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1, 2004
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Brent Mayne called Arizona home for an entire half season. But just
as fans had begun to love the backup catcher, buying Brent Mayne
jerseys and asking for his autograph on their bare breasts, he was
traded to the Dodgers. His much-anticipated return to the city of
barren earth took place on Tuesday. One fan even recognized him.
Mayne went a quiet 0-for-1. Another former Diamondback, however,
had a slightly better day. A guy named Steve Finley, who played
five and a half season for Arizona, homered off Randy Johnson in
the 6th inning, and then won the game with a three-run double in
the 13th. Johnson fanned Finley in his first two at-bats (as he
did everyone else), but Finley's solo home run was enough to keep
the Dodgers going for almost four hours. Johnson, who could have
been a Dodger had the Diamondbacks not asked for the world in return,
looked angry as ever Tuesday. Huh... can't imagine why... maybe
it has something to do with his team's 91 losses. Or maybe he just
misses Brent Mayne.
It's been feast or famine for the Dodgers of late. Last Sunday they
lost 10-1 to Atlanta. Tuesday they beat Montreal, 10-2. Thursday
they beat Montreal, 10-3. Friday, the Mets crushed them 9-2. And
with Kaz Ishii on the hill Sunday, the Dodgers beat the Mets, 10-2.
While Adrian Beltre had an off day, going only 1-for-3 (and doing
irreparable damage to his MVP chances), Robin Ventura came up big,
hitting his 17th career grand slam in the fifth inning to put the
Dodgers up 8-1. A grand slam by Ventura isn't news. What is news,
however, is the fact that Brent Mayne knocked in his 400th career
run. You can talk about the Lock Ness Monster or the disappearance
of Chandra Levy, but there's no bigger mystery than Brent Mayne's
400 RBIs. The way he's been hitting since he joined the Dodgers,
it would take about 130 years to reach 400. There's a chance that
he hasn't always been so crappy, but we're going with the more likely
theory: someone can't count. Here's another theory: Rick Monday
is a retard. With Mayne up in the 4th inning, Monday expressed amazement
that the three Mets outfielders were playing so shallow. He's amazed
at that? Frankly, with Mayne up, it wouldn't be a surprise if all
three outfielders were sitting down. Any chance of getting Eric
Karros in the booth next year? The guy is articulate, knows baseball,
and obviously isn't wearing a uniform these days. In fact, he probably
isn't wearing anything... he's just running naked around his Manhattan
Beach home... hair all over his Rookie of the Year award... pictures
of Mike Piazza on his nightstand. On that note, we look ahead to
Arizona. Three games against the worst team in the majors. Look
for a sweep... of the Dodgers.
After being killed 9-2 on Friday night, and with Odalis Perez coming
off of a horrendous outing last week, the Dodgers badly needed to
rebound in New York. They did, coming from behind to beat the Mets,
4-2. The Dodgers scored two in the eighth and one in the ninth,
and Eric Gagne avoided a 9th inning collapse for the first time
in awhile. Things didn't start off well for the Dodgers, with Odalis
Perez giving up a bomb on his second pitch of the game—to a
guy who had never hit a home run in the major leagues. Dodger pitchers
seem to excel at that. Just as Milton Bradley seems to excel lately
at swinging after the ball crosses the plate. They're not bad swings...
it's just that it's tough to hit the ball if it's sitting in the
catcher's glove. For Hee-Seop Choi, however, it's just tough to
hit the ball, period. Choi went 0-for-3 on Saturday, meaning Jim
Tracy will probably have him in the lineup on Sunday. Choi wasn't
the only O'fer. When your number two and three guys in the lineup
go a combined 0-for-10, you're asking for trouble. Or, you're asking
for Beltre to carry the team. Adrian obliged, going 5-for-5 including
hitting his 42nd home run in the 3rd inning. So, the Dodgers have
another 1-game winning streak and face Kris Benson on Sunday. For
those who don't know, the important thing to remember about Benson
is that his wife is hot and slutty.
The Dodgers saved face on Thursday and beat the Expos, 10-3, leaving
Montreal with a split of the 4-game series. And leaving Montreal
for good. Whether they're moving to Virginia, Washington DC, or
somewhere in Turkey, the Expos will not be in Montreal next season.
Truly a shame for the seven families who showed up regularly to
watch games, but good-goddamn-riddance to that city. Montreal, a
city full of hockey people and French dudes, does not hold particularly
good memories for most Dodger fans. It's the city to which Pedro
Martinez was dealt. It's where Carlos Perez came from. It's where
Don Drysdale died. It's where Rick Monday hit a huge home run. (True,
Monday's home run in Game Five of the '81 NLCS got the Dodgers to
the World Series, but ten years of that guy's monotone voice has
soured the moment.) So the Dodgers say goodbye to Olympic Stadium,
and hello to their new RBI man, Brent Mayne. In the sixth inning
Thursday, Mayne drove in his first run as a Dodger—by taking
four balls. Together now, Mayne and David Ross have three RBIs since
the trades. Three. Obviously some serious competition going on between
the two catchers. First one to five wins an Elmer Dessens bobblehead.
There are a few reasons why the Expos draw about 300 people per
game. One reason is that French people don't like baseball. Another
is that Olympic Stadium is a shithole. A third reason is that the
Expos suck. They're 20 games under .500. They've got guys who wouldn't
even be on other organizations' triple-A clubs. They're 18 games
behind the Braves in the East. Yet, they've beat the Dodgers two
of the last three days. Wednesday it was Lima Time, although apparently
Jose was confused and thought it was time to throw fat pitches down
the middle. Lima got shelled, giving up four home runs in five innings.
As usual, Lima talked to himself on the mound, and must have been
muttering about David Ross's .183 average. Or the fact that the
Dodgers are just 13-11 since the trades. Or the fact that these
are the goddamn Puerto Rico Expos, and the first place Dodgers seem
to think they're the Yanks. The Dodgers are facing the bottom of
the barrel the next week (in the Expos, Mets, and Diamondbacks)
and if they don't fatten up, they're going to find themselves in
a whole lot of trouble come September 3rd when they play 6 of 9
against the Cardinals. The best they can do now is split this series
with Montreal, and honestly that's just pathetic. Almost as pathetic
as the look on Expos' manager Frank Robinson's face, who looks like
he's just ready to kill himself.
For the Dodgers, Monday's game began badly and ended even worse.
In between, they came from a six-run deficit to tie the game in
the top of the ninth. The Dodgers likely wouldn't have had to come
from six runs behind, however, if Jim Tracy knew anything about
baseball. Instead of pulling Odalis Perez as soon as it was evident
that the guy didn't have anything, Tracy was quietly sitting in
the dugout penciling Brent Mayne's name into the next 412 starting
lineups. Meanwhile, Perez was getting hammered—by a Double-A
team. Eight hits. Three home runs. Seven runs. For the second consecutive
game, the Dodgers appeared to throw in the towel. Only on Monday,
they pecked away at the Expos. Dodger relievers held the Expos scoreless
for five innings, and the Dodgers entered the ninth down by two.
Enter Adrian Beltre, a.k.a. Holy Fucking Shit, is That Really Adrian
Beltre? After fouling off four pitches, Beltre sent one over the
wall in center for his 39th home run, tying the game. The Dodgers'
evil plan to torture their fans was almost complete. All they needed
was Giovanni Carrara to get a couple outs, load the bases, take
Juan Rivera to a full count, and then walk in the winning run. Bingo.
(Bingo?) You wonder why this web site exists—well, it's because
of games like this. (It's also because Fred Claire traded for Delino
DeShields, but that's another story.) The girl unbuttons her blouse.
Slowly takes off her bra. Walks towards you seductively. Then kicks
you in the nuts and calls a cab. On Monday, the girl was wearing
a Dodger uniform. Typical shit with the bullpen, too: Dodgers fall
behind by a ton of runs, Dodger relievers do great. Dodgers somehow
manage to tie the game, Dodgers reliever immmediately turns to crap.
And don't think we're not going to mention this: Robin Ventura was
5-for-6 with two home runs against Expos starter Sun-Woo Kim, but
Jim Tracy starts the game with Hee-Seop Choi at first base. How
long before Jose Hernandez is starting at third base instead of
Beltre?
When it's the third inning and Vin Scully is talking about Elmer
Dessens' childhood, you know that either Vinny has lost his mind,
or the Dodgers are down by eight runs. On Sunday, it was the latter.
And the Dodgers needed a ladder to climb out of the hole that Wilson
Alvarez dug them in the second inning. Over his last ten appearances,
Alvarez had compiled a 2.36 ERA and record of 5-0. In the second
inning, however, Alvarez lost his focus and Dodger fans lost their
lunch. (Hearing of this, Wilson said he would begin searching for
those lost lunches.) The Braves hammered Alvarez for seven hits
before he was mercifully pulled in favor of Elmer Dessens—who
immediately gave up a 3-run bomb to Chipper Jones. Dessens should
fit just fine in the Dodger bullpen. Down 8-0 after two frames,
the Dodgers obviously threw in the towel. (Hearing of this, Alvarez
quickly grabbed the towel and used it to wipe up the fudge he spilled
on his arm after he was removed from the game.) The Dodgers didn't
get a hit until the 5th inning, and ended up with just five (to
Atlanta's nineteen). It's a shame the game didn't get a little more
out of hand—would have been nice to see Ventura on the mound
again.
The Dodgers were up by three runs in the 9th inning on Saturday,
and Eric Gagne sat quietly in the dugout. No "GAME OVER"
flashing on the scoreboard. No Guns n' Roses. No standing ovations.
After three un-Gagne-like outings, Eric was thankfully given the
day off. Giovanni Carrara, who entered Saturday with an ERA of less
than 1.00, took the mound instead. And he picked up right where
Gagne left off, loading the bases with one out. Carrara settled
down, however, getting a pop-up and finally a ground ball to end
the game. Meanwhile, Shawn Green continued his protest of our "Green
Ground-outs" countdown, hitting a grand slam in the first inning
and a solo shot in the third—plenty of support for Jeff Weaver,
who pitched seven solid innings (despite beaning the bases loaded
in the first inning). Weaver worked out of two bases loaded jams,
and had a couple base hits of his own. In bigger news, though, Hee-Seop
Choi didn't strike out on Saturday. Could have been because he spent
the entire game in the dugout, but it's definitely an accomplishment
worth noting.
If Adrian Beltre was wearing a Yankee uniform, a Red Sox uniform,
or a Cardinals uniform, perhaps he'd be getting some recognition
right about now. Things might change come April when he is
wearing one of those uniforms, but for now he's a Dodger. And without
a doubt, he's carrying the rest of team. Beltre doubled in the Dodgers
first run on Friday. Then, for the second consecutive night, Beltre
homered twice, tying the game with an opposite field shot in the
bottom of the ninth off of John Smoltz, and then winning the game
with a blast to left field in the eleventh. Adrian Beltre—yes,
the same Adrian Beltre who would once chase a ball four feet off
the plate—is now the major league leader in home runs. He's
hitting .362 in the second half. And for the last four months, he's
had pieces of bone floating around his ankle. Hell, more guys should
have bone spurs. On Friday, Beltre's shot in the ninth did more
than tie the game—it bailed out Eric Gagne, who was about to
take his third loss in a row. Beltre may have saved Gagne a loss,
but there's no mistaking that something is terribly wrong with goggle
boy. Overworked? Injured? Lonely without Mota? Is it bad pitch selection?
Is it the uniform numbers of former teammates that are scribbled
on his hat? Whatever the reason, Gagne's mystique is suddenly (and
rapidly) wearing off. Is it unfair that the guy isn't allowed to
slump? Yeah, It's totally unfair. But when a closer slumps, it's
bad news... especially when your alternatives are named Duaner,
Yhency, and Elmer. It's obvious that Giovanni Carrara belongs in
the set-up role, but scoreless innings by Carrara won't mean shit
unless Gagne straightens himself out. Right now, though, he's a
little busy shining Beltre's shoes, washing his car, and buying
him drinks.
If you're a Dodger fan, cover your sphincter because the Dodgers
are trying to anally rape you. The 2004 season has had some enjoyable
moments, but we're all beginning to be reminded of why many Dodger
fans are chronically depressed, pessimistic, and angry as hell.
There's a good reason for it. It's because they do shit like this.
Like what, you ask? Like falling behind by four runs (thanks, Kaz)
before most people have even paid their $30 for parking. Like striking
out against Tom Martin. Like coming from behind to score two runs
in the fucking eighth (barely missing the go-ahead run on great
defensive play), only to lose the game ten minutes later with Eric
Gagne on the mound—again. Duaner and Yhency manage to throw
four scoreless innings, and then Gagne tanks. Without Gagne, the
Dodgers are nothing. If Gagne doesn't snap out of his little funk,
the Dodgers will find themselves in third place faster than Hee-Seop
can strike out on three pitches. And it's terrific that the Dodgers
are hitting home runs like crazy, but here's a wild fucking idea:
a home run with someone on base. Five home runs in the last two
days. All solo shots. All prove to be useless. At least Dodger fans
attending the game Thursday were able to conveniently ease the pain
by taking the Eric Gagne commemorative pin handed out before the
game and stab themselves in the eye with it. No worries, though,
the Dodgers now have Elmer Dessens in the pen. Maybe DePodesta was
hoping that Elmer's glue could put Darren Dreifort back together.
Eric
Gagne got roughed up on Wednesday. No doubt about it. The Marlins
scored four runs in the ninth, and Gagne was slapped with his second
blown save of the season. And to make it worse, the big blow came
off the bat of former Dodger Lenny Harris. But let's step back for
a second. Let's look at the eighth inning. With Guillermo Mota pitching,
Milton Bradley and Adrian Beltre started the inning with singles.
Mota got two outs, but then hit Alex Cora. Bases loaded, two outs.
Dodgers up by just two runs. With a great chance to pad their lead,
Brent Mayne steps to the plate. Brent Mayne, a guy batting .230
(and even less as a Dodger). On the bench sits Robin Ventura, a
guy who's come up big time and time again—and, oh, has like
a .700 career average with the bases loaded. If you don't use Ventura
in bases loaded, two-out, eighth inning situation like that, when
the hell do you use him? So what does Jim Tracy do? He finds a nice
little booger in his nose and lets Mayne bat. Totally fucking inexcusable.
The Dodgers were up by two runs, not twenty. Gagne or no Gagne,
isn't the idea is to score as many runs as possible?? You don't
do that by sending Brent Mayne to the plate. You've got David Ross
to come in and catch the ninth—there's no reason in hell to
leave Mayne in the game in the bottom of the eighth. Maybe Tracy
needed a lesson. Well, he got one in the top of the ninth, courtesy
of the World Champion Marlins. The Marlins loaded the bases with
two outs in the ninth, and their crappy catcher, Mike Redmond, was
due up. Does Jack McKeon leave him in the game? No, he pinch-hits
for Redmond with Lenny Harris. And we all know what Harris did.
It's just common sense, really. Unfortunately Jim Tracy has none.
The man is a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE goddamn manager. Period. The Dodgers
are in first place in spite of Jim Tracy, not because of him. People
can talk about Gagne's blown save, or Guillermo Mota pitching a
scoreless eighth, or Paul Lo Duca scoring the Marlins' final run
of the game, but the key to Wednesday's game may very well have
been the at-bat by Brent Mayne. Jim Tracy held the key. Rubbed it
between his fingers. And then shoved it up his ass.
Wilson
Alvarez led the Dodgers to a 6-1 win Tuesday night, but it was another
victory that may ultimately prove more meaningful: Darren Dreifort
is done for the season. While it's another pathetic chapter in the
career of a guy who once truly had loads of potential, it's really
a blessing for the Dodgers (even though their pen is now thinner
than Tripp Cromer). It's not particularly cool to be happy about
a guy suffering a season-ending injury, but if an injury is what
it takes to keep Dreifort off the mound, mazel tov. An MRI on Tuesday
apparently revealed that Dreifort has a torn ACL in his right knee
(or the decomposing bone and ligament that doctors call his
right knee). Dreifort has undergone two Tommy John elbow reconstructions,
a right knee reconstruction, four arthroscopic knee operations and
one arthroscopic right hip operation. (But somewhere in there Kevin
Malone managed to slip the guy $55 million.) Operations on Dreifort's
ACL and hip (which doctors have also said needs to be replaced or
something) will make it ten operations for the poor guy. It's really
a wonder that Dreifort's ears haven't fallen off yet. Just in case,
he should tape them to his head any time he plans on making sudden
movements. We truly feel bad for Darren... but it's the best news
Dodger fans have heard since Jose Gonzalez was traded for Mitch
Webster. On the field Tuesday, it was Wilson Alvarez making headlines.
Alvarez pitched seven innings, giving up just an unearned run and
striking out six. After the Marlins loaded the bases with nobody
out in the seventh (with the Dodgers up by just two runs), Alvarez
got tough. He struck out Alex Gonzalez. He struck out Damion Easley.
And then, with the crowd of 45,000 on their feet (without even being
told to MAKE SOME NOISE), Alvarez got Juan Pierre (who's not a French
guy) to ground out. Alvarez actually called it one of the greatest
moments of his career. (His greatest moment, of course, came a few
years ago when a Tampa Bay clubhouse attendent left a full box of
Krispy Kreme donuts unguarded.) So, the Dodgers hang on to their
5-1/2 game lead over the Giants, and Jim Tracy quietly ponders his
bullpen options. While common sense would dictate that Giovanni
Carrara becomes the primary set-up guy (until he fucks up), we all
know that Jim Tracy lives in some parallel universe where lefties
can't hit lefties, righties can't hit righties, and Shawn Green
is batting .450. Which means one thing: Duaner in the eighth.
An
old friend returned to Dodger Stadium on Monday night. A short,
squat, tough veteran. A guy who's always got a smile on his face.
A guy wearing a Marlins uniform. A guy named Lenny Harris. What,
expecting someone else? Maybe a guy who had a key base hit in the
Marlins' eighth inning Monday? The eighth inning. There was
a time when those words—the eighth inning—didn't
scare the shit out of Dodger fans. It wasn't that long ago. In fact,
the eighth inning has only seemed to haunt the Dodgers since...
well... Hmmm, when was it that the eighth inning became a miserable,
dreaded little moment of time? Oh yeah, right around the trade deadline...
right around the time that a guy whose limbs are tied together with
yarn became the Dodgers set-up man. While it's been clear since
that moment that the Dodger bullpen isn't what it once was, it became
painfully obvious on Monday night. It was like walking in on your
girlfriend nailing another guy—and then getting hit in the
face by his gunk. Paul Lo Duca, Juan Encarnacion, and Guillermo
Mota all contributed to the Marlins' 4-2 win over the Dodgers; meanwhile,
Mota's replacement faltered again, giving up two runs and taking
the much-deserved loss. Darren Dreifort faced six batters in the
eighth inning. Three guys walked. Two guys got base hits. Half of
Dreifort's pitches went to the backstop, and the ones that didn't
were either two feet outside or hit into the outfield. If not for
a beleaguered Brent Mayne throwing out Juan Pierre at second, Dreifort's
line would have looked even worse. It isn't quite clear whether
Dreifort's problems are in his arm or head, but what is clear is
that Darren Dreifort has pictures of Jim Tracy in compromising positions
with animals. How else would you explain why this medical failure
continues to be put into games when the heat is on? As Glenn Frey
once sang, "the heat is on, it's on the street." Now it's
time to show Darren Dreifort that street (and time to stop making
references to bad 80's music). Figueroa Street. Spring Street. Third
Street. Any street will do. If it's got asphalt, it's perfect. Almost
as perfect as Sonia Lo Duca. Almost as perfect as it would have
been if Milton Bradley's bat had actually hit Guillermo Mota in
the bottom of the eighth instead of flying into centerfield. And
speaking of flying, is Tim Wallach planning on flying a plane? If
not, it's time for him to lose the aviator goggles.
After
being humbled on Saturday by a guy with a girl's name, the Dodgers
looked even worse on Sunday—at least at the start. Five of
the first six Dodger batters struck out, and Mark Prior was on a
roll. Meanwhile, Jose Lima was giving up home runs right and left
and Jim Tracy refused to get anyone up in the pen. Wasn't looking
good. Down 4-1 in the 6th, Shawn Green hit one of his useless home
runs—only this time it proved to actually be useful. The Dodgers
picked up a run in the 7th, and entered the eighth inning down 5-3.
Then it happened. A single, a walk, a sac fly by Olmedo, a game-tying
base hit by Cesar (on an 0-2 pitch), a go-ahead single by Steve
Finley, a 2-run double (oops, make that a single) by Milton Bradley...
Four Chicago relievers, five Dodger runs. Dodgers up, 8-5. And then
it happened: Jim Tracy came to his senses and put in Eric Gagne
to start the eighth. Gagne, looking rested and nasty, retired all
six guys to face him, and the Dodgers had pulled off another come-from-behind
win.
The
Dodgers are facing among the best in baseball this weekend—Greg
Maddux, Kerry Wood, and Mark Prior. They eeked out a win against
Maddux on Friday, but Saturday was a different story. Kerry Wood
dominated the Dodgers for eight innings, striking out seven en route
to a pretty easy Chicago shutout. The Dodgers had a glimpse at the
game for a brief moment in the eighth, loading the bases with two
out. Wood, however, rang up Adrian Beltre on a check swing, and
that was that. The Dodgers might have scored a run in the second
inning if not for a questionable decision by third base "coach"
Glenn Hoffman. With two outs and Alex Cora at first, Ross doubled
off the wall in left-center. Hoffman, however, held Cora at third—with
Kaz Ishii on deck. Kaz Ishii! Let's see, what's more likely:
the Cubs making a bad relay or Kaz Ishii getting a two-out hit off
of Kerry Wood? Terrible, terrible decision by Hoffman. Ishii, of
course, grounded out to third to end the inning. On the mound, however,
he did pretty well. Filling in for the injured Brad Penny, Ishii
pitched seven innings, allowing just two runs—and walked only
one. Didn't matter, though, as the Dodgers managed just five hits.
Meanwhile, word is that Hideo Nomo is ready to begin a rehab assignment
on Monday. That's a shame.
Greg
Maddux won his 300th game in San Francisco last weekend, thanks
to the Giants bending over. On Friday, however, the Dodgers weren't
so eager to be Maddux's bitch. They didn't exactly knock him around
either, but they did come out on top. Maddux issued two walks (obviously
an indication that his career is in jeopardy) and gave up eight
hits (most of them bloopers, bleeders, and bouncers) before leaving
in the seventh inning, down 2-1. The Dodgers blew a few chances
to break the game open, especially in the 7th when Brent Mayne was
thrown out at the plate. Cubs' centerfielder Corey Patterson made
a great throw, although it didn't help that Mayne seemed more concerned
with bowling over Michael Barrett than with actually touching the
plate (which Barrett left totally exposed). With the Dodgers up
2-1 in the eighth, Jim Tracy did his best to throw away the lead,
bringing in Darren Dreifort, but the Dodgers turned a huge double-play
to bail him out. The Dodgers finally broke through in the 9th, scoring
six runs, and went on to beat Chicago, 8-1. In other news, this
just in: the Olympics suck.
Yesterday
we made the comment that Darren Dreifort could pitch for the next
54 innings and the Dodgers would still be in first place. While
technically that's still true, Thursday's game has given us reason
to re-think that scenario. Dreifort continued to falter as the new
Guillermo Mota, quickly blowing the Dodgers' 2-run eighth inning
lead over the Reds. Facing five batters, Dreifort gave up a base
hit, home run, and walked two. After getting just one out, he was
pulled for Yhency Brazoban, but it was too late. It's also too late
in the season to stick with a guy like Dreifort with the game on
the line. Thanks to Paul DePodesta, the Dodgers don't have a lot
of options in the bullpen anymore, but every one sounds better than
Dreifort, who's given up five earned runs in his last two outings.
If it means bringing in Eric Gagne to pitch the eighth inning, so
be it. We'll take a tired Gagne over a rested Dreifort any day of
the week (including weeekends). Or hell, here's an idea: give the
set-up role to Giovanni Carrara, who's got an ERA of about 1.00
since joining the team at the beginning of July. Hell, let Robin
Ventura pitch the eighth. You can't throw away games simply because
a guy is making $11 million a year. Nothing against Darren Dreifort
the person—we've got no problems with his character. He's a
good guy. It's just that he's out of gas. He's done. And the Dodgers
will be too if he continues to be given the ball.
Seven
and a half games. The Dodgers are in first place by seven and a
half games. Go ahead, keep saying it. Seven and a half games. The
more you say it, the stranger it sounds. The only way it might sound
stranger is if Rick Monday said it, in which case it might sound
something like this: "Dodgers, over Padres, that is seven games
and a half game, San Diego in the west, first base line, need to
buy hemorrhoid cream." However you say it, though, it's true.
The Dodgers are seven and a half games ahead of the Padres. They
haven't had this big a lead in the division since Tommy Lasorda
could look down and actually see his nutsack. The Dodgers could
fail to score for a week, and they'd still be in first. Shawn Green
could ground out in his next 30 at-bats, and they'd still be in
first. Jim Tracy could put Darren Dreifort on the mound for the
next 54 innings, and they'd still be in first. (Yeah, you'd have
to scoop up a pile of body parts on the mound, but it would be a
first-place funeral.) On Wednesday the Dodgers scored 11 runs and
beat the hell out of Cincinnati—jesus, that's a strange name.
Really, look at it: Cincinnati. Three n's, three i's, nine c's...
it's ridiculous. How many guys on the Reds do you think could actually
spell it? Maybe Barry Larkin, because he's been there since the
1920's, but that's probably it. Joe Morgan would probably be able
to spell it, but he's a little prick, so who cares. Other people
from the Reds' past we don't like: Chris Sabo, Tom Hume, and Ray
Knight.
No
Jose Lima fist-pumping, butt-slapping, or breakdancing could do
anything to stop the ball that Cincinnati outfielder Adam Dunn hit
on Tuesday. Dunn's fourth-inning blast traveled 501 feet, though
later it was said to go 535--and one person (Dunn's mother) called
it at 812 feet. It could have made it all the way to Cleveland,
but it didn't matter to the Dodgers, who won 5-2. Lima hung in for
eight strong innings, giving the Dodgers' (lack of) bullpen some
time off. Dan Evans might have made some sketchy moves in his tenure
as general manager, but the spring training invitation to Lima is
proving to be one of his best. Lima is now 11-3 and more importantly,
the guys on the team get to see his wife's jugs. While those jugs
were likely supported by a gigantic bra on Tuesday, Lima was supported
by home runs from Steve Finley and Adrian Beltre, and a perfect
squeeze bunt from Alex Cora. Jugs... squeeze... well, time to go.
The
day began with a laugh. Then came the scream of pain. And lastly
a whimper, as the Dodgers went down to the Phillies, 4-1. The laugh:
Before the game, Wilson Alvarez entered the dugout wearing the bat
boy's jersey (after obviously spilling taco sauce on his own jersey).
The bat boy jersey was funny, but what followed was truly beautiful.
Someone in the dugout—someone who's identity must be divulged
so we can give them the credit they deserve—took some white
tape and changed "BAT BOY" to "FAT BOY." What
do you know, the Lo Duca- and Roberts-less Dodgers still have some
personality. The scream: Three batters into the game, Brad Penny
jumped off the mound, grabbing his arm in pain. After a chat with
mini-trainer Matt Wilson, Jim Tracy, and Jim Colborn, Penny threw
a practice pitch. Really? A practice pitch? After Penny jumps off
the mound grabbing his arm, the Dodgers think it's a good idea to
have him throw a practice pitch? So he throws the practice pitch,
then runs off the mound screaming in pain. Seconds later, paramedics
were called to Paul DePodesta's stadium suite to resuscitate the
Dodgers GM. Penny was rumored to have arm problems even before the
Dodgers traded for him, but that didn't stop DePodesta. So, heading
into a series with Cincinnati, let's take a look at the starting
pitching: Jose Lima (ok), Odalis Perez (lots of hair), Jeff Weaver
(psycho), Hideo Nomo (on the DL), Edwin Jackson (on the DL), Kaz
Ishii (in the pen? back in the rotation?), Penny (headed to the
DL?). Looking great. Now for the whimper: The Dodgers didn't have
a hit off Phillies starter Brett Myers until the sixth inning, and
finished the game with just four. The Dodgers narrowly avoided a
shutout, finally scoring a pathetic run on Shawn "Clutch"
Green's base hit with two outs in the ninth. FAT BOY... god that's
great.
The
Dodgers were down 5-0 on Friday night. Left a ton of guys on base.
Blew some scoring chances. Painful, but not as painful as them coming
back to tie in the ninth and losing in the 11th. The Phillies inflicted
pain early and often, hammering Kaz Ishii for 4 home runs in the
first two innings. Even after Ishii was taken out, he continued
to get hit hard, this time by a few Dodger players who beat the
hell out of him in the runway. Down 5-0, things looked shitty, but
Jayson Werth got the Dodgers within two in the fifth inning with
his animal power. Dodger relievers shut down the Phillies for the
next seven innings, and Werth came through again in the ninth, tying
the game with a bomb off of Tim Worrell (apparently it does
run in the family). Suddenly, things were looking up. The Dodgers
could taste victory. An inning later, however, the Dodgers tasted
defeat (which we hear tastes simliar to Hamburger Helper). An error
by Cesar Izturis (wouldn't you know it, the day after we named ESPN
Assholes of the Moment for not recognizing Izturis as a Gold Glove
candidate) led to four unearned Philly runs in the 11th, and that
was that. Depressing as hell to watch Jim Tracy pull Gagne from
the game. Even more depressing to watch Paul Lo Duca win the game
for the Marlins in the bottom of the ninth with a 2-run single against
the Brewers. This should certainly come as no surprise to Dodger
fans, but Lo Duca is 9-for-18 with 8 RBIs since joining the Marlins.
Yeah, uh-huh, a terrible hitter in the second half. Meanwhile, David
Ross struck out four times on Friday. Ross has now struck out 141
times in just 58 at-bats this season. Shocking... couldn't see that
one coming. So, both San Francisco and San Diego gain a game in
the West, and the Dodgers begin their stretch against winning teams
with a loss. Really, though, we'll take the blame. It's our fault—us,
Dodger Blues. No question about it. You see, on Thursday we gave
the Dodgers praise. We spoke highly of a few guys. We were positive.
And now we're positive that it was a huge mistake. It's clear that
Friday's game was engineered by the Baseball Gods to remind us of
our role: We're here to bash and criticize. We're here to make fun
of people. We're here to make sure Jim Tracy doesn't get a contract
extension. Some people look at the supermodel. We look at the zit
on the supermodel's foot. We'll remember that from now on.
At
Dodger Blues, we have a policy: if we don't have anything nice to
say, all the better. A problem arises, however, when all we have
is nice things to say. On Thursday, the Dodgers hit five home runs
(including back-to-back-to-back jacks in the first inning), Jeff
Weaver pitched a solid seven innings, and Yhency Brazoban (supposedly
the new Guillermo Mota, but with fewer DUI's) made a scoreless debut.
The Dodgers completed a sweep of the Pirates and could extend their
lead in the West to six and a half games if San Diego loses. So
rather than dwell on Shawn Green's groundout (his 139th of the season)
or the run that Duaner Sanchez gave up in the ninth (giving him
a 12.50 ERA in his last two appearances), or the home run that Paul
Lo Duca hit for the Marlins (his second since the trade), let's
talk about some positive shit. First of all, Jose Lima. God bless
the guy. Whether he's on the mound or in the dugout, Lima is yelling,
clapping, and fun to watch. He's also the caffeine that the Dodgers
have been missing since Mickey Hatcher. On the mound, Lima has been
just as valuable, winning 10 games so far this season. Next up,
Milton Bradley. We can talk about his anger management problems
all we want, but it comes down to one thing: the guy truly cares.
And he's intense. And cocky. And a smart ballplayer. It's a great
combination. He's a guy with fifteen home runs (after hitting two
on Thursday), but he's also a guy who's not afraid to bunt. Or to
get splinters in his thigh. On to Alex Cora. What Cora lacks in
raw ability he makes up in determination and brains. He may be a
little funny looking, but the dude is on the ball. When his playing
career ends, he's got a career as a sliding coach. As simple as
it really is to do, Cora is one of the only guys who consistently
avoids outs with perfect slides. He did it again on Wednesday. It's
beautiful to watch. Next up: Eric Gagne. Despite the numbers 16
and 30 chalked onto his hat that make it seem like Lo Duca and Roberts
died in a car accident, Gagne continues to be as close to perfect
as anybody in baseball. Stud is 139-5 in save opportunities. Five
blown saves over three seasons. It's pretty safe to say no Dodger
has ever elicited the fan reaction that Gagne does when he jogs
in from the bullpen. We could also talk about the emergence of Adrian
Beltre, Cesar Izturis, and Jayson Werth, but all this praise is
making us a little nauseous. Or maybe it was that picture of the
toe.
The
Dodgers won on Wednesday, 2-1, despite losing Cesar Izturis who
apparently has poor podiatric hygiene. The Dodgers win increases
their lead to 5 1/2 games in the West, seemingly their biggest lead
since Koufax and Drysdale were on the team. Paul Lo Duca and Dave
Roberts may be gone, but Jose Lima isn't, and the dude was as pumped
as ever on Wednesday. Lima pitched seven strong innings, and Alex
Cora's seventh inning home run saved him from another no-decision.
Meanwhile, Cesar Izturis couldn't wear a shoe. With an infected
toe caused by an ingrown toenail, the Dodger shortstop sat the game
out. He had company later in the game when Steve Finley joined him
in the trainer's room with a sore hamstring (a.k.a sore vagina).
More importantly, however, Dodger Blues has discovered Brent Mayne's
birth certificate. We won't disclose his real age, but we will say
that the birth certificate was inscribed on a tablet. So figure
it out for yourself.
First
of all, before we go any further, you've got our word: no more Penny
puns. Nothing about Penny shining. Nothing about Penny being money.
We promise. Just had to get it out of our system. Sort of like a
bad penny. Moving on... In their first game at home since Paul DePodesta's
weekend housecleaning, the Dodgers beat the Pirates, 3-2. Brad Penny
made his Dodger debut, and overcame early shakiness to pitch eight
strong innings. Penny got hammered the first few innings, but the
Pirates failed to find the holes and came up empty. Penny allowed
just 2 infield hits over his eight innings, and made way for Eric
Gagne in the ninth. After throwing three innings on Sunday, however,
Eric Gagne wasn't quite Eric Gagne. Closer to Greg Gagne. With his
shirt almost completely untucked, he looked like Eric, but the Pirates'
two runs in the ninth said differently. With the tying run on base,
Gagne finally got his shit together and struck out Jason Bay to
end it. Meanwhile, David Ross struck out in his first two at-bats
(on 6 pitches), making it six strikeouts since the Lo Duca trade.
Ross finally made contact in his third at-bat, fouling one off,
and then actually got a base hit later in the game. (Lo Duca, of
course, went 3-for-3 for the Marlins, with two walks.) Ross had
company on Tuesday, as Milton Bradley struck out three times. After
his second strikeout, Bradley snapped the bat over his knee in disgust.
If he broke the bat after his second strikeout, what would he do
after the third? Would he hurl the bat into the stands? Would he
clock the home plate umpire over the head? Would he beat the ugliness
out of Craig Wilson? To the disappointment of all, however, Milton
quietly walked back to the dugout. Total letdown.
It's
not too often that a team strikes out 14 times and wins. Thanks
to Jayson Werth, the Dodgers struck out 14 times. Thanks to Robin
Ventura, the Dodgers won. Werth—whose career will quickly go
downhill now that the Dodgers didn't include him in a trade—went
down on strikes 4 times. Ventura, the calmest man in baseball, hit
a pinch-hit home run in the 12th inning, breaking the 1-1 tie that
had stood since the 6th inning. The real story on Sunday, however,
was the bullpen. Suddenly depleted and very ordinary, the pen actually
held the Padres scoreless for six innings. The fact that Eric Gagne
was left in the game to pitch three of those innings shows the amount
of confidence that Jim Tracy has in the rest of the guys in the
pen. Gagne rarely pitches two innings, let alone three. After Darren
Dreifort's shitty performance on Saturday night, however, there's
no way Tracy was going to pull Gagne until he had to. Frankly, there
was no reason to even turn to the pen so early on Sunday. Odalis
Perez had only made 72 pitches through 6 innings, and Tracy pinch-hits
for him with two outs and nobody on in the top of the 7th. If Tracy
is a little leary of his relievers (Gagne's 3-inning stint being
conclusive proof), why does he go to the pen unnecessarily in the
7th? Simple answer: the guy is a moron. If the Dodgers had put a
guy on base in the 7th, pinch-hitting for Perez would have made
sense. But two outs and nobody on? Lame move. Nonetheless, the Dodgers
began August on a good note. Which isn't to say the game began on
a good note. After Steve Finley doubled in the first and Milton
Bradely followed with a walk, Beltre hit a fly ball to center. Yet
both Finley and Bradley, who apparently watched Forrest Gump before
the game, just kept running. As the two Dodgers chatted near third
base, Finley was easily doubled up at second. A typical start to
a Dodger career. Almost as auspicious a beginning as Brent Mayne's
12th inning strikeout. But let's not dwell on the negative. Let's
dwell on Yhency.