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> OCTOBER 2005 October 30, 2005 So who's gonna can the McCourts?
Some people are saying that the McCourts did the right thing by getting rid of Paul DePodesta. Maybe so. DePodesta appeared to be over his head, clueless about chemistry, and infatuated with Hee Seop Choi. He inherited guys like Paul LoDuca, Dave Roberts, and Adrian Beltre. He left us with guys like Jose Valentin, J.D. Drew, and Oscar Robles. DePodesta was a problem. We can't necessarily argue that. What we do question, however, is the absurd timing of the firing and the total lack of continuity in the organization. If you're going to get rid of your GM, why wait until he's spent two weeks conducting a search for a manager? If his candidates aren't what you thought they'd be, why was he on such a different page? And why allow him to dump the manager who he doesn't get along with if he himself isn't even going to be part of the picture? It all stinks of severe retardation. (More likely, it stinks of Camille Johnston's perfume, as the Dodgers' new PR dimwit probably convinced the McCourts that they'd look like heroes if they canned DePodesta.) The offseason is progressing, and the Dodgers are regressing. Frank McCourt talks about establishing stability in the organization, but every time the boat begins to calm, he rocks it again. And then he wonders why people are puking over the side. We're certainly not big fans of DePodesta, but the one thing he had going was a plan. Granted that plan had yet to come to fruition (well, let's hope it hadn't), but he was oviously working toward something. Now, the Dodgers are starting from scratch again... which, of course, isn't to say they won't start from scratch yet again in six months. Everyone who works for the Dodgers should be scared shitless, and for good reason. Your boss is a maniac. You want to freak people out on Halloween? Dress up as Frank and walk around Dodger Stadium. Paul DePodesta, meanwhile, has refused to bash his former boss. Obviously conscious of his image knowing he'll soon be looking for another job, DePodesta issued this statement: "I truly believe this franchise is poised to begin the next great era of Dodger baseball. I have a tremendous amount of affection for the players, staff and front office. I wish everyone the best of luck. Most importantly, I want to thank the fans for their unparalleled support of the team." Allow us to translate: "I truly believe that Hee Seop Choi will hit 65 home runs and drive in 140. That said, the Dodgers will never win the division while a 24-year-old is the goddamn director of marketing. Finally, I'd like to express my hatred for all Dodger fans, none of whom understand that FIP = 13 HR + 3 BB - 2 K / innings pitched. If I had your email addresses, I'd send each and every one of you a virus. May Pat Gillick become the new GM and sign Cory Snyder to a 2-year contract." October
27, 2005
As much as Terry Collins is likely the Dodgers' choice, there might be one thing (one big, fat thing) keeping DePodesta from feeling entirely comfortable: Tommy Lasorda. DePodesta and Lasorda don't exactly share the same baseball theories, and you get the feeling that DePodesta wouldn't mind seeing Lasorda fall into a vat of ricotta cheese. Since Tommy has vociferously endorsed Collins (to the point where you just want to shove gnocci in his nostrils), you could see DePodesta going with someone else simply as an F-you to Marinara Face. Would it have been so hard for Linguine Lips to keep his goddamn mouth shut? He works for the organization, correct? Then why the hell is he publicly endorsing someone? Simple answer: he's three feet tall and full of tomato paste. October
24, 2005
So what's next? With the McCourts tapping everything in sight to generate revenue, is anything sacred? By anything, of course, we really mean just one thing: Dodger Stadium itself. Almost every major league stadium—most of which are owned or operated by people far less greedy than Frank McCourt—has seen a monstrous corporation pay to have their name attached to the venue. There's Petco Park, PNC Park, Safeco Field, U.S. Cellular Field, Citizens Bank Park… the list goes on. Yet, Dodger Stadium is still Dodger Stadium. But for how long? The Houston Astros are making $6 million a year from an orange juice company. If McCourt can get that kind of money by selling naming rights to Dodger Stadium (and the truth is, a stadium in L.A. would surely fetch more than one in Houston), why wouldn't he do it? The fact is, he will. Like a J.D. Drew injury, it's only a matter of time. While McCourt hasn't seemed particularly concerned with his image considering the speed and ruthlessness with which he's made changes, he obviously understands the uproar he'll cause when Dodger Stadium becomes Wells Fargo Field. He understands the uproar, but does he care? Doubtful. Likely he's held off selling naming rights in hopes that he'd first gain fan support. Since it's clear that he's failed in that regard, there doesn't seem to be much stopping him from lowering the boom. Fans are already upset-—why not just kick 'em when they're down? When the time comes, McCourt will probably say that they're selling naming rights to keep the team competitive, but haven't they been competitive for about 100 years without having to sell naming rights? It's great that McCourt isn't knocking down the stadium anytime soon, but taking a wrecking ball to the name isn't any less disturbing. As it is, there are very few remnants of the organization we all grew to love. Since Dodger players come and go like drunks at a urinal, the only attachments we have are in the physical. We still have the palm trees out beyond the bleachers, there's still the smell of Dodger dogs wafting through the air, and there's still the sight and sound of Vin Scully in the broadcasting booth. But would those things all have the same meaning if you had to enter Barnes & Noble Stadium to experience them? October
19, 2005
Sure, a lot of the seats were in sad shape (well, except for the ones that are now being replaced for the second time in as many years), but how many fans stopped coming to the ballpark because of seat condition? Considering that 3.6 million fans showed up at the Ravine in '05, it's safe to say that there isn't a goddamn person in L.A. who sat at home thinking, "Gee, I'd have gone to the game tonight, but the seats are kind of old." Nonetheless, Frank McCourt is betting $15 million that new seats will make a difference. "It's all about the fan experience, and comfort for the fans," chief operating officer Marty Greenspun told the L.A. Times. "This is one of the ways to show fans we care." Yeah, Marty, that was our first reaction when we heard about the new seats: "Frank McCourt cares about us. He really cares!" Our eyes welled with tears, a warmth spead through our bodies, and we wrote a three-page thank you note to Jamie. Are they friggin' serious? If Frank and family are really interested in showing fans they care, there's only one way to do it: spend the money to put a winning team on the field. It's that simple. You want to draw 4 million fans? Spend the money to put a winning team on the field. You want to put a stop to Arte Moreno's siphoning of L.A. fans and restore the Dodger name? Spend the money to put a winning team on the field. If the Dodgers were fun to watch, people would come to the stadium and happily sit on bales of hay. Ah... but they're not fun to watch (and likely won't be as long as Paul DePodesta is around)—which is exactly why they're replacing the seats. If you're watching Vladimir Guerrero in Dodger Blue, the hay bale is fine. If you're watching Oscar Robles, that better be one comfortable seat. October
16, 2005
October
11, 2005
October
5, 2005
October
3, 2005
While Jim Tracy certainly isn't responsible for the nightmare that was the 2005 Dodgers, he didn't exactly help the situation. He might be a decent guy, but he's a craphole of a manager. Period. He's got no creativity, no spark, and no idea how to use the English language. Will we miss his quotes? Probably. Will we miss his habit of pinch-hitting for a left-handed hitter who happens to hit three points less against lefties than Mike Edwards? Not so much. God bless Paul DePodesta for having a head the size of Iowa. DePodesta believes that a lineup should be built one way: his stupid way. Tracy wanted to do it his own stupid way, and now Tracy can do it his own way for a team in the Pacific Coast League (or for the Pirates... basically the same thing). While nobody with the Dodgers will say that Tracy was actually fired, how often do you see a manager choose to leave a team that he's managed for five years? "Jim Tracy has been a passionate and valued member of the Dodger organization," DePodesta said. "I have an extremely high regard for him professionally and personally." (The Dodgers' GM then excused himself from the conference call and puked up his lunch in the bathroom.) Before we urinate all over ourselves from excitement, though, let's consider a frightening possibility: there might be someone out there who's worse than Jim Tracy. If there is, you can bet that McCourt and DePodesta will find him. Why expect that the same men who brought us Jose Valentin and Jason Phillips will bring us someone who's capable of running a major league baseball team? Oops, we keep forgetting... they're not a major league baseball team. They're the Dodgers. Please forgive us. October
2, 2005 - Padres
3, Dodgers 1
The amazing start: The Dodgers began the season winning ten of their first twelve, which did just one thing: set up dumb fans for disappointment. The Ja(y)sons: Everywhere you looked in 2005, there was a Ja(y)son. There was Repko, there was Werth, there was Phillips, and there was Grabowski... and then there wasn't Grabowski... and then there he was again. Combined, the Ja(y)sons hit .224. The naked uniforms: In a nod to tradition (the Red Sox tradition), Frank McCourt stripped the names off the Dodger uniforms. Forgive the fans if they can't spot Franquelis Osoria. The injuries: Over the course of the season, 1,150 games were lost due to injury—Gagne's injury probably being the most painful. Only one Dodger had enough plate appearances to qualify for the batting championship: Jeff Kent. The disappearance of Frankenstein: Somehow, Scott Erickson make the starting roation out of Spring Training. After posting an ERA of close to 8.00, however, Erickson was sent down to Triple-A, never to be heard from again. Really, Lisa Guerrero recently filed a missing persons resport. The foul ball: In mid-June, coach Glenn Hoffman was hit in head by an Olmedo Saenz line drive in batting practice. Hoffman returned to the team a few weeks later, but sadly thought he was a hub cap. The Hee Seop flop: Hee Seop Choi hit 15 home runs in 2005, six coming in the span of twelve at-bats against Minnesota and Kansas City. After the freakish episode, Choi immediately returned to sucking, ending the season at .253. The All-Star curse: Cesar Izturis began the season with two months of amazing hitting. Then, however, the Dodgers began a campaign to get Cesar elected to the All Star team. He immediately hit the skids, going something like six for his next sixty and soon found himself on the DL. The embarrassment: About to be called into a game in Colorado, Kelly Wunsch made one final pitch in the bullpen—and tore a ligament in his ankle. Wunsch would be lost for the season. The family: Frank McCourt decided to give new meaning to "The Front Office", naming his wife as Team President and 23-year-old son as Director of Marketing. The Front Office is now that room in the McCourt house... you know, the one between the 12-car garage and Jamie's 1,300 square foot powder room. The fragile outfielder: As expected, J.D. Drew missed more than half the season with injuries. No worries, only four more years until his contract is over. The glove: When Luis Terrero hit a soft liner back over the pitcher's mound, Duaner Sanchez took his glove off and threw it at the ball. He knocked the ball down, but also violating rule 7.05c of Major League Baseball's Official Playing Rules. Guess Duaner hasn't read the rule book. The questions: Did Jim Tracy ask himself a lot of questions during the year? The response to that question would be affirmative. Did Jim Tracy answer any of those questions? That would be up to interpretation. The fight: Ali vs. Frazier. O.J. vs. Nicole. Jeff Kent vs. Milton Bradley. It took almost five months, but the inevitable finally happened in late August: Kent and Bradley went at it. If nothing else, the feud produced some great quotes and gave fans a reason to read the Sports section... at least for a few days. The affair: No, not the one between Jim Tracy and his "Managing for Dummies" book. We're talking Derek Lowe and Carolyn Hughes. That affair had everything: ramblings from the wife, scandalous pictures on the beach, public denials, a job dismissal. The Yhency: After a sparkling stretch as Gagne's replacement in April, Brazoban bombed in the same role later in the season. He did, however, name his daughter Yoneider. The Dioner: It was only fair that Jason Phillips, who forced David Ross out of a job at the end of Spring Training, was himself forced out of a job in July. It had to be a little embarrassing for Phillips, though, that he lost his job to a minor league call-up. The 911 calls: With the Dodgers already on the fence as to Milton Bradley's future, the outfielder's 911 calls to the Torrance Police Department were released in mid-September. "I have a bad temper," Milton told the 911 operator. Bradley also reportedly pleaded with the operator for a decent first baseman, but that must have been eliminated from the transcript. The unforgettables: Buddy Carlyle, Derek Thompson, Cody Ross, Paul Bako, Norihiro Nakamura. What, you've forgotten about them already? Yes, it was an eventful season. Good f'ing riddance. |
Dan
Evans was excused of his duty. Ross Porter's contract was
not renewed. Lon Rosen and Gary Miereanu left the organization.
Jim Tracy and the team parted ways. Now, Paul DePodesta has
been dismissed. If nothing else, the McCourts are learning
how to come up with new and creative ways to describe firings. Frankly,
we think the firings can best be described this way: the McCourts
are completely, utterly, and totally insane. They shouldn't be running
a hot dog stand, let alone a professional baseball team. They're
impulsive, confused, and crazy. That's a frightening combination.
So,
the Dodgers are apparently whittling down their list of managerial
candidates. This way, it actually looks like they've got a process
and not just a Podesta. Don't fool yourself, though—they made
the choice long ago. All signs have pointed to Terry Collins ever
since the great day Jim Tracy was 'dismissed.' Collins has managerial
experience, familiarity with the organization, and most importantly,
a well-oiled relationship with Paul DePodesta. The fact that Orel
Hershiser is even in the mix is laughable considering the late stage
at which he was brought in to interview. When people started calling
for a former Dodger to be in the running, DePodesta realized the
PR situation and put Orel on a plane (probably at Orel's expense).
Of course, DePodesta wasn't there at the airport to greet him. Nor
was he at Dodger Stadium for Orel's interview. Very classy. Poor
Orel doesn't have a clue who he's flirting with. These are not your
friends, Orel. These are not your Dodgers. Lucky for him, he's just
a pawn in DePodesta's little game of online Battleship. Or whatever
stupid game has pawns.
Upgraded
Dugout Club. Check. Increase in the cost of parking. Check. New
seats along the lines. Check. Advertising on the outfield wall.
Check. Advertising ribbon wrapping the stadium. Check. Advertising
on the bullpen gates. Check. Advertising on the groundskeepers'
rakes. Check. Commercials on Diamondvision between innings. Check.
Continuing
to find ways to spend money on anything but the talent on the field,
the Dodgers have embarked on yet another stadium makeover. After
all, as the guys in the front office will tell you, it's all about
the fans. That is, it's all about them being comfortable enough
to stick around for a couple more innings and spend another $20
on beer and nachos. With the exception of the benches in the outfield
pavilions, all seats in the stadium are being replaced by new seats
with cup holders (to remind you when you've yet to buy a $5 Coke).
Along with the new seats, of course, come new colors— although
the Dodgers are spinning it as a return to the original color palette
introduced in 1962. The fourteen people who remember that the Reserved
level seats were once turquoise will be very happy. For everyone
else—most of whom hate the color turquoise—it's just another
unnecessary change that further divorces the reality of the Dodger
experience from our memory of the Dodger experience.
As
the list of candidates to replace Jim Tracy grows, Dodger Blues
has learned that Paul DePodesta will soon interview Hee Seop Choi
for the job. The Dodger GM has stuck by Choi since his aquisition
in 2004, and always envisioned him having a more important role.
"Initially, I felt like he should have more playing time,"
DePodesta said, "but lately I'm beginning to think he'd make
a great manager. After all, he has lots of experience sitting on
the bench." DePodesta is also scheduled to interview Terry
Pendleton this week, as well as a couple of former Dodgers—likely
just to pacify a few people within the organization. It's no secret
that Tommy Lasorda wants to take a bath with Bobby Valentine, so
you've got to figure that Pasta-Face is pressuring DePodesta to
interview him. If Valentine is indeed brought in for an interview,
it'll be done purely to shut the old man up. There's no chance in
hell that DePodesta is hiring a guy with major league managerial
experience. Any guy with experience knows that DePodesta is a turd.
A guy without experience may very well know that DePodesta is a
turd, but he'll be so thankful for the opportunity that he'll gladly
lather DePodesta's balls with aloe.
Perpetuating
the bizarre belief that Jim Tracy is a good manager, the Pittsburgh
Pirates hired Mr. Personality on Tuesday. (The hiring also perpetuates
the more accurate belief that the Pirates don't have any idea what
the hell they're doing.) Tracy's hiring ends the long streak of
Dodger managers fading into oblivion. Bill Russell, Glenn Hoffman,
Davey Johnson... none was to ever manage in the majors again. It
has been fifty-two years, in fact—since Chuck Dressen went
on to manage Washington after the '53 season—that a Dodger
manager found a job elsewhere. (To be fair, Walter Alston probably
could have found another job if he had stayed alive.) Regardless,
Pittsburgh should be very proud of themeselves. Fans there should
get to see Daryle Ward in the starting lineup every day. And they
shouldn't be surprised when Tracy pulls Zach Duke after six innings
of shutout ball but leaves Josh Fogg in the game to give up 11 runs.
We give it two months before Pirates fans try to throw Tracy into
the Allegheny River. Mark your calendars, however, for April 11-13.
That's when the Pirates sweep the Dodgers.
Like
a girl who spends the last six months of a relationship scouting
a new boyfriend, Paul DePodesta has wasted no time coming up with
possible replacements for Jim Tracy. In all likelihood, all he had
to do was double-click on MY DOCUMENTS, open up the DODGERS folder,
scroll down past the naked pictures of Hee Seop Choi, and open up
"tracy_replacements.doc" (creation date 2-16-04). On that
list, apparently, was Terry Collins (the Dodgers' director of player
development and former Angels manager), Jerry Royster (the Dodgers'
triple-A manager and former Brewers manager), Torey Lovullo (who
batted .224 in a distinguished 8-year career with about nine teams),
and Alan Trammell (who was just fired by the Tigers after posting
a 186-300 record in his three seasons with Detroit). DePodesta said
that there's a fifth candidate as well, but would not name him.
By the looks of the first four, the fifth candidate is likely his
mom. Hell, he might as well just manage the team himself. That way,
there'd be no differences of opinion, no rifts in the front office,
and no stolen bases. All that DePodesta wants is someone to nod
their head and follow his rules. Here's a thought: buy a monkey,
lock him in the bullpen for a couple months with some bananas and
a copy of Moneyball, and give him Tracy's uniform come spring. We'd
pay anything to see the Dodger manager throw his feces at Jason
Repko.
On
Sunday, Mike Rose hit his first major league home run. Just when
you thought it couldn't get any better, it did—so much better.
The Dodgers announced on Monday that Jim Tracy (or to us, Mr. Personality)
won't return in 2006. It's music to our ears—ears still ringing
from the sound of Hee Seop Choi's backswing. It's so sweet. It's
like finding out that your lottery ticket is the winner. It's like
being stranded in the middle of the desert and stumbling upon an
ice chest of lemonade. It's like hearing that your positive gonorrhea
results were actually someone else's.
Dodger
fans haven't had much to be excited about this season, but there's
certainly reason to smile today: the season is over. The miserable,
boring, waste of a season is finally, thankfully, definitely over.
While it's a little depressing to think about the next five months
without Brian Myrow, Dodger fans can rest in peace tonight. Quietly
losing to San Diego, 3-1, the Dodgers finish the season 20 games
below .500 and 11 games out of first place. The Dodgers managed
just one hit through the first seven innings on Sunday, their only
run coming on Mike Rose's first major league home run—a shot
to right in the eighth. You got the feeling the team was actually
angry at him for prolonging the game. And you can't blame them.
The end couldn't come soon enough. Nonetheless, it wasn't as if
the season was uneventful. Let's reminisce a bit.