October
27, 2002 THE
GIANTS LOSE THE PENNANT! THE GIANTS LOSE THE PENNANT!
Autry,
shmautry—THE GIANTS AREN'T WORLD CHAMPS!! On behalf of Dodger
fans everywhere, DodgerBlues extends a sincere thank you to the
Angels... and a sincere F You to the Giants. Behind a Garrett Anderson
3-run double, the Angels beat San Francisco 4-1 and are World Champions
for the first time. Also for the first time, Fox showed a picture
of Gene Autry. No, wait... they've shown that picture 18,000 times.
Our bad. Regardless, the Angels have the trophy—that is, until
Mike Scioscia eats it. And would someone please tell Dusty Baker's
son that there's no crying in baseball. Little pussy. So, in summary,
Mike Scioscia is hungry, Tom Goodwin still sucks, Baker's kid is
a crybaby, and Gene Autry is dead. Go Dodgers!
October
26, 2002 Rally
Mickey, Not Monkey
Don't
think for a minute that that ridiculous Karros-like rally monkey
does a damn thing. It's not the monkey that's given the Angels a
seventh game, it's Mickey. Mickey Hatcher. That goofy bastard is
a cheerleader, prankster, lunatic, retard, and coach all wrapped
up in one. His presence in the dugout means just as much as a clutch
hit by Troy Glaus or a Troy Percival strikeout. (By the way, what's
up with the Troy thing?) Anyway, how many coaches have you seen
wearing their hat backwards? How many coaches come out of the dugout
to congratulate players like a spastic? How do you account for 1988?
It sure as hell wasn't talent. Regardless of what happens Sunday—and
being a Dodger fan, you can't be optimistic—there's no bigger
monkey than Mickey.
October
24, 2002 Giant
Morons
You're
a Dodger fan. You suffer through another torturous year. They come
close, but get eliminated in the final weekend of the season. Tough
to take, but it's happened before. No big deal. At least the close
of the season brings some comfort. Right? Wrong. There's no comfort
in LA-LA Land when the goddamn Giants are a game away from winning
the World Series. Look at these dicks in the picture. The guy on
the left is so fucking stupid that he's flipping the bird to his
whimpy friend. These guys don't deserve the thrill. And what the
hell is Dusty Baker's 3-year-old doing on the field? The kid is
still crapping in a diaper and Baker expects him to know when to
retrieve a bat? And as a DodgerBlues.com visitor asks, what the
hell is a 55-year-old guy doing with a 3-year-old kid anyway?
October
15, 2002 Pray
for the Angels
As
if we needed another reason to pull for the Angels, its now been
decided that the goddamn Giants will be in the other dugout. The
despised Giants, and the hated Tom Goodwin. Facing L.A.'s other
team. The good one. Plus, two former Dodgers managing in the World
Series. One, a cocky prick with a toothpick addiction. The other,
a humble class-act with a hamburger addiction. May Mike Scioscia
take a halo and use it to strangle Dusty Baker. F the Giants.
October
8, 2002 Karros
Gets Haircut, is Hospitalized
According
to the Dodgers, Eric Karros underwent minor shoulder surgery on
Friday. However, DodgerBlues has learned from inside sources that
the surgery was merely a cover-up for a haircut gone bad. Karros,
who had previously visited a barber in January 2001, decided early
last week that it was finally time for another cut after not being
able to find his eyes. Karros walked in to his local Fantastic Sams
and requested a shampoo and cut. The frightened hair stylist went
to work, and soon a pile of EK hair covered her feet. By the time
she was done, Karros had lost 13 pounds of hair, and his body quickly
went into shock. Minor shoulder surgery? Think again.
October
1, 2002 Dodger
Generosity Reaches All-Time High
As
bad as the Dodgers' sense of talent is, their sense of value is
apparently worse. They spend $55 million on Darren Dreifort, $105
million on Kevin Brown, and $3 million on Tom Goodwin (to play for
the Giants)... yet they spend $8.50 on Fan Appreciation Day. It
wasn't long ago that they would wheel out cars, boats, big-screen
TVs, and trips all over the world to reward the fans. This year,
after blowing the wild card lead in the final weeks of the season,
the organization choked again, giving the fans a pile of shit on
the final day of the season. The Dodgers showed their appreciation
to the fans by handing out a few free golf lessons, some autographs
(which must have broken the bank), fire logs (FIRE LOGS?), a few
round trip tickets within the US, and some 2003 season tickets (to
see Jeff Williams return next September). Why not give away Dan
Evans' soiled underpants? The organization should be incredibly
thankful that there are 3.1 million idiots in L.A. (including those
behind DodgerBlues.com) that will go to the game regardless of what
kind of team they put out on the field. Instead of the appreciation
we deserve, however, two lucky fans are given a month's supply of
mouthwash. Fine, we get it... they're not going to shower us with
expensive prizes. OK, then we ask just one thing of the Dodgers:
teach the pitchers to bunt.
Autry,
shmautry—THE GIANTS AREN'T WORLD CHAMPS!! On behalf of Dodger
fans everywhere, DodgerBlues extends a sincere thank you to the
Angels... and a sincere F You to the Giants. Behind a Garrett Anderson
3-run double, the Angels beat San Francisco 4-1 and are World Champions
for the first time. Also for the first time, Fox showed a picture
of Gene Autry. No, wait... they've shown that picture 18,000 times.
Our bad. Regardless, the Angels have the trophy—that is, until
Mike Scioscia eats it. And would someone please tell Dusty Baker's
son that there's no crying in baseball. Little pussy. So, in summary,
Mike Scioscia is hungry, Tom Goodwin still sucks, Baker's kid is
a crybaby, and Gene Autry is dead. Go Dodgers!
Don't
think for a minute that that ridiculous Karros-like rally monkey
does a damn thing. It's not the monkey that's given the Angels a
seventh game, it's Mickey. Mickey Hatcher. That goofy bastard is
a cheerleader, prankster, lunatic, retard, and coach all wrapped
up in one. His presence in the dugout means just as much as a clutch
hit by Troy Glaus or a Troy Percival strikeout. (By the way, what's
up with the Troy thing?) Anyway, how many coaches have you seen
wearing their hat backwards? How many coaches come out of the dugout
to congratulate players like a spastic? How do you account for 1988?
It sure as hell wasn't talent. Regardless of what happens Sunday—and
being a Dodger fan, you can't be optimistic—there's no bigger
monkey than Mickey.
You're
a Dodger fan. You suffer through another torturous year. They come
close, but get eliminated in the final weekend of the season. Tough
to take, but it's happened before. No big deal. At least the close
of the season brings some comfort. Right? Wrong. There's no comfort
in LA-LA Land when the goddamn Giants are a game away from winning
the World Series. Look at these dicks in the picture. The guy on
the left is so fucking stupid that he's flipping the bird to his
whimpy friend. These guys don't deserve the thrill. And what the
hell is Dusty Baker's 3-year-old doing on the field? The kid is
still crapping in a diaper and Baker expects him to know when to
retrieve a bat? And as a DodgerBlues.com visitor asks, what the
hell is a 55-year-old guy doing with a 3-year-old kid anyway?
As
if we needed another reason to pull for the Angels, its now been
decided that the goddamn Giants will be in the other dugout. The
despised Giants, and the hated Tom Goodwin. Facing L.A.'s other
team. The good one. Plus, two former Dodgers managing in the World
Series. One, a cocky prick with a toothpick addiction. The other,
a humble class-act with a hamburger addiction. May Mike Scioscia
take a halo and use it to strangle Dusty Baker. F the Giants.
According
to the Dodgers, Eric Karros underwent minor shoulder surgery on
Friday. However, DodgerBlues has learned from inside sources that
the surgery was merely a cover-up for a haircut gone bad. Karros,
who had previously visited a barber in January 2001, decided early
last week that it was finally time for another cut after not being
able to find his eyes. Karros walked in to his local Fantastic Sams
and requested a shampoo and cut. The frightened hair stylist went
to work, and soon a pile of EK hair covered her feet. By the time
she was done, Karros had lost 13 pounds of hair, and his body quickly
went into shock. Minor shoulder surgery? Think again.
As
bad as the Dodgers' sense of talent is, their sense of value is
apparently worse. They spend $55 million on Darren Dreifort, $105
million on Kevin Brown, and $3 million on Tom Goodwin (to play for
the Giants)... yet they spend $8.50 on Fan Appreciation Day. It
wasn't long ago that they would wheel out cars, boats, big-screen
TVs, and trips all over the world to reward the fans. This year,
after blowing the wild card lead in the final weeks of the season,
the organization choked again, giving the fans a pile of shit on
the final day of the season. The Dodgers showed their appreciation
to the fans by handing out a few free golf lessons, some autographs
(which must have broken the bank), fire logs (FIRE LOGS?), a few
round trip tickets within the US, and some 2003 season tickets (to
see Jeff Williams return next September). Why not give away Dan
Evans' soiled underpants? The organization should be incredibly
thankful that there are 3.1 million idiots in L.A. (including those
behind DodgerBlues.com) that will go to the game regardless of what
kind of team they put out on the field. Instead of the appreciation
we deserve, however, two lucky fans are given a month's supply of
mouthwash. Fine, we get it... they're not going to shower us with
expensive prizes. OK, then we ask just one thing of the Dodgers:
teach the pitchers to bunt.