|
> AUGUST 2003 August
31, 2003
August
28, 2003
August
27, 2003
August
26, 2003
August
24, 2003
August
21, 2003
August
20, 2003
August
19, 2003
August
17, 2003
August
16, 2003
August
14, 2003
August
13, 2003
August
11, 2003
August
10, 2003
August
9, 2003
August
8, 2003
August
6, 2003
August
5, 2003
August
4, 2003
August
3, 2003
August
1, 2003
|
In
an eight-team Wild Card chase, anything can happen—which explains
why the Dodgers are suddenly the team in third place. Their sweep
of the Rockies on Sunday puts them a game and a half back of both
Florida and Philadelphia, and a half game in front of Houston. That's
all fine and dandy until they lose a game and suddenly find themselves
back in seventh place. Although, with the way their offense is coming
around (they got four hits Sunday), the rest of the league must
be pretty scared. Oh, by the way, Shawn Green has twelve home runs.
OK, it's a little off topic, but it's time to tear this guy a new
one. Not counting his August 19th chicken-shit home run that actually
hit the bullpen gate, Green's last blast was on July 21st, a span
of 35 games. A few days ago, Green said that he's happy being a
singles hitter. Well, we're happy for him—only problem is that
he isn't being paid $15 million to get base hits. We were willing
to cut him some slack in April, May, and even June. But now it's
September. Eric Young, Matt Stairs, and Rafael Furcal each have
more home runs than Green. Jesus, Adrian Beltre has more
home runs than Green. Hell, it's gotten to the point where it's
more exciting to watch Cesar Izturis swing the bat. That's depressing.
The
Dodgers finally gained ground in the Wild Card race on Tursday,
but it wasn't easy. With the Dodgers up by two in the bottom of
the eighth, Eric Gagne was brought in to pitch to Lance Berkman
with a runner on. Not surprisingly, Berkman crushed Gagne's second
pitch to centerfield. (And we say 'not suprisingly' because we've
all come to expect a Gagne breakdown when he enters the game in
anything but a clean 9th inning save situation.) Dave Roberts went
back on the ball, up the ridiculous hill in centerfield, reached
above the wall, and amazingly snagged the ball from a fan. Truly
a beautiful catch—and one that saved Gagne's sloppy ass from
his first blown save. The Dodgers actually tallied double-digits
in hits, and Jeromy Burnitz knocked off his crappy hitting and knocked
in three runs instead. So, the shitheads have pulled to within stirking
distance of the Wild Card lead. Think it's time to get excited?
Well, think again. Sure, it's depressing to be realistic, but a
true Dodger fan has no choice.
In
the last five games, the Wild Card leaders, Philadelphia and Florida,
have gone 0-5 and 1-4, respectively. With a golden opportunity to
gain ground, the Dodgers have gone 1-4. A week ago they were two
and a half games out. Today, they're two and a half games out. On
the one hand, the Dodgers are pretty goddamn fortunate to still
be that close. On the other hand, they've completely failed to take
advantage of other teams' struggles and as soon as someone gets
hot, they're fucked. Wednesday's game was another enjoying one to
watch. The Dodgers managed to score just a run on seven hits, and
the game was practically over before it started. On the bright side,
we learned that Houston pitcher Wade Miller and his wife bought
an old farmhouse that was built in 1798—coincidentally the
same year Rickey Henderson was born.
The
Dodgers lost 18-4 on Tuesday, but it wasn't just another runaway
game. It was, however, another example of why Jim Tracy is a terrible
manager. The Dodgers are in the heat of the Wild Card race, and
both the Phillies and Marlins lost on Tuesday. So, it's an important
game for the Dodgers, correct? And a manager would do whatever possible
to win, correct? Well, apparently not correct. It was obvious from
his first pitch that Odalis Perez didn't have much. Perez gave up
two runs in the first inning—on an absolute bomb by Jeff Kent—and
then gave up single runs in both the second and third. When Perez
loaded the bases in the fifth, it was time to pull him. But Tracy
left him in. And Perez gave up a bases-clearing double to Jeff Kent.
But Tracy left him in. After a pop-out, Lance Berkman singled in
Kent. But Tracy left Perez in. And Brad Ausmus walked. But Tracy
left Perez in. And Adam Everett singled to center, driving in Berkman.
But Tracy left Perez in. Then Ron Villone—the pitcher—singled
in the Astro's 10th run. Finally, with the game safely out of reach,
Jim Tracy made his way to the mound. Ten runs. Even if Perez had
been pulled when the score was 7-3, it's still a game. When the
score is 10-3, however, it's no longer a game. And it's not as if
Tracy was trying to avoid using a tired bullpen. The Dodgers had
a day off on Monday, and only Guillermo Mota was used on Sunday.
The bullpen was as fresh as it could be at this point in the season,
yet Tracy didn't turn to the pen until it was far too late. Sure,
the pen wasn't exactly effective once Tracy finally did go to them,
but at that point what did it matter? So, there's only one question:
Why? Really, there's only one legitimate explanation (and it's nothing
we haven't been saying for two years): Jim Tracy is a moron. 
A
complete lack of offense has haunted the Dodgers all season, and
Sunday was no exception. Only this time the Dodgers decided to add
something else to the mix: sloppy fielding. Two errors in the fourth
inning led to both Mets runs, which, of course, were enough to beat
the Dodgers. Kevin Brown committed the first error, fielding a dribbler
towards first and throwing the ball into the right field corner.
Actually, his first error was signing with the Dodgers in '98, but
the official scorer was generous with that one. Shawn Green followed
Brown's throwing error with one of his own, treating fans to $189
million worth of enjoyment. Then, just for kicks, the man who used
to be Rickey Henderson bobbled a ball on the next play. Not to worry,
though, the Dodgers still had 6 innings to mount a comeback—but
to no one's surprise, they didn't. To no one's surprise, they managed
just two hits. To no one's surprise, Alex Cora had neither of them.
And to no one's surprise, after the game Kevin Brown ripped out
a support column in the Dodgers clubhouse with his bare hands.
The
Dodgers beat the Expos 2-1 on Thursday, and are three games out
in the Wild Card race. It's definitely got us scratching our heads.
A team so bad should not be so close. Period. So why is it that
they are? You can say that the Dodgers never give up, you can say
they're tenacious, you can say they've got heart... but if you say
those things you'd be wrong. (And a little stupid.) The truth is,
the rest of the league just isn't that good. San Francisco has run
away in the West and Atlanta has run away in the East, but beyond
that, no team in the National League is having a great season. If
they were, the Dodgers wouldn't even be close. So, what's to make
of it? Well, I could make a hat, or a broach, or a pterydactyl...
(Screw you if you don't get the Airplane reference). Anyway, the
Dodgers may be three games back, but there are three teams ahead
of them, so don't wet your pants quite yet. Unless you're into that
kind of kinky shit. (In which case you should be a Giants fan.)
Eric
Gagne is a great closer. Eric Gagne, however, is NOT a great pitcher.
While he's converted every save opportunity this season, his success
hasn't extended into other situations. In fact, he's pretty lousy
in other situations. If there isn't a save to be had, don't expect
magic from Gagne. Time and time again that fatty has choked in non-save
situations... yet Jim Tracy continues to put Gagne in games with
the score tied. Yes, you'd like to be able to turn to your best
reliever at any time, whether the Dodgers are up by one, down by
one, or dead even. But at this point, it's not worth the risk. Jim
Tracy apparently disagrees. With the score tied at zero in the ninth
inning Wednesday, Gagne was brought in to face the heart of the
Expos lineup. Two batters later, the Dodgers were down 1-0. While
the Dodgers eventually won the game on Adrian Beltre's 10th inning
home run (are you kidding with this Beltre shit?), what happened
in the 9th shouldn't have come as a surprise. Unless you're Jim
Tracy. 
For
more than four months, something was terribly wrong: the Dodger
bullpen was reliable. They led the major leagues in ERA and did
an amazing job keeping the offensively-challenged Dodgers in ballgames.
And on those few occasions when the Dodgers actually had a lead,
the bullpen held it. That is, until Tuesday. Dodger relievers blew
two late inning leads, and the Dodgers lost to Montreal, 7-5. Up
by a run in the seventh, Guillermo Mota gave up a home run to Brad
Wilkerson. Then, up by a run in the eighth, Paul Quantrill got rocked
and the game quickly slipped away. Ladies and gentleman, introducing
the real Dodger bullpen. Yeah, yeah, the pen has been great this
season... but what have you done for me lately, goddammit? On a
brighter note, Montreal pitcher Hector Almonte chews grass. Like
a cow. Let's hope that Ron Coomer wasn't watching, because if he
was, Big Coomy is liable to walk to the plate with a candy bar in
his mouth.
Adrian
Beltre's five seasons with the Dodgers have been—if nothing
else—entertaining. Even before his first major league at-bat,
the Dodgers were so high on Beltre that they refused to include
him in a deal that would have brought Pedro Martinez back to the
Dodgers—a deal that now seems like a no-brainer and one that
might have actually relieved some of the nausea associated with
the Pedro/Delino trade. The real fun began in 1999, when the Dodgers
admitted to lying about Beltre's age when they signed him and were
punished severely by MLB and agent/asshole Scott Boras. Then, of
course, just as Beltre was about to have his "breakthrough"
season in 2001, a couple of Dominican doctors stuck rusty tools
in his abdomen. On top of it all, there's been the yearly debate
about whether the Dodgers should wait any longer for Beltre to realize
his potential—while many wonder whether he already has. The
Beltre-bashing reached a new level around the all-star break, when
Beltre's average was still lingering around .200. Now, after pretty
much everyone wrote him off, Beltre is suddenly swinging a hot bat,
leading the league in RBIs this month. That's all good and well,
but unfortunatley there are five other months to the season. Hitting
.300 for one month and .200 for the other five just isn't cool.
It's like having a girlfriend who only puts out once a month, but
when she does is willing to have anal. It gets tiring waiting for
anal once a month. Such is the Beltre situation—somehow. Anyway,
no one knows how this epic tale will evolve, but this much we can
guarantee: whatever the Dodgers end up doing with Beltre, it'll
inevitably be the wrong move. If they hang onto him, he'll hit .230
for the next seven years. If they dump him, he'll hit 40 home runs
somewhere. They're fucked if they do, fucked if they don't. In the
ass.
Dodger
pitcher Andy Ashby spent much of the season collecting dust in the
bullpen, pretty much because he sucked. Now that he's actually being
used, the problem is his health. After missing a scheduled start
last week in Florida, Ashby was too sick to fly with the team to
Chicago on Thursday. The Dodgers report that Ashby is sidelined
by a severe upper respiratory problem, but Dodger Blues has learned
that the problem is a lot simpler: the poor man is just hungry.
Ashby is listed at 200 pounds, but it's obvious that someone made
a typo and added an extra zero. The last time Ashby saw 200 pounds
was when Daryle Ward's ass accidentally sat on him. The Dodgers
can say what they want about an upper respiratory problem, but all
they need to do is give Ashby some pizza. Meanwhile, the Dodgers
somehow scored 10 runs on Saturday and beat the Cubs, 10-5. Dodger
fans should live that one up.
Four
games back in the Wild Card chase with 6 weeks left in the season,
the Dodgers turn to their secret weapon on Friday: Masao Kida. With
Kaz Ishii on the DL and Andy Ashby on his deathbed, Kida will make
his first major league start Friday—against Mark Prior. In
51 major league games—none since 2000—Kida has a 6.42
ERA. In 17 games at Triple-A this season, Kida has a 4.48 ERA. Anyone
remember Robinson Checo? Didn't think so. Anyway, we say just give
Wilson Alvarez the start again. He's been great lately, and he could
obviously use the excercise, so what the hell. He's had a day to
relax and fill up on taquitos, so he should be ready. But apparently
our plea is too late. Kida is set to start, and Jim Tracy is set
to lose.
As
if sitting through nine innings of Dodger baseball isn't miserable
enough, the Dodgers have been kind enough to give us even more terrific
baseball the past two nights. After losing 5-4 to the Marlins in
13 innings on Tuesday, the Dodgers came right back to lose 2-1 in
11 innings on Wednesday. Now 4-9 in extra inning games and 4 1/2
back in the Wild Card race, the Dodgers have entered the typical
tailspin that follows a winning streak. On Wednesday, the Dodger
bats were silent until a pinch-hit double by Paul Lo Duca tied the
game in the ninth. After scoreless innings by Eric Gagne (who shouldn't
have been pitching the ninth) and Paul Shuey (who re-assumed his
role as Shitty Shuey on Tuesday), Jim Tracy brought in Ismael Valdes—no,
wait, make that Victor Alvarez—to pitch the eleventh. Alvarez
gave up a leadoff walk, but then coaxed Ivan Rodriguez to ground
into a DP. That's when the powerful and always dangerous Mike Mordecai
came to the plate. Mordecai, who had a total of four home runs the
past two and a half seasons, drove Alavarez's fifth pitch over the
leftfield wall, and that was that. It's one thing to lose to Mike
Lowell or Pudge or even Derek Lee... but to get burned by Mike Mordecai
is just embarassing. It's the equivalent of Jason Romano—who
on Wednesday was sent to Triple-A for the 23rd time this season—hitting
the game-winning home run for the Dodgers. Victor Alvarez: big future.
Marlins
rookie Dontrelle Willis has stymied the national league this season,
but the Dodgers weren't impressed. Knocking Willis around for seven
runs in just three innings, the Dodgers went on to a 9-3 victory
on Monday. After getting just five hits on Sunday, the Dodgers went
nuts, getting sixteen. Everyone in the starting lineup had at least
one hit—well, everyone except Jason Romano. Given a rare start
because of the lefty Willis on the mound, Romano went 0-for-5 and
is now batting a healthy .069. If Romano goes one for his next ten,
he'll actually raise his average. That's just not right.
Even Daryle Ward is laughing—in between sips of chocolate milk.
Figuring
that a six game streak was good enough to get fans interested again,
the Dodgers lost 3-1 to the Cubs on Sunday and blew a chance to
gain a game on both Wild Card leaders. Looking a bit tired—probably
from the taxing autograph session prior to the game—the Dodgers
managed just five hits and looked a lot more like the 2003 Dodgers
we've come to love. Paul Lo Duca went 0-for-4 with two strikeouts,
and Jeromy Burnitz struck out three times, including a ninth-inning
K to end the game. The Cubs' runs came on two Sammy Sosa blasts
of Kevin Brown—while creative Dodger fans chanted "Corky,
Corky, Corky." Very original. These must be the same jackasses
who lean over the railing to pluck fair balls from the field (which
happened twice over the weekend). The fear of ejection apparently
isn't enough to discourage fan interference. So what's enough? The
threat of death. There are a few really good options: (1) Allow
the outfielders to carry weapons and shoot at anyone who's about
to reach for a ball, (2) Construct a moat with alligators along
the base of the stands, or (3) After someone interferes, take them
out to centerfield and allow Jason Romano to beat the shit out of
'em in front of 50,000 people. Considering the intelligence level
of the people who sit by the foul poles, however, we're liable to
see a lot of bullet wounds, alligator attacks, and Romano beatings.
Getting
bigger by the moment, Wilson Alvarez can apparently still pitch.
Filling in for the injured Kaz Ishii, Alvarez shut down the Cubs
over seven innings on Saturday night, allowing just four hits. Meanwhile,
the Dodgers scored six runs and won their sixth straight. But the
news isn't all good. While grooming the field after the game, the
groundscrew made a sad discovery: the pitcher's mound had sunk about
2 inches. "The dirt is compacted very well," said a member
of the groundscrew who asked to remain anonymous, "but the
mound is not built for Wilson Alvarez." While the Dodgers have
yet to decide how to handle the situation, it's likely that they'll
simply ask Alvarez not to keep beans and candy bars in his pockets
while he's pitching. 
The
Dodgers are like a girl who's cheated five times and tells her boyfriend
that she won't do it again. Do you believe her? Well, if you're
an idiot you do. Same goes for the Dodger situation. Too many times
have the Dodgers put together a winning streak only to fall apart
immediately afterwards. They may have won their fifth in a row on
Friday night, but are we supposed to believe that they're suddenly
good? Fuck no. We told you a few days ago, and we'll tell you again:
You do not have permission to get excited until they win 25 in a
row. It's a shitty way to have to watch baseball, knowing you can't
get excited, but it's best for your health. Trust us.
Apparently
the Dodgers are in another one of their "We're a good team
and we can win" phases. They've done it twice before, and it
will inevitably be followed by an 8-game losing streak. While three
games is barely a streak, it's enough to get some people thinking
that the Dodgers aren't really as bad as they seem. But these people
are idiots. Of course the Dodgers are as bad as they seem. Winning
a couple games doesn't change anything, and unless the Dodgers win
the next 25 games, don't bother getting excited. Sure, it's nice
to see Eric Gagne blow away the final batter of a game... so get
excited for Gagne, not the Dodgers. On Wednesday, the Dodgers did
their best not to score, leaving the bases loaded twice, but managed
two runs nonetheless. And in what's becoming a normal occurance,
Odalis Perez didn't allow a hit until the 6th inning. A no-hitter
through five innings is hardly a major accomplishment, but Perez
flirts with more no-hitters than anyone in baseball. Every goddamn
start. In his last start against the Phillies, Perez didn't allow
a hit until the 5th. He had another one going earlier this season,
and of course made it to the eighth or ninth inning a couple of
times last year. Not sure what our point is. Oh, who cares.
Clutch
hitting? Power? A comeback victory? George Hendrick, the Dodgers
new hitting coach, is obviously a genius. Alex Cora and Shawn Green
had two hits. Each. In the same game. This is no coincidence.
Let's give credit where credit is due. George Hendrick is a genius,
and the Giants better watch their back. Give it a week and Cabrera
and Beltre will be hitting .300. Green will have 25 home runs. Daryle
Ward will be called up and have 14 straight pinch hits—and
he'll lose three pounds. The Dodgers won 5-2 on Tuesday night because
George Hendrick is a genius. The Dodgers will win 44 of their final
51 games. Why? Because George Hendrick is a genius. 
Jack
Clark took the fall, but as the hitting coach for a team that's
last in the universe in every offensive category, that's the f'ing
breaks. Whether he's at all responsible for the Dodgers offensive
woes this season is impossible to know, but what's clear is that
he failed to help anyone break out of their slump. Clark
never should have been a Dodger in the first place, and Tom Neidenfuer
should sleep a little better knowing that Clark's days in blue are
now over. While Clark may have technically been fired, don't bet
he's too torn up over it (well, at least not any more torn up than
he was on March 30th in Arizona). If you're the hitting coach of
a team as bad as the Dodgers, you've got to look at being canned
as a blessing. Instead of sitting on the bench, struggling to watch
the Dodgers struggle, Clark can now sit on his couch and take his
headache medicine in peace. You know damn well that Shelby, Hoffman,
and Riggleman are praying for that pink slip too. Hell, even Nancy
Bea wants out... but you don't know that because the Dodgers have
her locked in a room with an organ, a bottle of water, and some
crackers.
The
Dodgers went crazy on Sunday, scoring eight runs, and are now back
at .500. Fifty-five wins. Fifty-five losses. Mediocrity at its finest.
It's a beautiful thing actually, if you think about it. Baseball
players strive for consistency, and the Dodgers have been nothing
but consistent. Smart fans know what to expect when going to a Dodger
game, and the Dodgers don't disappoint. You expect them to score
a run. Maybe two. And they don't let you down. The 2003 Dodgers
are steady. Honest. They don't deceive you. They don't surprise
you with grand slams and clutch hits and comebacks. That's not the
Dodger way. They don't surprise you by pulling off great trades.
That's not the Dodger way. They don't surprise you by actually winning
games on a "make or break" roadtrip. That's not the Dodger
way. Years ago it may have been the Dodger way, but not today. Not
with someone named Scott Mullen starting.
As
the old adage goes, the only things certain in life are death and
taxes. Well, it's time to add Dodger futility to that list. The
Dodgers lost their fourth in a row on Friday night, getting shut
out by Atlanta, 2-0. Nothing new. Four hits. Nothing new. Left the
bases loaded three times. Nothing new. Boring as hell. Nothing new.
Jim Tracy is a douchebag. Nothing new. Dodgers lose another game
in the standings. Nothing new. The Dodgers latest worthless pickup,
Robin Ventura, called the Dodgers a "good team" on Friday.
He then turned around and ripped out his tongue. Meanwhile, Jim
Tracy and Dan Evans continue to put a positive spin on things, as
if anyone actually believes the crap they spew. Even people who
sit in the bleachers are smart enough to know better. Christ this
is bad. September 28th cannot come soon enough. Which begs the question:
Other than a couple peanut vendors, would anyone care if the Dodgers
forfeited the rest of the season?