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> DECEMBER 2007 December
26, 2007
Of course, it's also exciting that the Dodgers will have a float in this year's Rose Parade. This gives all of you an opportunity to celebrate 50 years of L.A. Dodger baseball by waving to Steve Garvey while you freeze your ass off on the side of Colorado Boulevard. If you're planning on going, I'd urge you to wear your DB t-shirt, lure Tommy Lasorda out of the parade with the smell of a meatball sub, and, of course, snap some close-ups of the Rose Queen if her top happens to fall off. See you in 2008... December
17, 2007
There's another new face, as well, as the Dodgers came to terms on a three-year contract with Japanese pitcher Hiroki Kuroda. Thirty-five million dollars for a guy whose fastball tops out in the low 90s and has a career record of 103-89—in Japan? Even Kuroda himself sees the insanity of it: "It is unbelievable. An unthinkable contract," he said. I guess Ned Colletti figured it was a bargain since the Dodgers' number five starter is making $47 million. December
13, 2007
First of all, I must say that I haven't read the report, and probably never will. It's more than 400 pages, which is more than I've read in the last five years—total. (And that includes porn.) I did, however, glance through it, and notice one thing in particular: it's double-spaced... and in 12-point type. What a pussy! Is Mitchell in high school? I'm on to him and his amateurish techniques to make it look like he's been doing more than just watching ballgames over the last twenty months. A real investigator would single-space... and not indent halfway across the page. Four-inch indents or not, though, there's definitely some fun stuff in there. While no current Dodgers were mentioned in the report (pretty much guaranteeing a third-place finish in 2008), sixteen former Dodgers were named. Among these names were some that could be expected and some that were pulled out of a cat's ass in Arcadia. Kevin Brown, Eric Gagne, Gary Sheffield—yeah, no shit. Todd Hundley, Paul Lo Duca, and Matt Herges—not necessarily surprising. But Chris Fuckin' Donnels? Imagine how much he would have sucked if he was clean! Ismael Valdes? You've got to wonder why he couldn't kick Eric Karros' ass in the clubhouse shower. Phil Hiatt? So sad to think that his thirteen career home runs aren't legitimate. And Ricky Stone? Who the fuck is that? The rest of the list reads like a who's who of random douchebags: Adam Riggs, Jeff Williams, Mike Judd, Ricky Bones, F.P. Santangelo, Larry Bigbie, and Darren Holmes. Olmedo Saenz was not mentioned, which means Mitchell doesn't consider a chili dog to be a drug. The scary thing is that the eighty-nine current and former players mentioned in the report probably only represent a portion of the drug-taking Major League population. The guys mentioned in the report are just the ones who didn't do a good enough job at covering their ass. You don't think some people were smart enough to have the shit sent to their great aunt's house in Delaware instead of 1000 Elysian Park Avenue? You think a guy like Brady Anderson (who wasn't in the report) went from hitting 16 home runs one year to 50 the next just by lifting weights? Unless players start talking, though, it's doubtful that names will ever again be exposed in mass like they were Thursday. While it's not exactly clear what happens next, the report has already accomplished part of its goal: waking baseball up. Speaking of waking up, I had to rub my eyes this morning to make sure I wasn't dreaming when I saw this in the paper: Mark Hendrickson is no longer a Dodger. The team declined to offer Hendrickson a contract, so the sasquatch becomes a free-agent. He was 4-8 with a 5.21 ERA last year, and has contributed practically nothing since Ned Colletti traded Dioner Navarro and Jae Seo for him in the middle of the 2006 season. On behalf of all Dodger fans, I think it's safe to say we'll miss Hendrickson like we'd miss a tapeworm in the testicle. December
5, 2007
And then, as I jokingly predicted three days ago, he spreads open his anus for Scott Boras. According to late reports on Wednesday night, the Dodgers have signed centerfielder Andruw Jones to a two-year deal worth $36 million. In itself, signing Andruw Jones to a two-year deal isn't a terrible thing. That is, it's not terrible if (1) you do it for $8 million a year and (2) you're short on outfielders. But they didn't do it for $8 million a year, and they're not short on outfielders. Worst is what this says about the Dodgers' long-term plan: they don't have one. For two years of Andruw Jones, the Dodgers are basically giving up what could be ten years of Matt Kemp. Jones will play center, Yawn Pierre will move to left (because no one in their right mind would take him off the Dodgers' hands), and Kemp will become expendable. They'll want to deal him for a pitcher, but the Orioles won't take Kemp straight up for Erik Bedard, so Ned will throw in Clayton Kershaw. And the snowball will continue, and once again the Dodger roster will be filled with a bunch of injury-prone former all-stars within a year. Why? Because Ned and Frank need the glamour and have to show everyone that they're spending money on big name players. Show, it's all show. It sure as hell isn't a desire to actually improve the team (even in the short term) as Jones' OBP last season was fucking horrendous—far worse than even Juan Pierre's. His power numbers dropped as well, down from 51 in 2005 and 41 in 2006 to just 26 last season. What does it say about the direction of Jones' career if Scott Boras is willing to go from demanding five years to settling for a two-year deal? (Actually, stupid question—Boras must be laughing himself silly after getting the Dodgers to dish out baseball's fifth highest annual salary to a guy who hit .222 last season.) Jones is a Gold Glove outfielder, of course, but all that does is make Pierre the worst left fielder in the league. Which brings up a point: Isn't this the right time for Colletti to apologize for the disaster called Juan Pierre? I mean, less than a year after giving this guy (basically Tom Goodwin without the zits) a huge 5-year deal, Ned signs a replacement. If that doesn't admit defeat, I don't know what does. Meanwhile, the Dodgers' highest profile free-agent signee is already on the disabled list. Joe Torre, manager extraordinaire, underwent knee replacement surgery this week in New York. Yes sir, it's all coming together for the Dodgers. December
2, 2007
The Dodgers go into the meetings with a hole at third base, a hole in the cleanup spot, a hole in the pen, and a hole in the outfield. These are all holes they could obviously fill through free agency and trades—or they could fill them with guys like Andy LaRoche, Matt Kemp, and Delwyn Young. At this point, it should be a no-brainer. Unless the Dodgers can find a way to get an impact player (Miguel Cabrera) without giving up the entire future in return (James Loney, Chad Billingsley, Matt Kemp, and Clayton Kershaw), they should be content leaving Nashville empty-handed. There's been a lot of talk about free-agent centerfielder Aaron Rowand, which seems absolutely ridiculous to me. The guy had a career year last season, but before that had never driven in more than 69 runs. Is there anyone who doesn't think Matt Kemp could do better than that if given the chance? Kemp may not be what Rowand is defensively, but his offensive potential is much greater—not to mention he won't cost $70 million over five years. There's also been talk, of course, of Johan Santana (who figures to end up on the East Coast) and Dan Haren (who could fetch a nice package for Billy Beane up in Oakland). If any deal means giving up James Loney or Chad Billingsley, it would be a mistake. The Dodgers need to fill holes, not open up new ones. If Colletti and company return to Los Angeles on Thursday with roughly the same roster they have today, it might be a good sign—maybe not a good sign for Dodger fans who have their hearts set on a championship in '08 (or for Jeff Kent fans), but a good sign for fans who are willing to wait a year or two for bigger and better things. We've waited 20 years, what's another? |
Wow,
you mutter to yourself, it's not even the New Year and he's already
down on 2008? First of all, stop muttering to yourself. Just say
it out loud like a man. Second, I'm not down on 2008—as a year, at least. Personally, it figures to be a great one,
and I wish you and your family a happy, healthy year. I'm only
down on 2008 as a baseball season—specifically, of
course, the Dodger season. Why? Well, considering that every season
seems more frustrating than the last, why should 2008 be any different?
They've spent $35 million on a number four starter with no Major
League experience, $18 million a year on an outfielder coming
off the worst season of his career, and $15 million on a manager.
They've raised ticket prices, decided to celebrate their last
season in Vero Beach by essentially giving the city the middle
finger, and forced out their VP of communications who did a relatively
good job keeping the McCourts out of trouble the last two years.
About the only thing positive I can say is that Mark Hendrickson
is gone.
Following
in the footsteps of such greats as Barry Lyons, Tom Prince, Brent
Mayne, Rick Wilkins, Paul Bako, Toby Hall, Chad Moeller, and most
recently Mike Lieberthal, backup catcher Gary Bennett has signed
with the Dodgers. Bennett's contract will pay him $825,000 for
2008 and another $50,000 for 2009 when the Dodgers buy out his
contract after he hits .168 with two doubles and nine RBIs. With
the Cardinals last year, he hit .252 with two home runs and seventeen
RBIs. Bennett does, however, have the good fortune of not having
to play under Grady Little, who used backup catchers as often
as he used his tongue on his wife. The big talk about Bennett,
of course, is that he was among those named last week in the Mitchell
Report. But whatever, that was so last week. If you're going to
be down on the Bennett signing, do so because he sucks, not because
he was in the Mitchell Report.
To
the thrill of baseball purists but to the dismay of eighty-nine
past and present ballplayers, the long-awaited Mitchell Report
was released on Thursday afternoon. As expected, the report named
names of those found to have purchased or taken a variety of performance-enhancing
drugs and provided a range of evidence supporting the claims.
Most baseball owners, executives, and coaches spoke Thursday of
their support for former senator George Mitchell's investigation,
which is interesting considering that many of these people are
the same ones who turned a blind eye to drug use for the last
ten or fifteen years.
Despite
my better judgement, I started to do something the last few days
that I really have no excuse for: I began to give Ned Colletti
a little credit. There he was in Nashville, and he wasn't going
to bite. He didn't bend over to get Miguel Cabrera, he hadn't
emptied the farm for Johan Santana, and he didn't empty McCourt's
pockets to pursue Torii Hunter—a good player now being paid
as if he were a Hall-of-Famer. Ned
finally understands the long-term value that the young guys could
bring, I began to think.
Since
it sounds like Ned Colletti and Kim Ng may have a lot of empty
time on their hands during the Winter Meetings in Nashville this
week, I thought I'd give them a few tourist tips. There's Fort
Nashbourough. There's the Tennessee State Capitol building. There's
the Grand Ole Opry. And there's the Country Music Hall of Fame.
Christ, they're going to be so bored that they might actually
sign Andruw Jones.