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> MAY 2009 May 30, 2009 - Cubs 7, Dodgers 0
On Saturday, the Dodgers’ offensive futility was matched by an equal amount of failure on the mound. Eric Stults spent three innings getting behind just about everyone, and the Cubs touched him for runs in the second, third, and finally in the fourth before he was pulled. Jeff Weaver was even worse, walking five and giving up three runs over 2+ innings. According to various sources, Weaver’s ERA is only at 4.38… however I’m pretty sure the entire internet is wrong. Meanwhile, Milton Bradley had three hits, adding about twenty points to his .204 average. He also patted second base umpire Mark Wegner on the ass after being thrown out trying to advance on a wild pitch in the third inning. I guess it was his subtle way of saying, "Hey Mark, I’m really a good guy, so please don’t pay any attention next week when I cleat the opposing second baseman in the face and then have anal with his wife." May 27, 2009 - Dodgers 8, Rockies 5
The Dodgers entered the ninth with a comfortable 8-3 lead, thanks in large part to a five-run seventh. Juan Pierre, Mark Loretta, and James Loney had the big hits (Pierre could hit .800 for all I care, I'm still not going to forget about his arm), and the Dodgers turned a one run defecit into a four run lead. After adding another run in the top of the eighth, Ronald Belisario started the ninth by giving up a single. Will Ohman then gave up a triple, and Joe Torre turned to Broxton. Strikeout. Double. Walk. Walk. Strikeout. Walk. For those counting at home, that's bases loaded, two out, three runs in, and a pitcher who's getting very, veryhungry from standing on the mound for a half hour. Thankfully, Brad Hawpe grounded out to end it, and Broxton go eat. May 25, 2009 - Dodgers 16, Rockies 6
After Casey Blake grounded out to start the seventh, Matt Kemp and James Loney walked. Jamie Hoffman doubled in Kemp, Juan Castro singled in Loney and Hoffman, Juan Pierre reached on an infield single, Russell Martin singled in Castro, Orlando Hudson singled in Pierre and Martin, Blake doubled in Hudson, and Kemp singled in Blake. Eight runs came across, and the Dodgers added another in the ninth just for fun. Four Dodgers finished the game with three hits—among them, Juan Castro. Including Monday’s game, Castro is now hitting .387. Sure, we’re only talking about 31 at-bats, but let’s be honest: a shortage of at-bats has never stopped Castro from hitting .204. Could it be that he’s just a late bloomer? Could it be that it’s just taken him fourteen years to learn how to hit? Could it be that Don Mattingly’s greatest triumph might end up being the re-birth of Juan Castro? Could it be that I had one too many enchiladas tonight? (Seriously, I did have enchiladas, and I’m pretty sure I had one too many.) May 24, 2009 - Angels 10, Dodgers 7
As bad as Dodger pitching was on Sunday, no Dodger defeat is complete without some blown opportunities at the plate. Down 7-4 in the bottom of the eighth, the Dodgers rallied to score two and loaded the bases with one out. Torre then turned to Rafael Furcal to pinch hit, which is like turning to a rabbi to perform a baptism. Furcal was hitting .224 in his career as a pinch hitter and entered the game hitting .240 for the season. Good choice, Joe. After Furcal surprised no one by grounding into a force play, Juan Pierre lined out, and the Dodgers were done. Well, they were done until the bottom of the ninth, when they pushed across a run on two doubles. By then, though, the run meant nothing, as Brent Leach and Ramon Troncoso had combined to give the Angels three insurance runs. Lost in the defeat was the performance of Jamie Hoffmann. Making his first major league start, the rookie outfielder who mildly resembles Brett Tomko hit a three run homer in the second inning and doubled in a run in the eighth. In between, he tried to decapitate Orlando Hudson with his elbow but was shocked to discover that the heads of major leaguers don’t explode like those of minor leaguers. May 20, 2009 - Dodgers 2, Mets 1
So, despite guys like Rafael Furcal and Andre Ethier hitting like, well, Casey Blake, the Dodgers have extended their lead in the West to 8-1/2 games, and their home record to 17-3. It’s pretty much all a fluke, but go ahead, have your fun. May 18, 2009 - Dodgers 3, Mets 2
If I were a Mets fan right about now, well, thankfully I’d be asleep. It would be about 2:15 in the morning in New York, with most Mets fans probably not finding out about their team’s complete meltdown until they pick up the morning paper or wake up to the smell of Citi Field burning. The time difference, I would imagine, probably saved hundreds of thousands of Mets fans from violent acts of suicide… though it won’t have any bearing on whether former Dodger Ramon Martinez decides to prolong his life after going 0-for-5 with two errors. For a few innings, of course, there was pain for Dodger fans as well. Randy Wolf’s great start was ruined by a game-tying squibber in the top of the eighth (off the bat of Gary Sheffield, no less), and the Dodgers blew 1st and 3rd situations in the bottom of both the eighth and ninth… not to mention Juan Castro’s average dropped to .409. May 14, 2009 - Dodgers 5, Phillies 3
Broxton’s evil plan worked perfectly, as the Dodgers scored two in the top of the 10th, eventually beating the Phillies, 5-3. Chad Billingsley: no decision. Jonathan Broxton: win. While the Dodgers leave Philadelphia content having taken two of three from the World Champion Phillies, there’s one Dodger who’s not going to enjoy the flight to Florida. Jeff Weaver, who made two starts in place of James McDonald, has been sent back to the bullpen. In his place Saturday will be Eric Milton, just recalled from Triple-A. (It’s always funny to talk about a 55-year-old being recalled from the minors.) Milton will become the eighth Dodger to start a game this season, and we’re only halfway through May. That puts the Dodgers on pace to have about 36 different starters this year, which is good news for Juan Pierre, who might actually have a job when Manny returns. May 12, 2009 - Phillies 5, Dodgers 3
Chan Ho Park, who the Dodgers declined to re-sign this winter (and with sure-bets like Shawn Estes and Eric Milton waiting in the wings, who could blame them), threw six innings, giving up just two hits and walking none. Jayson Werth, meanwhile, took matters into his own hands, er, legs. Werth singled with one out in the seventh inning, and then gave his former organization the ultimate F.U. by stealing second, third, and home. He also stole a base earlier in the game, giving him four on the day. That adds to Werth’s hefty season total of… three. While we’re on the topic of guys padding their numbers against the Dodgers, how about Pedro Feliz? Here’s a guy who had walked nine times all season and will generally swing at a ball if it’s, oh, in the air. So what did Dodger pitchers do on Tuesday? They walked him four times. Four times? In his entire eight-year career, Feliz has walked multiple times in a game only fifteen times. And the Dodgers walk him four times in a game? Congratulations to Dodger pitching—that’s not an easy feat. The game also served as a lesson to Dodger fans: You start talking about Juan Pierre like he’s some kind of savior… and he’ll go Juan-for-Five and make the last out of the game as the potential tying run. Shame on you. May 9, 2009 - Dodgers 8, Giants 0
The win comes two days late, but it’s obviously big for the Dodgers, who had to prove to themselves (even more than to fans or the rest of the league) that they’re still capable of playing baseball. Probably a good idea to get the win out of the way Saturday, because they face Tim Lincecum on Sunday. More important than who they face the next few weeks, though, is who decides to step up and fill the Man gap. While the pressure is clearly on Andre Ethier, it’s clearly time for Casey Blake and James Loney to start hitting. Loney, at least, is capable. Blake… not so sure. After going hitless on Saturday, he’s batting .238. For $6 million a year you’d like to expect more, but when you consider his .264 career average, higher expectations should only lead to disappointment. Speaking of disappointment, the Dodgers seem to be eagerly awaiting the return of Manny—to the clubhouse, that is. "I think it's important that players get a chance to see him," Torre said. "I don't think we need anything formal. I think they just need to physically see him." Yeah, um, I wouldn’t hold your breath, Joe. If Manny truly gave two shits about anything, do you think he would have taken the vaginal drugs in the first place? You think he would have held out for four months for a new contract? You think he’d be talking about returning to Cleveland after the season while the Dodgers were busy renaming a section of the stands for him? You can expect him to play well when he returns on July 3rd, but if you’re expecting to seem him before then, you’d better head to Miami and start walking the beaches. May 7, 2009 - Nationals 11, Dodgers 9
How in fuck’s name do you lead the Washington Nationals 6-0 in the 6th inning, and end up losing, 11-9? I’ll tell you how: You score six runs in the first inning and then tuck your nuts into your abdomen for the next seven innings. Meanwhile, you stick with Cory Wade way too long, and then bring in a kid from Double-A who has no business inheriting a second and third, one out situation with the game tied. Then you bring in Guillermo Mota, who’s old, getting fat, and should never have been signed in the first place. Then you score a run off Joe Beimel in the bottom of the eighth and load the bases to put the go-ahead run at the plate—in Juan Pierre. Would it happen any other way? Juan Pierre, in the lineup for Manny Ramirez, stands at the plate with a chance to be a hero. And he grounds to first. And then, for a final kick in the nuts, the Dodgers score two in the ninth and leave the tying runs on base. Any chance we can just rewind to about 10 pm Wednesday night—and then freeze time for the rest of our goddamn lives? May 7, 2009
Thursday morning, Dodger fans got the answer. Manny Ramirez, the $25 million man who brought the fun back to Dodger Stadium, had been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a banned substance. Immediately, shock. Then, the flurry of information flooded in: The substance wasn't a steroid. It was given to him by a doctor. He wouldn't protest the suspension. He was sorry. Then the news got weird: The substance was a performance enhancer—of the sexual type. No, wait, it was a women's fertility drug—sometimes taken by steroid users to get their bodies to produce testosterone naturally again. Whatever the drug, wherever he got it, however long he's been taking it—it's all pretty irrelevant right now. The damage is done, and here's what we’re facing:
Oh well, let's look at the bright side: I don't think he'll be opting out of his contract in October. May 6, 2009 - Dodgers 10, Nationals 3
For a few innings, though, things didn’t look so good for Dodger fans (who are now completely spoiled). The Dodgers loaded the bases in the first inning, only to have Andre Ethier hit into one of his Shawn Green-like double plays. The Dodgers left runners at second and third in the second inning, and then managed to squeeze only a run out of a bases loaded, one out situation in the fifth. By the sixth inning, the Dodgers had left thirty-seven guys on base and owned a precarious 2-1 lead. Then the bottom of the sixth came. Single, walk, walk, single, walk, double, walk, single… and when it was said and done, the Dodgers were crushing the poor Nationals, 9-1. Guillermo Mota felt so bad that he immediately gave two runs back to Washington, but the Dodgers hung on to win, 10-3, with rookie Brent Leach (the Dodgers’ bizarro Joe Beimel) getting the final three outs. May 5, 2009 - Dodgers 3, Diamondbacks 1
Despite the error and only five hits as a team, however, the Dodgers continued their magic, topping Arizona for their 12th straight victory at home this season. That sets the National League record for best start at home and ties the Major League record set ninety-eight years ago by the Detroit Tigers. The win goes to Jeff Weaver, who was running on fumes by the time he made it through the fifth inning. It’s Weaver’s first win since September 2007, and the first win in Dodgers’ history going to a guy with legs skinnier than a Dodger Dog. Joe Torre tempted fate by using four relievers, but the Dodgers can’t seem to do wrong these days, so the pen pitched four scoreless innings—which included Jonathan Broxton's eighth save. Also on Tuesday, the toilets throughout the stadium cleaned themselves, Cory Wade saved a kitty from a tree, and all of the traffic lights in the city were synchronized to get Dodger fans home in six minutes. May 3, 2009 - Dodgers 7, Padres 3
The Dodgers got on the board early, scoring three runs before the Padres recorded an out. Chad Billingsley kept the Padres quiet, working out of a jam in the sixth inning, and ended the day with eight strikeouts and four walks over seven innings. The Dodgers erupted for four more runs in the sixth inning, although Will Ohman immediately tried to give them back. After giving up a home run and sharp single, Ohman was pulled, and Ramon Troncoso got the final six outs. Before you wet your panties with excitement over the Dodgers’ streak, though, consider for a minute who they’ve been playing at home: the Giants (12-11), Rockies (9-14), and Padres (11-14). That’s not exactly the cream of the crop. Orlando Hudson understands the streak: "It couldn't have happened to me in Toronto because we had to face Boston and New York so much, and I don't think we did it in Arizona because we had to face the Dodgers a lot." In other words, the Dodgers’ competition sucks right now, and they’re doing what a good team is supposed to do: beat bad teams. Sure, it’s fun, but don’t go buying your $175 Mark Loretta jersey quite yet. May 1, 2009 - Dodgers 1, Padres 0
Rafael Furcal led off with a base hit and was immediately erased at second on a lousy bunt by Orlando Hudson. Hudson ended up at second on a wild pitch, and Sanchez intentionally walked Manny. After James Loney struck out, Matt Kemp walked to load the bases. That brought up Russell Martin, rapidly becoming a has-been. Martin worked the count 2-2, then hit a little bouncer up the third base line that looked like it would stay fair for a game-winning nubber, but veered foul a couple inches shy of the bag. Larry Bowa kicked the ball off the field in disgust, and .198 Russell Martin returned to the batter’s box probably thinking that his only shot as heroism had gone astray. Lucky for him, though, Duaner Sanchez was still on the mound, and Duaner Sanchez couldn’t exactly find the plate. The count went full, and with 47,000 fans on their feet, Martin checked his swing on a pitch high and outside—or did he? Did they win, or didn’t they? Nothing more dramatic than having to look over to the first base umpire for a decision on Henry Blanco’s appeal. No swing, motioned first base umpire Tim Timmons, and just like that, the Dodgers had won. Nobody seemed exactly sure how much to celebrate a walk-off appeal to first, but the Dodgers half-heartedly piled on Martin and fans sang along with Randy Newman. As the mini-celebration died down, I was amazed to see that almost all of the crowd had stayed until the final play. Cool, I thought, Dodger fans actually appreciate a good pitchers’ duel. Then I realized: it was Fireworks Night. |
See what happens when you start talking about Manny Ramirez not being missed? On a roll for the fist couple weeks of Manny’s absence, the Dodgers’ offense has suddenly hit the wall. In three games against the Cubs, the Dodgers have scored a total of three runs. Andre Ethier has no RBIs in his last eight games. Rafael Furcal looks like Rafael Landestoy. James Loney is batting cleanup but hasn’t hit a home run in more than two weeks. Even Juan Pierre has hit the skids, going hitless in two straight games.
There was good news and bad news for the Dodgers in Colorado on Wednesday. The good news was that they swept the Rockies, moving their major league leading record to 33-15. The bad news was that Jonathan Broxton made about a hundred and ten pitches in the ninth inning and is probably out of commission for the entire Chicago series this weekend. Ok, fine, so he only made 38 pitches, and he'll probably just have to rest on Thursday, but seriously, 38 pitches?
Only in Colorado can your pitching staff walk eleven guys—and you still win by ten runs. It was a tidy 0-0 game until the fourth inning when the Dodgers seemingly broke it open by scoring seven runs. The Rockies came back with a harmless run in the bottom of the fourth, but then took advantage of Eric Stults’s inability to find the plate and Jeff Weaver’s inability to throw good pitches to score four in the fifth. Weaver yielded another run in the sixth, and it looked like the Dodgers were up shit’s creek (which, coincidentally, is a beautiful little stream just north of Denver). Will Ohman escaped Weaver’s jam, though, and then the Dodgers exploded.
There’s nothing a manager loves to do more than use six pitchers the day before his team travels to Colorado. It’s tough to avoid it, though, when all your pitchers suck. The Dodgers led the Angels 4-0 after the second inning, but it was pretty much downhill from there. Chad Billingsley gave up two runs in the third inning and three more in the sixth, and then a quality quintet of Dodger relievers yielded another five runs before it was all said and done. Four hours worth of baseball, and the Angels ended up with ten runs on sixteen hits—nine of the hits off of Billingsley.
The Dodgers weren’t particularly productive with guys on base Wednesday, but there’s good news: the Mets were worse. With a run in the first inning and another in the eighth, the Dodgers came away with a 2-1 victory and a sweep of the Mets, their first in two years. You can give credit to Jeff Weaver (who pitched five innings of one-run ball) you can give credit to Orlando Hudson (who made a great play in the hole to trim the front-end of a Mets rally), or you can give credit to Brent Leach (who escaped a one-out, second and third jam that he inherited from Ronald Belisario in the eighth)… but if you give credit to any of those guys, you’re forgetting one thing: the Power of the Beard. It was Casey Blake Bobblehead Night at the stadium, and 50,000 of them were happily received by fans in attendance. (Ok, fine, most of the bobbleheads probably had Coke and shit spilled on them by the third inning, but that just gives them character—as well as a scent that ants will love when you proudly display your bobblehead on top of the toilet.)
All baseball players should be so lucky as to have teammates like Angel Pagan, Carlos Beltran, and Jeremy Reed. What great guys. Minutes after Mets outfielder Ryan Church experienced the high of scoring the go-ahead run—and then immediately experienced the low of having the run taken away because he missed third base—Pagan, Beltran, and Reed did everything they could to take the attention off of Church. With Mark Loretta on first and nobody out in the bottom of the 11th, Xavier Paul flied to left center. Pagan went toward center, Beltran went toward left, and the ball went past both their gloves for a two-base error (the Mets’ fourth of the night—at that point). The Mets walked Juan Pierre to load the bases, and then brought in Beltran to be the fifth infielder—leaving a huge gap in the outfield. Apparently the gap wasn’t large enough for Rafael Furcal, though, as he flied out to short left. Then it was Orlando Hudson’s turn to choke. Thankfully for the Dodgers, the Mets out-choked him. Hudson hit what should have been an inning-ending double-play ball to first baseman Jeremy Reed, who threw the ball home—or at least that’s where I think he was trying to throw the ball. Loretta scored, the Dodgers won, and the Mets walked into their clubhouse where they probably proceeded to beat the living shit out of eachother.
Upset that Chad Billingsley has been getting attention for his 5-1 record, Jonathan Broxton vowed to do something about it on Thursday. Entering the ninth with a 3-1 lead, Broxton struck out the first two Phillies. Two strikes away from giving Billingsley his sixth win of the year, Broxton gave up a single to Raul Ibanez. He then walked Greg Dobbs, hitting all of .138. Broxton gathered himself, quickly got the count 0-2 on Carlos Ruiz… and then gave up a game-tying double. Just like that, Billingsley’s seven innings and nine strikeouts were for naught.
For whatever reason, the Dodgers had managed to make it more than a month into the season without being tormented by former Dodgers out for revenge. Luck ran out on Tuesday night in Philadelphia—in a big way.
After two pathetic attempts to win sans Manny, the Dodgers finally succeeded on Saturday afternoon, beating the Giants, 8-0. Eric Stults went the distance, scattering four hits, and the offense got a lift from the unlikeliest of sources: the Juans. Pierre and Castro, batting first and eighth respectively, combined for three runs, six hits, and five RBIs. The performance raises skinny Juan’s batting average to .405, and journeyman Juan’s batting average to .438. If we go another month and either of them are batting even .300, I’ll run down Elysian Park Avenue naked.
On top of what happened Thursday morning, I'd say that Thursday night’s Dodger game was just about the most nauseating thing I’ve ever fucking seen. I’m literally sick to my stomach. I want to puke up the Indian food I had for lunch, smear it on my TV, and then light my hair on fire while a midget cuts off my fingers, one by one. I have tickets to Friday’s game, but I think I’d rather pour ink in my ears and jump in front of a tour bus.
It was late Wednesday evening when the Baseball Gods gathered for their weekly meeting in the Heavens. "Hey," one Baseball God whispered to another, "the Dodgers have won thirteen in a row at home—they're the talk of baseball." Horrified at the news, the second Baseball God stood up and slammed his fist on the table. "How the FUCK did we let this happen? This is inexcusable! There are Dodger fans actually enjoying themselves? Actually believing in the team?" A few seconds of silence passed, and then a third Baseball God spoke up. "So, how do we punish Dodger fans?"
While Dodger fans were clearly distraught Wednesday over the news that former Dodger Scott Proctor will undergo Tommy John surgery, they managed to find a little enjoyment in the other event of the day: the Dodgers’ record-setting thirteenth straight home victory. With the win, the Dodgers’ pass Ty Cobb’s 1911 Detroit Tigers, who won twelve in a row to start the season.
Orlando Hudson is turning out to be quite a bargain for the Dodgers. Not only is he batting .333, but apparently he’s a right fielder, too—or at least he thinks he is. Trying to impress his former team on Tuesday, Hudson was all over the field—with mixed results. He made two great catches (one in the heart of right field) to save runs, and then lost his friggin’ mind in the fifth when he decided to fight Andre Ethier for a fly ball that was closer to the warning track than the infield. Hudson and Ethier collided, the ball dropped, and the official scorer blamed Ethier for not telling the Dodgers’ second baseman to fuck off.
When your big inning starts with two-out singles from Brad Ausmus, Juan Castro, and Chad Billingsley, you know you’re living a charmed life. The Dodgers certainly are, as they completed a four-game sweep of the Padres on Sunday while resting Manny Ramirez, Rafael Furcal, Casey Blake, and Russell Martin (although let’s be honest, Blake and Martin aren’t exactly key ingredients these days). The Dodgers’ win gives them an 18-8 record and sets the franchise mark for most consecutive wins at home to start a season—breaking the mark set by the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1946 (when Brad Ausmus was just a teenager).
Harkening back to an era when there was such a thing as a pitchers’ duel, the Dodgers and Padres took a scoreless tie into the ninth inning on Friday night. Forgive me if it felt like the early 1980’s. Jake Peavy allowed the Dodgers just two hits and a walk over eight innings, and Clayton Kershaw matched the Padres’ ace, allowing just four hits over seven innings. Ronald Belisario, Will Ohman, and Jonathan Broxton combined to pitch a scoreless eighth and ninth, and the Dodgers stepped to the plate in the bottom of the ninth against our old pal with the dirtiest name in baseball, Duaner Sanchez.