience of a child molester at a summer camp, Pierre swung at Fuente's first pitch. A walk to Saenz, three balls to Lieberthal, and Pierre's swinging away like he's Babe Ruth? Great fundamentals, Juan. A few pitches later he ended up flying out to left, and Russell Martin follwed with a drive to deep right—screwing with Dodger fans right up to the end. Welcome home, Dodgers. Feels like you never left. View the DB Opening Day Photo Gallery April
8, 2007 - Dodgers 10, Giants 4 Not only have the Dodgers now won eight in a row against the Giants in their house, they capped it on Sunday by knocking out San Fran's $126 million dollar man. Barry Zito gave up eight earned runs in six innings, and left without retiring a batter in the seventh. Meanwhile, Randy Wolf escaped a couple of early jams to go six innings (retiring the last 13 batters he faced) and even his record at one. The Dodger defense didn't help Wolf early, as Juan Pierre couldn't reach—and then overran—a fly ball to center off the bat of Rich Aurelia. Barry Bonds singled Aurelia in, and the Giants took an early lead. Aside from a late-inning home run, though, that was pretty much it for the San Francisco offense, which was limited to six runs in the 3-game series. After hitting about .200 over the first five games of the season, the Dodger offense resurrected itself on Sunday, producing 15 hits and 10 runs. Luis Gonzalez, who lucked out again by not getting a single chance to screw up in the outfield, hit his first two home runs as a Dodger, and Wilson Valdez had another big day at the plate, going 3-for-5 with a double and triple. Even Juan Pierre went 1-for-5, actually raising his average to .154. Nomar Garciaparra and Ramon Martinez, however, were on the outside looking in, going a combined 0-for-9. All that really matters, though, is that 39,343 Giants fans had a shitty Easter. With smiles on their faces and their uniforms smelling like the bay, the Dodgers now return home to open with the Rockies. The All-You-Can-Eat right field pavilion opens at 11:10 am, so how many people are going to be puking Dodger Dogs by noon? April
7, 2007 - Dodgers 4, Giants 1 The Dodgers also shined on the mound Saturday, with Derek Lowe rebounding from his horrendous Opening Day start to throw seven strong innings. Lowe gave up just four hits, but perhaps his smartest move was keeping the ball away from left field. There wasn't a fly ball to left all game, and the way things have been going for Luis Gonzalez, you've got to figure he wasn't complaining. Before Saturday's game, Gonzalez admitted he was in a "defensive funk." That's putting it mildly, but as much as I'd like to keep ripping on him, you've got to respect a guy who acknowledges that he sucks. "I'm embarrassed this week," said Mr. Funk. Cool, now if we could just get Mark Hendrickson to admit that he should be working at Trader Joes instead of playing baseball, life would be perfect. April
6, 2007 - Dodgers 2, Giants 1 Friday night's game at Phone Company Park got off to a bad start for the Dodgers, with three guys taking a called third strike in the first two innings. Russell Martin threw out two San Francisco baserunners early on, though, and the game was scoreless through four (despite Brad Penny—who clearly went the entire winter without a haircut—giving up about two dozen hits). The Dodgers got a gift run in the top of the fifth, and former Giant Ramon Martinez flashed his leather (and arm) in the bottom of the fifth to keep the Giants off the board. The Dodgers added another run in the top of the sixth. The real fun began in the bottom of the eighth inning. First, Juan Pierre—whose only asset is his speed—couldn't get under a fly ball to left-center that hung up in the air for a good forty-five seconds. Then, with two outs and a run in, Barry Bonds hit a fly ball to the right of Luis Gonzalez. The Dodger left fielder—who looked shaky earlier in the game catching a fly ball—moved toward the line, reached his glove out... and missed the ball. Technically, the ball deflected off his glove, but when it doesn't go in the glove, I say you missed it. So what the hell is going on with Gonzalez? I get it, he's old... but he is a baseball player, right? He's been playing in the major leagues for 17 years, so he's probably caught thousands of fly balls. Why does each one seem to be an adventure this year? Sure, he's never been a Gold Glove outfielder, but holy christ, did he have a fucking lobotomy during the offseason? The ninth inning turned out to be an adventure as well, but for Takashi Saito. With back-to-back two-out singles, the Giants put the tying run on second for Dave Roberts. But like Elmer Dessens on Wednesday, Roberts couldn't come through against his former team, and the Dodgers pulled it out, 2-1. A win, yes. A convincing win, hardly. April
4, 2007 - Dodgers 5, Brewers 4 While it turns out that Luis Gonzalez and Juan Pierre won't go hitless this year, the Dodgers' big blow came off the bat of Olmedo Saenz. Pinch-hitting with the bases loaded in the top of the eighth against former Dodger great Elmer Dessens, Saenz doubled to the gap in left center, driving in two. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that Saenz would come up with the big hit, but it did come as a surprise that Dessens didn't strike out the side. Apparently someone forgot to tell him that he's a former Dodger now, and it's his duty to fuck over his old team. In other Dodger news, James Loney has informally requested a trade. Fair enough, let's hope they can deal Nomar. April
3, 2007 - Brewers 4, Dodgers 3 Randy Wolf made his first start as a Dodger, giving up four runs—including two homers—over six innings. You'd like to think that Wolf is capable of more, but let's face it, his better days are behind him. He's a guy whose ERA will hover around 4.50, who'll keep the Dodgers in the game for a few innings, and who'll end up with a break-even record. He's a nice enough guy, so you pull for him, but you know better than to expect seven shutout innings. (I'd settle for two.) You also know better than to expect $52 million worth of production from Juan Pierre and Luis Gonzalez. The new Dodgers are a combined 0-for-15 so far... and have earned $98,500 (not that I'm counting). They're not alone, though. Aside from Russell Martin's 3-for-5 night, the Dodgers went 4-for-34. Actually, considering their performance on Monday, you can probably look at that as progress. Good times. April
2, 2007 - Brewers 7, Dodgers 1 Dodgers' starter Derek Lowe gave up a run in each of the first three innings, then three more in the fourth. Ultimately, Lowe gave up 8 hits, 6 runs, and walked five. When you're actually glad to see Mark Hendrickson entering the game, you know it's bad times. Meanwhile, the Dodger offense dropped their pants, bent over, and handed Ben Sheets the lube. Aside from Jeff Kent's second inning home run, the Dodgers did nothing until the 9th inning. Literally, NOTHING. Not a goddamn thing. They didn't walk. They didn't beat out a little tapper to short. They didn't bloop one over second base on a check swing. Between Kent's home run and Brady Clark's ninth inning double, Sheets retired 22 in a row with ease. To complement their lousy pitching and horrific hitting, the Dodgers played like crap in the field, too. Juan Pierre had trouble with a ball in center, Luis Gonzalez misplayed a fly ball in left, and Wilson Betemit looked like he was playing third base for the first time in his life. With the Dodgers being embarrassed by the Milwaukee friggin' Brewers, it was an interesting time for Rick Monday to read the mid-inning commercial, "While the Dodgers are working hard on the field, the chefs at Panda Express are working hard in the kitchen." Since the Dodgers had one hit up to that point, it would have been more appropriate for Monday to say, "While the Dodgers are scratching their nuts on the field, the chefs at Panda Express are pissing in the Orange Flavored Chicken." On a positive note, Rudy Seanez pitched a scoreless inning, strengthening his bid to win the NL Cy Young Award. April
1, 2007 If you're never going to give James Loney an opportunity, why not trade him while he's got value? If you're not going to keep Larry Bigbie, why give him 56 at-bats in Florida? And if you're going to keep Matt Kemp on the roster, why go out and spend $52 million on outfielders? The more moves Ned Colletti makes, the more obvious it becomes that each move has absolutely nothing to do with previous moves or future moves. Look, I'm never going to agree with every decision a GM makes, but I'd at least tolerate someone who seems to have a plan. The Dodgers are being picked by some to win the NL, but don't let that fool you into thinking that Mr. Moustache has a plan. Plan or no plan, a new season is born, and that means it's time for one thing... well, two things: (1) It's time to call in sick on Monday, and (2) It's time to make predictions for 2007. Here are mine: April 6: Brad Penny leaves the game n the 4th inning after experiencing stiffness in his lower back. After the game, Penny is told by doctors that his stiffness is also known as a spine. April 7: Rafael Furcal returns to the lineup after being assured by Grady Little that Jason Repko is nowhere in the stadium. April 8: Rudy Seanez caps an amazing first week, striking out 13 of 14 batters faced. April 12: Spending an off-day at home with his twins, Nomar Garciaparra strains his groin while carrying a box of diapers upstairs. James Loney is called up to take Nomar's place on the roster. April 19: After slipping into last place, Jeff Kent tells reporters that it's only mid-April. April 25: Celebrating the anniversary of his famous flag-saving incident, Rick Monday burns the loose skin in his neck when a reenactment goes terribly wrong. May 14: After losing 10 of 12, Jeff Kent tells reporters that it's only mid-May. May 16: Despite going 53-for-55 in Nomar's absence, James Loney is sent to Triple-A. May 20: The Dodgers are swept by the Angels despite a perfect 12-hop throw from Juan Pierre to second base. May 23: Rudy Seanez's ERA remains at 0.00. June 8: The Dodgers announce the first casualty of the All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion, a 42-year-old woman from Eagle Rock. Coroner report indicates she was killed by Farmer John. June 16: Lightbulbs burn out in the scoreboard during the game, but Mark Hendrickson quickly reaches up to make the repairs. June 28: Given the hook after yielding nine runs, Brad Penny tells Grady Little to go fuck himself, takes a crap on home plate, and then breaks the batboy's teeth with a flying batting helmet. June 29: Brad Penny apologizes, saying it'll never happen again. June 30: Rudy Seanez is chosen as the Dodgers' lone representative on the NL All-Star team. July 7: Booted from the rotation and now a middle reliever, Brett Tomko sets a major league record by walking six guys on 24 pitches. July 20: The Dodgers discontinue the All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion after visiting rightfielder Shawn Green is hit in the back of the head by hot dogs. Security identifies Olmedo Saenz as one of the culprits. Before being taken into custody, Olmedo manages to stuff two bags of peanuts in his jersey and fills his mouth with nacho cheese sauce. July 30: Rudy Seanez is chosen as NL Pitcher-of-the-Month. August 2: Jim and Rose Henderson of Whittier finally find their way out of the Dodger Stadium parking lot... three months after their children filed a missing persons report. August 24: Hanging out at a New York bar with friends, Joe Beimel asks the bartender for a Newcastle in a styrofoam cup. Paying for the drink, he cuts his finger on a really sharp quarter. August 27: After going 6-for-41, Matt Kemp is sent down to Triple-A. "We think he could benefit from playing every day," says Ned Colletti. August 31: Greg Maddux pitches a no-hitter against the Dodgers for the third time since June. September 3: Rudy Seanez breaks Orel Hershiser's streak of scoreless innings and the Dodgers reward him with a 3-year contract extension. September 12: Winning their 10th game in a row, the Dodgers move into a first-place tie with the Padres. The news isn't all good, though, as three parking attendants are assaulted by Jamie McCourt, who insists she's allowed to leave from whatever exit she wants. September 23: Getting swept by the last-place Diamondbacks, Dodger Blues declares the season over and invites Wilson Betemit (.181) to jump off a bridge. September 27: Wilson Betemit hits his seventh home run in three games, and the Dodgers move back into a tie with the Padres. September 30: Jason Repko comes off the DL just in time to make a game-saving catch in the 9th inning, and the Dodgers and Giants go into the 12th inning, all tied at four. Rudy Seanez walks former Dodger Dave Roberts to start the inning. Roberts then steals second, third, and home to give the Giants a 5-4 lead. In the bottom of the inning, the Dodgers load the bases with two outs. Playing the percentages, Grady Little pulls Luis Gonzalez and sends Brady Clark to the plate. Clark takes three strikes and the season is over. October 2: Rudy Seanez is given his unconditional release. Play
ball! |
Monday's
game was a close one... for all of about 15 seconds. Chris Young
knoced Randy Wolf's second pitch of the game over the wall in right,
and Arizona didn't look back. After Sunday's seventeen inning marathon,
the Dodgers appeared to be running on empty Monday... or maybe they
just had the runs. Watching Wolf pitch, you would have thought that
he played seventeen innings a day earlier. In addition to
the leadoff homer, Wolf gave up three runs in the fifth and two
in the sixth. Failing to give the bullpen a rest, Wolf was done
in the sixth, leaving the ball in the incapable hands of Rudy Seanez
and Brett Tomko. At that point, though, it really didn't matter,
since the Dodgers left their bats in the clubhouse and their energy
elsewhere.
The
Dodgers and Padres played for seventeen innings on Sunday, but that
still wasn't long enough for Grady Little to resort to putting Wilson
Betemit in the game. With the exception of Betemit, both the Dodgers
and Padres exhausted their benches, and the Dodgers emptied their
bullpen as well.
With
a full count and two outs in the ninth of a one-run game on Thursday
night, Nomar Garciapparra stood at the plate and did exactly what
the bobblehead of his likeness would do: nothing. On a night that
saw the Dodgers draw their largest Thursday night crowd in 44 years,
Nomar ended Garciaparra Bobblehead Night by striking out looking.
Could it go any other way?
The
Dodgers started the 2007 season with the best record in baseball,
and the emails started coming in: See, fool, Dodgers are in first
place-- what you got to say about that? Hey idiot, Dodgers are #1
so quit your shit-talking! Yo douchebag, you have no idea how much
this team has improved because you're so retarded!
For
all that's gone right for the Dodgers so far this season, their
defense has been the biggest question mark. On Sunday, they added
an exclamation point to that question mark. In a matter of three
innings, they made their twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth errors,
and the Pirates hung on to win, 7-5. The fun began in the first
inning when Russell Martin threw a ball into center, and continued
in the third when Jeff Kent made an ill-advised throw to first while
he was eating grass in short right field followed by Juan Pierre
imitating a blind little leaguer.
A
sacrifice fly would have done the job, but that's like being satisfied
with just a BJ. Sure, it does the job, but why not have it all?
Russell Martin got it all in the 10th inning on Saturday night.
Taking a page out of Steve Finley's book, Martin crushed a two-strike
pitch from Shawn Chacon deep into the left field bullpen, giving
the Dodgers the run they needed, and three they didn't. Martin's
slam was the first of his career, but it looked like old hat for
him as he tossed his bat aside and slowly strode towards first,
proudly watching the ball carry over the wall.
Avoiding
what would have been their first rainout in seven years, the Dodgers
got the cooperation of Mother Nature on Friday night and hammered
the Pittsburgh Pirates, 10-2. The Dodgers also got the cooperation
of Juan Pierre (3-for-4 with two stolen bases) and Randy Wolf (ten
strikeouts and two doubles). On five hits, a walk, a sac fly, and
a hit batter, the Dodgers broke the game open in the third inning,
scoring six. Even Wilson Betemit joined the action, raising his
average to a robust .132. All Betemit needs is a 5-for-5 night,
and he could be hitting his weight. A 10-for-10 night, and he could
be hitting Olmedo Saenz' weight.
Everyone
responds differently to altitude change. Some people get headaches,
some people suffer fatigue, and apparently some people make out
lineups packed with guys who can't hit. Grady Little's lineup on
Wednesday night in Colorado featured Wilson Betemit, Ramon Martinez,
Mike Lieberthal, and Brady Clark. Getting the night off were Russell
Martin, Jeff Kent, Luis Gonzalez, and Wilson Valdez. Hey, everyone
could use a night off once in a while. No problem. But here's a
wild idea: stagger them so that it doesn't look like half the team
was kidnapped. Rumor has it that Grady also wanted to give the entire
pitching staff the night off, but was rebuffed by the umpires.
On
Sunday, the Dodgers did it with their legs, stealing five bases.
On Monday, they did it with their gloves, making three sparkling
plays to secure a 5-1 win over the Diamondbacks—or D'Backs,
as their ugly new uniforms boast.
In
case you've been unconscious, living in a cave, or just really busy
ordering Think Blues shirts, Sunday marked the 60th anniversary
of Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier. In a pre-game ceremony
featuring Rachel Robinson, Vin Scully, Hank Aaron, Frank Robinson,
and others (yeah, Bud Selig), the Dodgers and Major League Baseball
honored the memory of Jackie Robinson, celebrated the significance
of his accomplishments, and shed light on the challenges still faced
both within baseball and beyond the game.
After
the beating the hell out of the Dodgers in 2006, the Padres found
themselves on the other end Friday night in Los Angeles. Even with
the weird-looking Giles brothers batting at the top of their order,
San Diego didn't do much against Derek Lowe, scoring just a run
over eight innings. Lowe struck out six, coaxed two double-plays,
and was even flawless at the plate (walking twice, getting a base
hit, and laying down a sac bunt). He also captured a purse-snatcher,
rescued a cat from a tree, and pulled a baby from a burning oil
tanker.
If
Juan-for-Four Pierre hopes Dodger fans will overlook his pathetic
excuse for an arm, he'd better do a lot more of what he did on Wednesday
night. With two outs in the third inning, Pierre was at the front
end of a double steal—one stealthy enough that Colorado pitcher
Jason Hirsh just held the ball on the mound. Nomar Garciaparra hit
the next pitch into left field, scoring Pierre and Russell Martin,
and the Dodgers went on to add another. The three runs were practically
a windfall for the Dodgers, who aren't exactly lighting it up with
the bat. Pierre is hitting .211, Wilson Betemit is at .053, and
Andre Ethier—who had the balls to complain about his playing
time a few days ago—is hitting a whopping .118.
Well,
the euphoria of beating San Francisco was certainly short-lived.
The Dodgers trailed right from the start of their home opener on
Monday, and the Rockies went on to win, 6-3. Dodger fans can't be
disappointed, though, as the game had everything you'd come to expect
from a day at the Ravine. There were traffic jams, injuries, fights,
plenty of beachballs, an asshole running across the field (no, I'm
not talking about Juan Pierre), long lines at the concession stands,
and of course a futile Dodger rally in the ninth inning that was
a typical case of too little, too late.
As
a Dodger fan, I know that there'll be plenty of anguish over the
course of the season. There'll be injuries, ninth inning collapses,
and offensive droughts. I'll be frustrated, depressed, and angry.
I'll call for people to be benched, demoted, and fired. I know all
of this will happen, which makes Easter Sunday's sweep of the Giants
in San Francisco all the more enjoyable.
After
playing pathetic baseball for the first four games of the season,
the Dodgers put together a clean nine innings on Saturday, beating
the Giants, 4-1. Wilson Valdez, making his first start of the season,
certainly impressed. After hitting .356 in Spring Training, Valdez
went 3-for-4 on Saturday, and flashed a nice glove at shortstop.
Without a spot on the roster when Rafael Furcal comes off the DL,
though, Valdez is really just auditioning for other teams. It's
an odd time of the season for a trade, however, so Valdez figures
to end up back in Las Vegas, where he and James Loney can waste
away into baseball oblivion.
If
you're a Dodger fan, you hope and pray that the first four games
of the season are an abberation. You also hope and pray that Luis
Gonzalez and Juan Pierre quickly learn how to play the outfield.
(Either that, or that they collide in left-center and have to be
carted off the field.)
If
you look at the box score for Wednesday's Dodger game, it'll say
they won. If you watched the game, that might be hard to believe.
Jason Schmidt was far from dominating, walking the bases loaded
in the last of his five innings. Rudy Seanez gave up three hits
and two runs in just a third of an inning. And Takashi Saito got
knocked around for three hits (including a ninth inning home run)
en route to his first save. Ultimately, the Dodgers overcame the
Brewers' late-inning comeback (which, of course, included a big
2-run double by Rat Boy Counsell), beating Milwaukee 5-4.
So
what's more disturbing: watching Juan Pierre make a throw from center
or looking at Mike Maddux's moustache? Dodger fans got to do both
on Tuesday, as they endured another pathetic Dodger loss in Milwaukee.
Despite twice holding leads, the Dodgers fell to the Brewers, 4-3.
For
six months, Dodger fans have looked forward to Opening Day. On Monday,
Opening Day finally came... and it took about a half hour for Dodger
fans to realize that they should have other things in their lives
to look forward to. The Dodgers lost 7-1, but the score really gives
them too much credit. From that score, you might assume that they'll
eventually win a game. Their actual perfomance on the field, however,
clearly suggests that they'll go 0-162.
Although
we're only hours from Opening Day, it's nice to know that Ned Colletti
and Grady Little are already in mid-season form. (By "mid-season
form", of course, I mean totally brain dead.) After the Dodgers'
loss to the Angels to end the Freeway Series, Colletti and Little
announced their 25-man roster. The brilliant decisions included
optioning a guy who hit .380 at Triple-A last season and .414 this
spring back to the minors, designating for assigment a non-roster
invitee who led the team in RBIs this spring, and opening up a spot
on the bench for a rookie who won't be able to prove himself by
getting six at-bats a week.