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> MAY 2008 May 31, 2008 - Mets 3, Dodgers 2
David Wright led off the bottom of the eighth with a double, and Carlos Beltran followed with a 2-run homer to tie the game. Broxton then quickly got ahead of The Man Formerly Known as Carlos Delgado (batting .220) before throwing him an 0-2 pitch down the middle. (Note to Broxton: Just for the hell of it one time, maybe bounce an 0-2 pitch.) Delgado singled, and after a sac bunt and intentional walk, Broxton gave up an RBI single to Fernando Tatis. The Mets suddenly had the lead, the Dodgers were suddenly downcast, and Tim McCarver suddenly wanted to have sex with Tatis. Well, at least the Dodgers gave it their all in the top of the ninth. Oh, wait… no they didn’t. They bent over and let Billy Wagner tickle their sphincters with the rosin bag. Russell Martin struck out with a swing that wouldn’t even make the parents of a kid with Down Syndrome proud, Andre Ethier struck out by chasing one that bounced about three times before it got to the plate, and Blake Dewitt ended the night by striking out looking. Glad I wasted half my Saturday for that. May 29, 2008 - Mets 8, Dodgers 4
Penny went just four innings, giving up 8 hits (including two home runs to David Wright) and five earned runs. He walked three, struck out only two, and made an obscene number of pitches (91) for such a short outing. Joe Torre tried to put a good spin on it, pointing to the fact that Penny pitched well in the first inning. Thanks, Joe, but save the positivity for your church group. I don’t want to hear it. Penny is winless since May 2nd, and it’s not because he isn’t getting offensive support—it’s because he’s completely fallen apart. In his last five starts, he’s given up 29 earned runs. Just for comparison, Mark Hendrickson has given up 31—all season. I’d like to think there’s something physically wrong with Penny, but there doesn’t appear to be. If there was, you’d think Brad would be the first one to use it as an excuse (or at least an explanation). Having a couple poor starts in a row is one thing, but we’re now talking about an entire month—and it’s not as if it’s late in the season and he’s wearing down. We’re only two months into the friggin’ season. No pressure or anything on Clayton Kershaw, but it’s pretty much on this kid to become the new ace—in about a week. May 28, 2008 - Cubs 2, Dodgers 1
The Dodgers continue to blow scoring opportunities, stranding five guys in scoring position on Wednesday. They got just seven hits and managed their only run on a bases loaded walk. Adding insult to, well, mediocrity, a Dodger starter had another solid outing. Derek Lowe allowed four hits, struck out five, and didn't give up a run over seven innings. Jonathan Broxton struck out the side in the eighth inning, but Takashi Saito's shakiness in the ninth (two walks and a base hit) cost the Dodgers the win. Fun. Meanwhile, the Dodgers are a medical mess. Tony Abreu underwent hip surgery this week, Nomar Garciaparra was moved to the 60-day DL, Rafael Furcal's back isn't improving, Jeff Kent's back is acting up, Gary Bennett (remember him?) has something called plantar fasciitis in his left foot, and Andruw Jones is out until who knows when (and who cares when). And then, of course, there's Jason Schmidt who continues to make minor league starts even though I'm pretty sure no one in the organization actually has any confidence that he'll ever pitch again competitively at the Major League level. May 26, 2008 - Cubs 3, Dodgers 1
The Dodgers twice had the bases loaded in the late innings without scoring, and two baserunning blunders proved costly as well. Can we all agree that Chin-lung Hu is completely useless? Safe to say he can be added to my ever-growing list of guys I’d prefer never set foot on a baseball field unless they’re carrying a rake. Chad Billingsley deserved a better fate on Monday, going six innings and striking out seven. He surrendered a first inning home run to Derek Lee and not much after that. Unfortunately for him, the Dodgers have turned to guys like Hu, Luis Maza, Mark Sweeney, and Terry Tiffee to carry them through the summer… not that there’s anything wrong, of course, with a .110 hitter batting fifth. Every great team needs one of those. May 23, 2008 - Cardinals 2, Dodgers 1
The Dodgers had runners on base in almost every inning against Cardinals pitcher Adam Wainwright, but flopped once the opportunities presented themselves. Jeff Kent flied out three times with guys on base, and the only Dodger run came on a sacrifice fly from Mark Sweeney. The Dodgers were 0-for-9 with runners in scoring position. Meanwhile, in typical Dodger fashion, the pitching was out of sync with the offense. Derek Lowe finally decided to get his shit together, pitching seven innings and giving up just five hits. His only mistake was a hanger to Ryan Ludwick in the third inning. Ludwig, Drebin. (Sorry, Naked Gun reference.) The loss wasn’t the only bad news for the Dodgers, who learned that Rafael Furcal’s return would be pushed back even further. I also heard something about Esteban Loaiza’s rehab, but it went in one ear and out the other because, really, who gives a shit? The good news for the Dodgers (and Dodger fans) is that Clayton Kershaw appears to be on the verge of finally getting the call. Whether he goes on Sunday against the Cardinals or Tuesday against Chicago, Kershaw shouldn’t have any problem at all looking like he belongs in the rotation. If he can go four innings, he’s already a step above most of the guys on the Dodgers’ staff. May 20, 2008 - Dodgers 4, Reds 1
Billingsley went seven innings on Tuesday, allowing four hits and no runs. The Dodgers took advantage of shoddy Cincinnati defense in the second inning to score two runs (but probably should have scored five) and then added another pair in the eighth. Takashi Saito pitched a third of an inning to pick up his seventh save and the Dodgers moved to within four games of first-place Arizona. Sadly, the Dodgers had to place Gary Bennett on the disabled list Tuesday with something the Dodgers are calling “plantar fasciitis of the left foot.” (Sounds like vaginitis to me.) To replace Bennett (a tall order, of course), the Dodgers called up Danny Ardoin from Triple-A Las Vegas. If Bennett had been placed on the DL a day earlier, maybe the Dodgers could have replaced him with Mike Piazza, who announced his retirement on Tuesday after hearing that the Dodgers called up Ardoin. Ok, one thing had nothing to do with the other, but I’ve got to admit that I would have loved Piazza to retire a Dodger—even if he hit .206 the rest of the season. Maybe seeing Piazza in Dodger blue one more time would dull the pain that’s sure to be with me the rest of my life after he enters the Hall of Fame in a goddamn Mets uniform. May 19, 2008 - Dodgers 6, Reds 5
Let's not get too excited about Monday's victory, though, since it was only the Dodgers' fourth in their last eleven games. Brad Penny certainly hasn't helped matters of late, and Monday was no exception. Penny gave up four runs in the first three innings, and five over the six innings he pitched. He walked four, only striking out two. Matt Kemp and Chin-lung Hu saved his ass with good defensive plays, and a two-out Dodger rally in the fifth spared him a sure loss. Penny has now allowed twenty earned runs in his last sixteen innings. Must be having a contest with Derek Lowe. May 15, 2008 - Dodgers 7, Brewers 2
Bennett’s home run wasn’t the only one for the Dodgers in the seventh inning Thursday. Andruw “Burritos Are Better with Pizza Inside” Jones led off the inning with his second of the year (on a pitch out of the strike zone, of course), and Jeff Kent followed two batters later with his fourth. If you had told me before the game that Jones and Bennett would homer in the same inning, I’d say there was a better chance of Saturn crashing into Jupiter (which, coincidentally, has less gravitational pull than Jones). Sadly, Andruw’s home run probably bought him another month in the starting lineup. Thursday’s game was scoreless for the first six innings, with Chad Billingsley and Ben Sheets dominant. Billingsley ended up going seven, giving up just an earned run while striking out five. Jonathan Broxton pitched the eighth (his trouble continuing), and Cory Wade pitched a scoreless ninth. On the heels of their ninth-inning comeback win against Guillermo Mota on Wednesday (which I guess is some sort of payback for Eric Gagne’s save a day earlier), Thursday’s victory moves the Dodgers two games above the .500 mark—again. Can’t wait for them to win another four in a row… only to lose another twelve. What a joy rooting for a team of such consistency. May 15, 2008 - Brewers 5, Dodgers 3
Gagne certainly wasn’t sharp, but does it really matter? It’s not like it’s any less painful just because he didn’t strike out the side. The fact remains that this heavily bearded beast of a French Canadian—a guy who saved 162 games for the Dodgers but had a 6.62 ERA this season—just said to Los Angeles, “I’m friggin’ terrible, but I’m still better than you.” The Dodgers, clearly, are falling apart. Brad Penny looks nothing like an ace, Jeff Kent looks nothing like a cleanup hitter, and Chin-lung Hu looks less like Rafael Furcal than the grape-sized booger I just picked from my nose. Takashi Saito has the flu (as if it mattered), Nomar Garciaparra suffered a setback in his rehab (go figure), and the highest paid player in the history of the Dodgers is sitting on the bench (where he belongs). Tuesday’s loss moved the Dodgers to the zenith of mediocrity: the .500 mark. Thanks for making Dodger fans proud, you bastards. May 11, 2008 - Astros 8, Dodgers 5
Torre: Happy Mother’s Day, Hiroki. Kuroda: I’m not a mother. Torre: Well, you're pitching like a woman. Kuroda: Excuse me, Mr. Torre, but have you even been watching the game? I’ve only given up one hit. Torre: Yes, but you’ve made 97 pitches. Kuroda: I used to make 200 when I was in Japan. Torre: Well, this is America and we’re all a bunch of pussies. Kuroda: If you bring in that Scott Proctor guy, I’ll fucking quit. Torre: How about Joe Beimel? Kuroda: The drunk who thinks he’s a rock star? Better than proctor, I suppose. Torre: I’m wearing Yankees underpants. So out came Kuroda, in came Beimel, and then the fun began. Beimel immediately walked two, including issuing a bases-loaded walk to give the Astros their first run of the day. A few minutes later, Jonathan Broxton opened the floodgates—wait, sorry, those were his giant legs—and the Astros had scored six more. In a matter of an inning, a 2-0 lead turned into a 7-3 deficit. Fans who thought they were being treated to a Mother’s Day no-hitter instead found themselves expressing the day’s sentiment with phrases no mom would be proud of: Mother of God!, Motherfucker!, and I hope Broxton’s mom gets a goddamn yeast infection! It was not a good loss for the Dodgers, who have now slipped into a 4-game losing streak and just a game above the .500 mark. Even worse, they blew a huge opportunity to gain ground on the Diamondbacks, who were swept in Chicago. I guess you have to give credit to the Astros starting pitching this weekend: Brian Moehler, John Sampson, and Shawn Chacon. Actually, no you don’t. Those guys suck and the Dodgers should have destroyed them. They should have ripped their limbs off and fed them to people in the right field pavilion. They should have beaten them to a pulp and dropped that pulp in Rick Monday’s orange juice. They should have—okay, you get the point. Sadly, it only gets worse for the Dodgers. This week in Milwaukee, they face superstars Carlos Villanueva (1-4, 6.46 ERA), Manny Parra (1-2, 5.79 ERA), and Undecided (probably not Nolan Ryan). May 9, 2008 - Astros 7, Dodgers 1
Derek Lowe had another rough outing, the latest in a string of lousy performances by Dodger starters. Lowe went 5-1/3 innings, yielding eight hits, two walks, and six runs. He’s now 2-3 with a 4.43 ERA. Glad to see he’s really stepping it up in a contract year. I guess he’s not worried after seeing what his agent (Scott Boras, of course) got for Andruw Jones after a .222 season. Hell, a 5.20 ERA might be worth a 3-year, $39 million deal to Ned Colletti (or a douchebag of similar intelligence). Lowe, of course, wasn’t the only problem on Friday night. With Rafael Furcal still out of the lineup, the Dodgers mounted a meager offensive attack—actually, more like an offensive tap on the shoulder. That tap came in the form of a 9th inning double from Andruw Jones—after the Dodgers were down 7-0. Thanks, Andruw, big help. Thankfully fans in attendance on Friday night got free beanies that they could use to shield their eyes from the ugliness on the field. On a bright note, Yhency Brazoban made his return on Friday, giving up a hit and two walks in the eighth inning. Ridden with elbow and shoulder problems, that was just the tenth Major League game Brazoban has pitched in since 2005. I figure he’ll run that number up to at least sixteen or seventeen before going down with a torn spinal cord. May 6, 2008 - Dodgers 5, Mets 4
You know who’s also pretty good? Andre Ethier. Someone might want to tell Joe Torre, though, since Ethier sat on the bench for the fourth time in five days on Tuesday. Yeah, gotta get Andruw Jones in the lineup so he can strike out looking to end the 8th inning with an insurance run standing on third base. And gotta get Juan Pierre in the game so he can steal his 400th career base and then wander off second and get tagged out. The game didn’t start out so great for the Dodgers with Hiroki Kuroda giving up eight hits and three walks in just over three innings. Kuroda made 80 pitches, which is a bit of a coincidence since he looks like he’s 80 years old. Torre pulled Kuroda in the 4th and brought in Hong-Chih Kuo, who did a serious job on the Mets. Kuo struck out the first two batters he faced on six pitches, and then struck out another six Mets (without allowing a hit) before Torre turned to Jonathan Broxton to start the eighth. Big Boy gave up a two-out double to Ryan Church but got David Wright looking on three straight pitches to end the inning. Big Boy like steak. Takashi Saito picked up the save, but can you really call it a save when other guys are saving him? James Loney made a great play for the second out of the inning, robbing Carlos Delgado of a double down the line. Saito then gave up two base hits before striking out Luis Castillo to end it. Shades of Todd Worrell and Jeff Shaw. May 4, 2008 - Rockies 7, Dodgers 2
Anything can certainly happen in Colorado, but you got the feeling the Dodgers didn’t have it in them to make up the three run deficit—which soon became five and then six. Lowe left after the fifth, having walked four and given up five runs, and Chan Ho Park and Cory Wade took it the rest of the way. After generously producing runs during their 8-game winning streak, the Dodgers have apparently hit empty, getting just two runs against Aaron Cook. Rafael Furcal and Russell Martin each went 0-for-4, and Chin-lung Hu went hitless in place of Jeff Kent, who apparently isn’t capable of playing more than two consecutive games anymore. Matt Kemp filled in for Andruw Jones in center, and filled in for him at the plate as well, going 1-for-4 and striking out twice. Kemp may have even had some snacks before the game with Jones, because the normally agile kid couldn’t avoid running into a James Loney grounder with nobody out in the 7th inning, putting the breaks to a potential rally. On a brighter note, Mark Sweeney boosted his average to .136 with a pinch hit in the 8th inning. If things keep going this well for Mark, maybe hair will suddenly appear on his head. May 3, 2008 - Dodgers 12, Rockies 7
After going 1-for-5 on Saturday, Jones is batting .163 with a whopping four RBIs. Pierre isn’t exactly tearing it up, but his .313 average sure makes his $9 million salary seem like a friggin’ bargain when you consider that Jones is making twice that… and has the belly to prove it (whatever that means). Jones landed hard on that belly in the 9th inning Saturday, trying in vain to make a diving catch in right-center. From the look of pain on his face, a cheeseburger must have become dislodged. As for Pierre, I guess you’ve got to give him a little credit. He sulked for a couple weeks earlier in the season, but now appears eager to prove that he’s still capable of playing good fundamental baseball. That’s pretty much all he has going for him—playing the fundamentals (unless, of course, you include throwing the ball as one of the fundamentals). He’s seven for his last twelve, he’s getting bunts down, and he’s running. And on Saturday, he may have saved Takashi Saito’s aging ass with a great catch in the 9th inning to rob Todd “I Stole My Goatee From Ken Caminiti’s Corpse” Helton of a 3-run homer. Garrett Atkins followed Helton’s homer bid with a drive to right that Matt Kemp tracked down at the wall. Saito got Brad Hawpe to ground out to end the game, but there’s no getting around the fact that Saito looks like shit this year. Don’t get me wrong, he’s no Scott Proctor, but he’s also not the same guy who saved 63 games for the Dodgers the last two years. Hopefully he’s just still catching up from an abbreviated spring training, but if not, fans are in for some frightening ninth innings. Meanwhile, what the hell is Andre Ethier doing on the bench two games in a row? (Glad to see that Gary Bennett is getting playing time, though.) If Torre is so intent on giving Pierre regular starts, do it at the expense of Jones, not Ethier. How much longer can you give Jones to straighten things out? He needs to sit for a week (and by sit, I don’t mean sit and eat chocolate) and work with Mike Easler to figure out a solution. Right now Jones is a goddamn liability in the lineup, and ultimately it's going to cost the Dodgers a game or nine. Also a liability is Esteban Loaiza, who clearly spends more time grooming his facial hair than he spends studying opposing batters. Look, just because a starter is the fifth in the rotation doesn’t mean he has to suck. It’s time to give Chan Ho Park or Hong-Chih Kuo another chance or two, and when they blow chunks, it’s Clayton Kershaw time. Oh, by the way, the Dodgers scored in double-figures Saturday for the third time in the last four games (thanks in part to James Loney's 6 RBIs), and have suddenly won eight in a row. Thought I'd mention that. May 2, 2008 - Dodgers 11, Rockies 6
While Friday's game wasn't the smoothest for Dodger pitching (five walks, one strikeout), the team continued to produce at the plate. Granted it's Denver, but the Dodgers scored eleven runs on thirteen hits. Matt Kemp and Rafael Furcal each knocked in four runs, and Juan Pierre and Blake DeWitt each scored two runs. (DeWitt immediately gave back the two runs, however, committing errors on back-to-back plays... for once looking a little more like a guy fresh from double-A.) Speaking of doubles (kind of), Andruw Jones actually had one. He went hitless in his other four at-bats, striking out three times... and raising his average. Note to Ned Colletti: The next time a guy hits .220 over the course of an entire season, take a hint. It may not be a fluke.
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On Friday night, Chan Ho Park saved Clayton Kershaw’s ass, pitching 3-1/3 strong innings of relief to help the Dodgers beat New York, 9-5. Chad Billingsley wasn’t so lucky on Saturday. Billingsley pitched seven shutout innings, working hard to escape a jam in the seventh, and left with a 2-0 lead. Enter Jonathan Broxton, whose 400-pound frame clearly didn’t intimidate the Mets. 
The Lakers are headed to the NBA finals, and that’s bad news for Dodger fans. It means that very, very soon you’ll have no choice but to turn to the Dodgers to quench your sports appetite… and unfortunately they’re not quenching shit right now. Behind another pathetic effort from Brad Penny, the Dodgers dropped their fourth in a row on Thursday, losing 8-4 to the Mets.
Not since April 2004 has a visiting team played a three game series at Wrigley Field and scored fewer runs than the Dodgers did this week—a whopping three to be exact. They scored one run on Monday, one run on Tuesday, and neatly wrapped up the series with one run on Wednesday. Hmmm, you'd really expect more from Chin-lung Hu and Luis Maza. 
Memorial Day, of course, commemorates those who lost their lives while serving in the United States military. Maybe it should also honor those who’ve died from self-inflicted stab wounds while watching Dodger games. There’s no telling how many Dodger fans perished on Monday as the team went 2-for-17 with runners in scoring position and stranded twelve in a 3-1 loss to the Chicago Cubs.
The Dodgers had an hour and five minutes late Friday night to sit in the clubhouse and think about the previous eight innings of wastefulness. The introspectiveness did them no good, however, as they went right back on the field for the final two outs of the bottom of the ninth and left the tying and winning run on base. Pinch-hitter Andruw Jones struck out to end the game. (I know, hard to believe.)
If it weren’t for Chad Billingsley, I'm pretty sure Dodger fans would have forgotten by now what a quality start looks like. Over the last seventeen games, Dodger starters have won only three—all by Billingsley. Brad Penny hasn’t won a game since May 2nd, Derek Lowe since April 23rd, and Hiroki Kuroda since April 4th. That’s pretty goddamn terrible. Meanwhile, Billingsley has won four of his last five starts and leads Dodger starters in strikeouts, fewest home runs allowed, and fewest hits allowed. He’s also making about $5 million less than Dodgers’ next lowest paid starter.
Earlier this season, Andy LaRoche was happy for the success Blake DeWitt was having. After all, it couldn't last. Or could it? Two months into his major league career, Blake DeWitt looks like... well, a major leaguer. That's more than can be said for most of his teammates. DeWitt continued to impress on Monday night, lifting the Dodgers to a 6-5 come-from-behind victory over Cincinnati (which you'd think would have two t's, but it doesn't). With the bases loaded and one out in the bottom of the ninth, DeWitt drove in the winning run with a walk-off base to left. It was DeWitt's sixth hit this season with the bases loaded. Not bad... especially when you consider he's only had six at-bats with the bases loaded. That's right, the dude from Double-A is 6-for-6 with 12 RBIs with the bases loaded. Maybe when Nomar Garciaparra comes back from the disabled list, he can do so as a member of the grounds crew. 
He may throw the ball back to the mound like a little girl in a sun dress, but Gary Bennett definitely came through with the bat for the Dodgers on Thursday. Giving Russell Martin a day off behind the plate (well, out of necessity, since Blake DeWitt’s back was hurting), Bennett went two for four including a seventh-inning three-run homer. His four RBIs quadruples the total that last year’s backup, Mike Lieberthal, had all season. It also equals the number that Paul Bako had in his illustrious Dodger career.
Would you expect it to unfold any other way? Making his first appearance against his former team—and his first in a save situation since being relieved of duty by Brewers’ manager Ned Yost last weekend—Eric Gagne sent the Dodgers to their fifth straight loss on Tuesday night in Milwaukee. Nice. Gagne sucks balls all year, but decides to pull it together against the Dodgers. He got some help, of course, from Juan Pierre—the cure to blownsaveitis. With two outs and the tying runs on base, Pierre popped up on the first pitch to end it. 
When Joe Torre went to the mound with two outs in the seventh inning on Sunday to pull Hiroki Kuroda, I imagine the conversation went something like this:
Well, that didn’t take too long. After winning ten of eleven and looking like they were ready to make a move on the Diamondbacks, the Dodgers have now lost two in a row, getting outscored 19-2.
Prior to Tuesday night, the last Dodger to hit an inside-the-park home run was Dave Roberts, who can run like the wind. On Tuesday, it was Blake DeWitt’s turn, and he can run like, well, something slower than the wind. DeWitt’s home run (courtesy of Ryan Church, who either thought the ball was gone or forgot where he was for a second) was his second in two days, his third hit of the night, and gave the Dodgers a 5-4 lead over the Mets—and ultimately the win. Gotta love it that with all the talk about Dodger prospects, DeWitt came out of nowhere to prove not only that he’s capable of filling in at third base, but that he’s actually good. At least for now. 
Sunday’s box score may say that Derek Lowe pitched five innings, but he actually pitched nine: five in the first inning and four after that. Making as many pitches (51) as a guy like Greg Maddux makes in about a month, Lowe took about a half hour to get through the first inning. The Rockies didn’t make an out until the seventh batter of the inning, and by then they had scored twice. A sac fly added a third run, but Lowe—looking like he had just run a marathon in Death Valley—finally retired Jon Herrera to end the inning. 
When the Dodgers signed Andruw Jones, things looked pretty bleak for Juan Pierre. Fans had already turned on him, and now management was turning on him as well. Little did Pierre know, however, that the signing of Jones would actually end up helping his cause. 
On Thursday, Joe Torre had Mark Sweeney batting cleanup. On Friday, Russell Martin started at third base. On Saturday—what, put Jeff Kent in centerfield and bat him leadoff? I've got to say, Joe Torre isn't exactly impressing me with his ability to fill out a lineup card. That said, the Dodgers just won their seventh in a row on Friday night, so who am I to argue success?