> 5.13.08 - Juan Pierre
Eric Gagne walks Andruw Jones—the potential tying run—and Juan Pierre goes up to the plate and swings at the first pitch. A little tough to beat out a pop-up to short, isn't it Juan? A-hole.

> 5.11.08 - Joe Torre
A day after Torre says he's concerned about Dodger starters not going deep enough into games, he pulls Hiroki Kuroda in the middle of a 97-pitch one-hitter. Awesome.

> 5.7.08 - Darryl Strawberry
It was on this day seventeen years ago that Darryl Strawberry returned to New York as a Dodger. A crowd of 49,118 booed when Strawberry hit a two-run home run, and cheered when he made the last out of the game with the potential tying and winning runs on base in the 6-5 Met victory. Strawberry would go on, of course, to beat his girlfriend, fail to report hundreds of thousands of dollars in income, do coke, solicit sex from a police officer posing as a prostitute, be sued by his attorney, file phony police reports, escape drug treatment centers, and leave the scene of an accident. Nothing but class.

> 5.3.08 - Charter Communications
If Vin Scully's broadcasting career is indeed nearing the end, Charter Communications just robbed me (and anyone else with this shitty cable company) of nine precious innings. The picture was fine on Saturday, but aside from the background fan noise at Coors Field, there was no audio beginning midway through the first inning. At first I thought Vinny may have croaked right there in the booth. Then, deciding not to be so morbid, I decided he just couldn't handle watching Andruw Jones anymore and decided to retire in mid-inning. When I finally tuned in 790 to discover that Vinny was indeed alive, hadn't abruptly retired, and was actually two minutes ahead of the TV broadcast, I realized what was really happening: the people at Charter were smoking crack instead of doing their fucking jobs. Assholes.

> 5.1.08 - Vin Scully
For the love of God, Vinny—and I know you do love him—please don't leave us with Rick, Charley, and Steve. If it means broadcasting the games from your bedroom, fine by me.

> 4.29.08 - Mark Hendrickson
Since the Dodgers are playing the Marlins, this might be a good time to point out that Mark Hendrickson is 4-1 this season. Yes, he's the same Mark Hendrickson who—when he was in LA—could get a cat out of a tree but not a batter out at the plate. Amazonian a-hole.

> 4.25.08 - Chuggers
Was I at Dodger Stadium on Friday night or a trashy bar in North Hollywood? Was I at a baseball game or a goddamn frat party? While some fans played with beachballs and a few even watched the game (imagine that), everyone else in the Field Level near the right-field foul pole spent the first five innings engaged in the classiest of activities: a beer-chugging contest. "CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG..." is all I heard until, I guess, all those assholes finally ran out of money. Do me a favor, fucknuts, and get the hell out of my stadium. You want to chug beer and scream like apes? Do it in hell, because you're going there soon enough.

> 4.22.08 - Paul Bako
Not only is Paul Bako (a.k.a. Gabor Paul Bako III) still alive, he's still in the majors. And not only is he still in the majors, he's driving in runs against the Dodgers. Beautiful.

> 4.20.08 - Randy Wolf
Just for the record, Randy Wolf is now 2-0 with a 2.49 ERA. Not that I'm paying attention.

> 4.18.08 - Don Mattingly
He joins the Dodgers in Atlanta, and all they can score is a run? Who needs him.

> 4.16.08 - President Bush
Thousands of Americans have died in Iraq, and President Bush invites Tommy Lasorda to greet the fucking Pope? Something just bothers me about that... unless, of course, the Pope can hit with runners in scoring position.

> 4.15.08 - Dodgers.com
If there was a poll that included Todd Worrell and Jeff Shaw as choices, you might think the question would be something like "Which of the following people made you so angry that you shot your sister in the head?" Think again. On Dodgers.com, both Worrell and Shaw are among the choices for all-time Dodger relief pitcher. Vote now. Maybe see if you can do a write-in vote for Mike Trombley.

> 4.13.08 - Yours Truly
If I can give Juan Pierre a hard time every day, it's only fair that I acknowledge my own adult league performance today: 0-for-6 without a ball hit beyond the infield. I'm a total fucking disgrace and should have been beaten up by my teammates.

> 4.12.08 - Steiner Sports
You can finally make your fantasy a reality. Check this out.

> 4.11.08 - Ned Colletti
Jones signing looking good, Ned. Keep up the great work. Shitbag.

> 4.9.08 - Wilkin Ruan
Outfielder Wilkin Ruan, who hasn't played in the majors since 2003 but was taking up space at Triple-A, was released on Tuesday by the Dodgers. Sad days indeed. Even sadder is that he'll sign with the Padres, be called up in September, and then fuck the Dodgers by stealing home in the 12th inning. Asshole.

> 4.7.08 - Joe Torre
Was I just dreaming, or did Joe Torre say he was going to give Russell Martin some time off this season?

> 4.5.08 - Jake Peavy
Whether it was poo-poo, chocolate, or a substance a little more illicit, there was definitely something brown on Jake Peavy's fingers Saturday night—as pointed out by some sleuths in the fan forum. Any way you cut it (spreading fecal bacteria, eating candy during a game, or cheating), Peavy's an asshole.

> 4.4.08 - Randy Wolf
Gives up one run in six innings for the Padres on Thursday. A-hole.

> 4.1.08 - Larry Bowa
What a crazy asshole. I love it!

> 3.31.08 - Russell Martin
"We're going to soon realize how good we really are," said Russell Martin after the Dodgers' Opening Day win. Opening Day, for chrissakes. If the Dodgers win four of the first five, he's going to want his uniform in the Hall of Fame.

> 3.30.08 - Ned Colletti
Thanks to Ned's wise spending, the Dodgers start the season with a $47 million dollar pitcher on the DL, a $44 million dollar outfielder on the bench, an $8 million fifth starter who was really beat out for the job by a guy who's now at Triple-A, an $8.5 million dollar pinch-hitter on the DL, and a 40-year-old second baseman who can't run and would rather be on a motorbike in the desert.

> 3.29.08 - Steve Garvey
Come on, just look at the guy.

> 3.25.08 - The Blue Man Group
So, it looks like KCAL is sticking with the Blue Man Group for their Dodger commercials again this year. Thrilling. Nothing says "exciting baseball" like a bunch of assholes dancing around in blue paint. If color is the only criteria, why not the fucking Smurfs? After all, it's their 50th anniversary this year, too. (Yes, I'm ashamed that I know that.)

> 3.19.08 - Ned Colletti
If I was a little more mature, maybe I wouldn't need to denounce Ned Colletti each time Nomar Garciaparra ends up on the disabled list... but I'm not mature, so I'm denouncing him. Moustached moron.

> 3.16.08 - Frank McCourt
"I think this has opened the eyes of all the Americans here," Frank McCourt said as the Dodgers wrapped up their China trip on Sunday. "We came with a gift, the gift of baseball but I think we left with a bigger gift - the hospitality, the warmth and friendship of the Chinese people." Hmmm... how do you say 'completely full of shit' in Chinese?

> 3.10.08 - Chan Ho Park
Having now pitched seven scoreless innings this spring, Chan Ho Park is moving closer to securing a spot on the team... which means he's also moving closer to his first appearance in April when he gives up six runs in two-thirds of an inning.

> 3.6.08 - Ned Colletti
"What are the odds of having two third basemen go down in 15 minutes," asked Ned Colletti after the Dodgers lost Andy LaRoche and Nomar Garciaparra on Friday. Well I'm not a mathmetician, Ned, but I'm pretty sure the odds are the same as any two guys going down in 15 minutes. LaRoche and Nomar. Kemp and Ethier. Loney and your mom. Same odds.

> 3.1.08 - The 1986 Dodgers
It's no wonder why they only won 73 games. If you haven't seen it yet, watch this... and try watching it just once.

> 2.26.08 - Mark Sweeney
Boy, nothing says intensity like singing girly songs in the showers. Mark Sweeney, who got Barry Bonds to portray American Idol judge Paul Abdul last season, has convinced the Dodgers to do their own version of American Idol this week. At least he's smart enough to do it this week before he's cut. Asshole.

> 2.21.08 - Dr. Frank Jobe
Dr. Frank Jobe, the man who saved Tommy John's career and performed ligament replacement surgery on over 1,000 other athletes, was named special advisor to Frank McCourt on Thursday. The biggest part of this story, though, is the news that Jobe is 82 years old. Eighty-two?? When the hell did that happen? What the fuck is going on?

> 2.13.08 - Matt Herges
Former Dodger Matt Herges came clean Wednesday, admitting that he used performance-enhancing drugs—calling it his "dirty little secret." Dirty little secret? Come on, Matt, a dirty little secret would be having pictures of Jeff Reboulet and Mike Trombley sniffing their own underpants. Or a revelation that the guys in the pen would piss on each others hands before coming in the game. Or proof that Todd Hollandworth really isn't his brother-in-law, but actually his sister's pimp. But all you got is HGH? Asshole.

> 2.8.08 - Junichi Yamamoto
Takashi Saito is dead—at the hands of a sumo trainer named Junichi Yamamoto. (Read here.)

> 2.4.08 - Kim Mattingly

Enough said.

> 1.26.08 - Paul Shuey
If only Paul Shuey had managed to avoid injury in 2004 and stay with the Dodgers, we might have been witnessing one of the greatest reunions in the history of baseball: that of Shuey and his best friend, Tom Martin, who the Dodgers have invited to Spring Training. Such a shame.

> 1.22.08 - Joe Beimel
With Scott Proctor agreeing to a one-year deal on Saturday, the Dodgers' only arbitration-eligible player is Joe Beimel—the same Joe Beimel who missed the playoffs in '06 because he was out getting drunk. The Dodgers have offered Beimel $1.7 million, but he's asking for $2.15 million. Little tip for Joe: take the $1.7 and consider yourself lucky.

> 1.19.08 - Jason Repko
The Dodgers avoided arbitration with Jason Repko on Friday, agreeing to a one-year, $487,500 contract. Repko celebrated by running headfirst into a bus.

> 1.14.08 - Johnny Podres
Relax, I'm kidding. Podres was a huge part of Dodger history, and DB mourns his passing.

> 1.9.08 - Jeff Kent
"The other day I took one of my boys to Target and he had a gift card to buy a video game," Kent told LA Times' columnist TJ Simers. "He said, 'Dad, I could just rip this package open and put it in my pocket and nobody would ever know.' I told him, 'It's your choice, and go ahead and cheat Target if you want, but if you cheat there might come a time when you're caught and thrown in jail or led off in handcuffs.'" Quite the parent, Jeff. Go ahead, son, sniff that line of coke, but... uh... you probably shouldn't.

> 1.3.08 - Arte Moreno
It was three years ago today that Moustache Moreno officially announced that his franchise would be known as the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Three years later, and I still want to punch him in the face.