|
> APRIL 2008 April 29, 2008 - Dodgers 7, Marlins 6 Music to their ears: Dodgers balance record
Speaking of invisible, Andruw Jones is the opposite... but that has nothing to do with anything... well, except the fact that he obviously had chicken AND fish on the flight to the East Coast. Nonetheless, the trip started out well for the Dodgers with a 7-6 win over Florida. Of course, when I say "well," it means overlooking a huge error in the 5th inning by James Loney, overlooking a completely mediocre outing by Derek Lowe (who looks like his face is a little swollen from bee stings or something), overlooking a poor decision by Larry Bowa in the 8th inning to send speedster Blake DeWitt to the plate (where he was out by about 20 feet), and overlooking the sight of Jason Schmidt throwing 50 pitches before the game (because it means he's a step closer to hurting his uterus again). Despite the mistakes, the Dodgers rallied early and late, with Jeff Kent's 2-out single in the top of the ninth driving in the winning run. Joe Beimel picked up the win and Takashi Saito pitched a 1-2-3 ninth for just his third save. The win puts the Dodgers back at .500, but more importantly, Luis Gonzalez struck out in the eighth inning with the go-ahead run on base. April 27, 2008 - Dodgers 3, Rockies 2
Despite the scoreless first, the Dodgers went on to beat the Rockies, 3-2, giving them a sweep of the National League Champions—and more importantly, an actual winning streak. Esteban Loaiza pitched five innings of two-run ball, and the Dodger bullpen contributed five scoreless innings. Joe Beimel and Takashi Saito both worked out of jams and rookie Cory Wade threw a solid two innings. An intentional walk of Chin-lung Hu with two outs in the fourth came back to bite the Rockies when Esteban Loaiza singled in Blake Dewitt (who had tripled despite, as some insist, an inability to hit Major League pitching) and Rafael Furcal followed with a bloop hit that scored Hu. The Dodgers won it in the 10th with two walks, a sac bunt (from Matt Kemp?), and a base hit by James Loney. The Dodgers are now just six games back of the Diamondbacks. If the entire Arizona team gets food poisoning this week, the Dodgers might even be able to cut that lead to five games. April 25, 2008 - Dodgers 8, Rockies 7
On Thursday, the Dodgers sent third baseman Blake DeWitt to Triple-A, meaning that Nomar Garciaparra would have to play nine innings of every game. He lasted eight. After Takashi Saito surrendered a double to left that put Colorado runners on second and third in a one-run game, Nomar turned to the dugout and summoned trainers. What had Mr. Brittle done? Who the fuck cares, but he's headed back to the DL and DeWitt is headed back to L.A. Apparently Colletti's grand plan—which was ruined in a matter of hours—involved trusting third base to Nomar for a few days until Juan Castro cleared waviers and became a free agent. Yes, Juan Castro. The same Juan Castro who hit about .050 for the Dodgers in the late 1990's. Speaking of hitting .050, Andruw Jones left Friday's game in the fourth inning with a contusion on his fatty calf muscle. Oh, the Dodgers won on Friday. It took thirteen innings, a blown save by Saito, three scoreless innings from Chan Ho Park, Gary Bennett's first hit as a Dodger, and a sac fly from third baseman Russell Martin. April 23, 2008 - Dodgers 8, Diamondbacks 3
Derek Lowe pitched five great innings before exiting with a sore elbow, leaving the game in the hands of Chan Ho Park, Joe Beimel, Jonathan Broxton, and Takashi Saito. None of the four looked particularly sharp, which may have had something to do with the game lasting about seven goddamn hours. It sure didn't have anything to do with Andruw Jones' at-bats, most of which lasted a matter of seconds. I must admit that Wednesday's game was the first of the season for me, and seeing Jones in person was even more depressing than watching him flail away on television. Either he's really just some fat man in a Jones uniform, or he hit his head on the bathroom sink sometime early last year and truly forgot how to hit a baseball. Maybe he's going blind. You can tell he's frustrated, but there's no telling by how many strikeouts he might break the all-time record. He added two on Wednesday (along with two pop-ups) before finally getting a base hit in the ninth inning. One-for-five and his average goes up. Meanwhile, thanks to Joe Torre's odd decision to use Takashi Saito with two outs in the eighth, the Dodger closer got his first major league at-bat in the top of the ninth inning. Apparently Saito hits left-handed—or at least stands at the plate left-handed. Who would've known? From the looks of things (and by things I mean Takashi standing at the plate like a girl), I doubt Takashi himself even had any idea where to stand until the umpire whispered something to him. April 20, 2008 - Braves 6, Dodgers 1
Sunday’s loss dropped the Dodgers into last place—behind the San Francisco Giants, a team that everyone expects to lose 95% of their games. People may have to adjust that percentage, though, because the Giants play the Dodgers fifteen more times. If the Dodgers can’t score against Braves starters Jeff Bennett, Chuck James, and Jair Jurrjens (who have the combined experience of a salamander), it should be really fun to watch the next time they face Barry Zito, Tim Lincecum, and Matt Cain. As depressing as the first three weeks of the season have been for Dodger fans, I think it’s safe to say that Joe Torre is taking it harder than anyone. He clearly lost his marbles on Sunday, batting Andruw Jones cleanup. Of the nine spots in the batting order, Jones should be... well... in none of them... but if I had to pick a spot, I’m not so sure fourth would be the place. I mean, I know I’m new to baseball and everything, but I kind of thought the number four hitter should be, uh, good. Not that striking out three times isn’t good, of course. It’s a lot better than striking out four times. April 18, 2008 - Braves 6, Dodgers 1
Meanwhile, it was the other Jones who proved his worth. Chipper went 3-for-5 with two home runs and 4 RBIs, essentially ending the Dodgers’ night with his shot off Derek Lowe in the fifth inning. The second inning wasn’t particularly kind to Lowe either, as it included a Jeff Kent error, two infield singles, and a walk to Braves pitcher Jeff Bennett. Apparently Bennett was as intimidating at the plate as he was on the mound. Despite an ERA of four and a half in an illustrious career spanning 70 games that sandwiched two years back in the minors, Bennett held the Dodgers to two hits in five innings. Or maybe I should say the pathetic Dodgers only managed two hits off a guy who even his family won’t remember in a couple years. You want evidence of how bad the day was for the Dodgers? Juan Pierre knocked in the only run with a pinch single. April 15, 2008 - Dodgers 11, Pirates 2
There was, however, some reason to celebrate. First, it was Jackie Robinson Day. (James Loney honored Jackie by getting thrown out at second base—twice.) Second, Jim Tracy isn't in the Pirates dugout anymore. Third, Juan Pierre didn't make an appearance for the second day in a row. Fourth, Esteban Loaiza pitched five scoreless innings (five times the number of scoreless innings he's ever pitched before). And fifth—hold onto your pus-stained socks—Andruw Jones had his first multi-hit game of the season (practically doubling his entire season output in a matter of three innings). Can't wait for Paul Maholm to no-hit the Dodgers on Thursday. April 13, 2008 - Padres 1, Dodgers 0
The 42-year-old Maddux limited the Dodgers to just two hits over five innings. Despite balking for the first time in about eight freakish years, Maddux earned the victory—the 349th of his career. It didn’t get any better for the Dodgers after Maddux left the game, as the Dodgers managed just three hits off four Padre relievers (two with ERAs over nine). Juan for Four went, well, 1-for-4, and that’s about as much as you could say for anyone. Andruw Jones and Russell Martin were both hitless (although Martin actually came the closest to an RBI), and Jeff Kent’s average rose to .237. Dodger pitchers, meanwhile, struck out fourteen Padres, which, under other circumstances, might have actually been exciting. It wasn't exciting, though, since it was 110 fucking degrees outside and images of Andruw Jones' giant cheeks were melted into my brain. April 11, 2008 - Padres 7, Dodgers 5
Unfortunately, the Dodgers didn't take full advantage of Peavy's weakened state, scoring just three runs off him. Brad Penny, meanwhile, looked more like Brad Havens. Over six innings, Penny yielded ten hits and walked three, lucky to escape with only four runs charged to him. Joe Beimel and Ramon Troncoso (who might want to have his bags packed and ready) picked up where Penny left off, giving up three more runs to the Padres in the late innings. The Dodgers made a little noise in the sixth, seventh, and ninth, but their rallies fell short (just like the funds I was gathering to fix the Fan Forum). Trevor Hoffman, looking every bit the 40-year-old, granted the Dodgers a huge opportunity in the ninth, giving up two hits and two walks. With the bases loaded and two outs, though, Jeff Kent (also looking every bit the 40-year-old) struck out to end the game and dash the hopes of the few thousand dopes in the stands who actually thought the Dodgers had a chance. Speaking of chances, and chance that Andruw Jones isn't as friggin' terrible as he looks? I'm saying no. I hate to admit this, but I'm almost to the point where I'd rather see Juan Pierre as the starting centerfielder—which says something about how much faith I have in Jones turning it around. The only thing that Jones turns around these days is a cupcake when he's looking for the side with the most frosting. April 9, 2008 - Diamondbacks 4, Dodgers 3
The Dodgers were fortunate enough to miss Brandon Webb this week, and still got swept in Arizona. They were crushed on Monday and Tuesday, and topped by a more respectable one-run margin on Wednesday afternoon. James Loney committed a big error, Hiroki Kuroda wasn't particularly effective, and the hitters did no hitting (especially when there were runners in scoring position). Russell Martin, Andruw Jones, and Juan Pierre are barely hitting .300—if you add all their averages together. Andruw Jones got the day off on Wednesday, at least until he was called on to pinch-hit late in the game. He managed an infield single, which I think doubles his hit total for the season. Speaking of doubling, Juan Pierre did just that in his fight to regain a spot in the outfield. Add a single to that, and he was an incredible 2-for-3. Sell high, Ned. April 7, 2008 - Diamondbacks 9, Dodgers 3
While you can overlook Brad Penny's first inning on Saturday, it's a little harder to let Esteban Loaiza's appearance on Monday pass without worrying if it's going to become a regular occurence. Last year it sure was, so there's really no reason to expect him to suddenly regain his form of... of... uh, well actually he's never been that great. And now he's old. So you've got a mediocre pitcher getting old. Not real promising. Neither, of course, were the appearances of Chan Ho Park and Scott Proctor on Monday. Park gave up three hits, including a home run, in an inning and two-thirds, and Proctor got crushed for four runs in just an inning—with two of Proctor's first four pitches leaving the yard. Aside from a Jeff Kent home run and Diamondback error, the Dodger bats looked as flat as a 9-year-old girl. In fact, maybe Joe Torre will give the 9-year-old girl a chance to start in left, since he always seems more than willing to put Juan Pierre out there. What the hell? How long are you going to punish Matt Kemp for having three lousy games? The rest of the fucking season? And how long are you going to punish Dodger fans (and yourself) by putting Pierre in the lineup? Pierre is now batting .067, although he did hit the ball hard twice on Monday. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. April 6, 2008 - Dodgers 3, Padres 2
The Dodgers are better, too, having just taken two of three from the Padres in San Diego. Since 2001, the Dodgers are 29-36 in San Diego (well, 31-37 now), and there's something about Padres fans that makes the 37 feel like eight-seven. I don't know exactly what it is. Maybe it's the fact that they love Khalil Greene even though he's obviously an anti-semite. Maybe it's the fact that they love Khalil Greene because he's an anti-semite. Maybe he's not an anti-semite at all, but how many blond guys can a team have? Come on, it's a little frightening. As for Sunday's game, Chin-lung Hu—starting in place of Jeff Kent, who suffered a pre-game rash from his Depends—emerged the unlikely hero. Hu caught Brian Giles rounding third base in the third inning, and then came through big in the ninth with a game-winning RBI single off Trevor Hoffman (who's pitching more like Glenn Hoffman of late). Takashi Saito pitched a perfect ninth for his first save of the season, and the Dodgers improved to 4-2. All with Juan Pierre in the leadoff spot. Joe Torre benched Matt Kemp for the second day in a row, giving Pierre an opportunity to prove he belongs in the starting lineup. Thankfully Pierre took the opportunity and flushed it down the toilet, going 0-for-4. Also going 0-for-4 was Andruw Jones, who struck out three times and pretty much looks fat and shitty—just like he did last year. Unfortunately for Torre, he can only bench so many guys. April 4, 2008 - Dodgers 7, Padres 1
Meanwhile, Blake DeWitt continues to impress. Well, he's impressing me—although maybe not the Dodgers, since it appears they're still hot for Wes Helms. Put on waviers by the Phillies a couple days ago, Helms is expected to be released in about a week. If that happens, look for Colletti to pick him up as a cheap alternative to a rookie who's actually proving he might be able to handle the job. DeWitt has reached base in nine of his first sixteen at-bats and has played smoothly at third. But how can you turn down Wes Helms? He's a career .265 hitter with little power, no speed, and a first name that looks funny if you stare at it for a really long time. |
Boy, there's nothing like a crowd of 3,000 people to get Major League teams pumped up. Okay, there were actually 11,000 people in the stands for the Dodgers/Marlins on Monday night, but that's got to include ushers, vendors, and about 5,000 people who are really good at looking invisible. 
Late-arriving fans may have learned their lesson on Saturday night when the Dodgers scored ten runs in the first inning—and just one the rest of the game. We'll never miss the first inning again, you yelled at your wife, who's generally still picking her shoes fifteen minutes before game time. So on Sunday, you made it there by the first pitch. And with two outs, the Dodgers loaded the bases. Wow, I'm so happy we made it on time, you told your wife, sitting next to you, shoeless. Ready for another ten run outbusrt, you watched Andruw Jones step to the plate... and fly out to end the inning. 
Russell Martin finally got a break from catching on Friday night... because he had to take off his gear and play third base. Why would a guy who squatted behind the plate for nine innings (and the five years prior to that) have to suddenly play third? Maybe you should ask Ned Colletti and Joe Torre, who apparently didn't see any risk in sending down the team's only backup for a guy who can barely blink without hurting himself. It's like leaving your spare tire at home and deciding to drive through a construction site. Or throwing away all your napkins knowing that you're about to make Sloppy Joes for dinner.
If the Dodgers could play regularly like they did on Wednesday night, well, they might actually be able to prevent the Diamondbacks from clinching the division in May. The Dodgers knocked out thirteen hits, played flawless defense, and aside from some wildness on the mound, kept Arizona quiet when it mattered.
A few days ago Andruw Jones was quoted saying something about the season ending in August. The way the Dodgers have been playing, though, I really doubt I can even make it past May. Another few weeks of this shit and I think I’m done—not because they’re terrible (which they certainly are), but because there’s only so many ways to say that they played nine innings and scored just one run. They did it on Friday. They did it on Saturday. And they did it on Sunday. One run. Each day. Three days, three runs. Twenty-seven innings, one hit with runners in scoring position. Nine hours of baseball, nine hundred reasons to wish O’Malley kept the fucking team in Brooklyn.
The Dodgers flew 3,000 miles for that? Errors, poor pitching, a feeble offensive attack, and a collision that almost took out the only Dodger who’s actually hitting. Andruw Jones made his much-anticipated return to Atlanta, and maybe the Dodgers can leave him there. Atlanta fans gave Andruw a loud ovation when he came to bat for the first time, probably because they’re thankful he’s not on the Braves anymore. Confirming their feelings, Andruw struck out—his first of two on the night.
How quickly everyone forgets.... that the Dodgers are hitting .250 as a team... that the Dodgers are hitting .237 with runners in scoring position... that the Dodgers have already lost eight games—despite playing half against relatively crappy teams... that the Dodgers have strong pitching one day, and give up four in the first inning the next. They score eleven runs on Tuesday against the Pirates, and suddenly all is forgotten? Well, it's not. If you want to bend over and lick your own nuts because you're so excited, go ahead, but I'll pass. 
Serving as yet another reminder that everything Ned Colletti does is wrong, Greg Maddux led the Padres to a 1-0 victory over the Dodgers on Sunday. Maddux, as we all know, would still be a Dodger if Colletti wasn’t mad at Scott Boras after the 2006 season like a 3rd grade girl gets mad at her best friend for sleeping over at someone else’s house. While Maddux was out winning 14 games for the Padres in 2007, Colletti was picking up guys like Jason Schmidt, Randy Wolf, and Esteban Loaiza. Ned, of course, eventually forgave Boras—just in time to blow $36 million on Andruw Jones.
A week after being at the center of a brown hand controversy after he 2-hit the Dodgers, Jake Peavy wasn't so filthy at Dodger Stadium on Friday night—his hands or his stuff. Any coincidence? He gave up six hits in the first three innings, and nine in total over his six innings. Just one of those days for Peavy? Or a little more difficult to fool guys when your hand isn't lathered from finger tip to palm in pine tar?
Welcome to Dodger baseball, Joe Torre. After eight games, the team is 4-4, the offense is five for their last 39 with runners in scoring position, and the new acquisitions have pretty much flopped. While you can't judge a team in a week, I think it's safe to say that there won't be a shortage of things to write about this season.
What a model of consistency the Dodgers aren't. Since the second game of the season, they've alternated wins and losses, looking solid one day and helpless the next. Monday was a helpless day, from the pitching to the offense to, well, the look on Joe Torre's face. For the second time in three days a Dodger starter got bombed for four runs in the first inning, and for the second time in three days it was more than enough since it looked like the Dodgers were swinging perforated pipe at home plate. 
First of all, spare me the emails. I promise this is the only bad Hu/Who joke I'll make this year. I just had to get it out of my system. I'm all better now.
It's a little early to get excited about Hiroki Kuroda considering the direction Kaz Ishii's career went after his successful debut in 2002, but the newest Dodger starter picked up his first Major League win on Friday night. Making just 77 pitches over seven innings, Kuroda gave up just three hits without walking a Padres batter. He may want to work on his bunting technique (or at the very least, the way he holds the bat like it's the handle bar of a bike), but clearly he's got the pitching thing down. In fact, all of the Dodgers seem to have the pitching thing down—at least over the first four games. The staff has given up just five runs so far this season, and that even counts Esteban Loaiza. Between Loaiza and Chan Ho Park, though, you've got to figure it's just a matter of time before the opposition fattens up. Or if not the opposition, then Andruw Jones, who looks pudgier by the day.