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FEBRUARY 2002
February
26 , 2002
LoDuca Given 3-Year Deal
Pretending
for a moment like they know something about baseball, the Dodgers
rewarded Paul Lo Duca for his breakout 2001 season by signing him
to a three-year, $7.25 million contract. LoDuca hit a team-high
.320, with 25 home runs and 90 RBIs. More important than his stats,
though, is the hustle this guy shows ALL the friggin' time. Not
only that, he's a stand-up guy. Before the first game back after
the 9/11 attacks, the Dodgers took the field to hold a giant flag
along with some L.A. cops, firefighters, and other EMS workers.
After the national anthem was through, and as his teammates headed
back to the dugout, LoDuca stayed out on the field to shake the
hand of every single one of those men and women. True, it's not
our place to say positive things about a Dodger, but you can't say
anything but positive things about LoDuca. Sure, when he
hit .205 this year, we'll get on his ass, but for now, he's quality.
February
24 , 2002
Bournigal Hired By Dodgers
Raphael
Bournigal, the whimpy Dodger infielder who once got duped by Matt
Williams into falling for the hidden ball trick, has been hired
by the Dodgers. However, the Dodgers have yet to determine his duties
(though we're guessing it has something to do with empyting the
trash in the locker room). Who the hell hires someone without determining
their job duties? Especially a useless rodant like Raphael Bournigal?
Was he so coveted that they couldn't afford to waste any time in
offering him a job? Doubtful considering that he served me fries
last week.
February
20 , 2002
Sheffield Wastes No Time in Being Himself
Within
hours of arriving at the Atlanta Braves spring training camp, Gary
Sheffield was blasting the Dodgers, saying that Jim Tracy hurt the
team by favoring Shawn Green. Talking about Tracy swapping his spot
in the lineup, Sheffield said, "It's all about how you approach
it and what your goals are as a team. I have no problem batting
wherever you want me to bat, but it has to be for the right reasons.
It has to be to make the team better; it's not about one guy's numbers.
Third or fourthit doesn't matter to me. It's all about the
team." Then, of course, Sheffield completely contradicted himself
by lauding Bobby Cox: "The first thing Bobby Cox said to me was,
'Where do you want to bat?' He showed me the respect... that's all
you want." Wait a second, I thought you wanted what was best
for the team? Did you forget saying that about 5 seconds earlier?
STUPID FUCK.
February
19, 2002
Goodwin
Knows He's a Piece of Crap
While
the rest of us have known this for some time, Tom Goodwin finally
publicly acknowledged that he's total crap. In reference to trade
rumors and his terrible 2001 season, The Los Angeles Times quotes
Goodwin as saying "You've got to have some worth first before someone
trades for you. We [Goodwin & Grissom] didn't have good years
in 2001, so why would some other team want us?" True, Tom, only
the Dodgers would want a piece of shit like you. Goodwin went on
to say that he's got to improve his bunting and on-base percentage
if he's going to stay with the team. Not true, Tom. As long as Dan
Evans is general manager, you're safe.
February
12 , 2002
Dodgers Pick Up Two Worthless Relievers
The
Dodgers today signed pitcher Tim Crabtree to a minor league contract
and invited him to spring training as a non-roster player, two days
after claiming right-handed pitcher Craig House off waivers from
the Mets. Crabtree, 32, is 21-22 with a 4.20 ERA in seven seasons.
Last season he was an impressive 0-5 with a 6.56 ERA in 21 games,
and missed half the year due to rotator cuff surgery. Can't let
let a guy like that slip by. House, 24, pitched the entire 2001
season for the Rockies' Triple-A team. Odds are he'll amount to
nothing, but props to Dan Evans for finally picking up someone under
the age of 30.
February
8, 2002
Kazu
in Blue, and Some English Too
Waiting
until the last minute, the Dodgers finally signed Kazuhisa Ishii
to a 4-year deal. The 28-year-old lefty was 12-6 with a 3.39 ERA
last season for the Yakult Swallows. He's been called the "Japanese
Chuck Finley," which, frankly, isn't too exciting. But the
thought of Omar Daal being knocked out of the rotation, however,
is VERY exciting. Ishii, who wants to be called Kazu (and is apparently
unaware of the stupid little music instrument with the same name),
will earn $12.6 million over the course of his contract, probably
a bargain if the guy can just break even. What's more, he actually
made an effort to speak a bit of English at the Dodgers press conference,
much more than can be said for that total bore of a human, Hideo
Nomo. Got to give him some credit for that. But as soon as he fucks
up on the field, he's on the Dodger Blues shit list.
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