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Here's a list of Dodgers who have either f'd up big time or did nothing but suck as a Dodger. These douchebags have made the Dodgers what they are today.



> Mike Marshall

Mike Marshall (the outfielder) had one good season (1985) and one decent season (1988). In between, he seemed to be a fixture on the disabled list. Truly amazing the Dodgers hung onto him so long. He actually missed a game once due to "overall soreness." Pedro Guerrero might have been an idiot, but he was smart enough to know a slacker when he saw one. Guerrero complained about Marshall constantly being hurt and offering no protection in the lineup.

 

> Angel Pena

Year after year in the late 90's, Pena kept getting his fat chance, prolonging the emergence of Paul LoDuca as catcher. Pena did nothing with the Dodgers, hitting .209 with 5 home runs (from fat power) over parts of three seasons. Eventually the Dodgers tired of his poor attitude and work ethic, releasing the 400 pounder and freeing up food for others.

 

> Tom Goodwin

Dude could run like the wind, but even the wind would still have to get on base in the first place. Goodwin sucked for the Dodgers... sucked so much they had to get him back for a second tour of duty with the team. Then he went to the Giants where he proceeded to burn the Dodgers while they were paying his salary. Then, Goodwin was signed by the Cubs and hit .287. What an asshole.


> Todd Hundley

Todd Hundley is like that sweater you have at the back of the closet... the one you were so excited to get a few years ago... but then completely forgot about. And it got nasty and stale. So you threw it away. And then it suddenly appeared in your closet again. And again, you forgot about it. OK, a forced analogy, but the point is this: Hundley is a waste of space but won't go away. After pretty much doing nothing as a Dodger in '99 and 2000, Hundley departed for Chicago, where he did even worse (.187 and .211), driving the Cubs to search for a taker. Enter Dan Evans, who glady brought back Hundley. And he's pretty much been on the DL ever since. Douchebag supreme.

 

> Daryle Ward

While Daryle Ward's contributions have already been forgotten, his big fat ass will never be. Ward was acquired by the Dodgers before the 2003 season and was expected to be a backup outfielder... which is like putting a sperm whale in left and expecting it to get to line drives into the gap. Ward once hit as many as 20 home runs for the Astros. With the Dodgers, he hit none. One hundred and twenty at-bats, no home runs. One double. Three hundred and seven double cheeseburgers. Ward hit .183 as a Dodger and soon found himself at Triple-A Las Vegas. Of course, Ward couldn't understand why he was sent down—apparently the cheese went to his brain also.


> Tom Niedenfuer

No one forgets Game 6 of the 1985 NLCS. St. Louis has two on and two out in the 9th, down 5-4. First base is open with the slumping Andy Van Slyke on deck. But Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda decides to have Niedenfuer pitch to Jack Clark. Before anyone can even figure out the reasoning, Clark crushes Niedenfuer's first pitch 450 feet. Left-fielder Pedro Guerrero takes one look at the ball and slams his glove to the turf. Good pitch, Tom.

 

> Jose Gonzalez

In parts of six-plus seasons with the Dodgers, Jose Gonzales hit .273, .215, .188, .083, .268, .232, and .000. It was that .000 (an 0 for 28 start in 1991) that finally brought his worthless Dodger career to an end. He was traded to Pittsburgh for Mitch Webster, and continued to go hitless in his next 15 at-bats or something.

 

> Billy Ashley

Billy Ashley was a big lop of shit. At 6'6", 245 he was more suited to be a dam than an outfielder. He spent parts of six seasons with the Dodgers, who refused to give up on him. Yeah, really smooth... you give up on John Wetteland after a season, but keep Ashley around for six. The guy made embarassing mistakes in the outfield, and his hit totals were exceeded by his strikeout totals every season he played. Ashley hit .221, .243, .333 (6 ABs), .237, .200, and finally .244 in his last year with the team. Last we heard, he finished up his remarkable career in Boston, where he was being considered as a possible replacement for the Green Monster.

 

> Carlos Perez

If it wasn't for a few good starts Perez had after the Dodgers picked him up in late 1998, the team probably wouldn't have stuck with him as long as they did. Of course it might also have had something to do with the stupid-ass $15.5 million contract that Kevin Malone signed him to. Over the course of his contract, Perez was 7-18 with a 6.28 ERA in the majors, and 3-4 with a 6.51 ERA in the minors. He verbally attacked Dodger management, physically attacked a water cooler, was arrested for drunk-driving in Vero Beach, and once threatened to shoot a Delta Airlines flight attendant during a charter flight. A distinguished career indeed.

 

> Wilton Guerrero

In his two Dodger seasons, Guerrero hit .288. Hitting wasn't his problem. Using his brain was. Despite the Dodgers' claims to the contrary, Pedro Guerrero must have been his uncle. Hell, Wilton may have been even dumber than Pedro. He seemed to lack all baseball fundamentals, and didn't appear to have the capacity to learn. On one occasion in '98, Wilton rounded second after the batter had driven one to deep left. Seeing the ball was caught, he headed back to first-- straight across the friggin' infield. After he was called out on an appeal, the first base coach had to explain to him what he did wrong. If you're in the majors and don't know that you have to re-touch second, you're a moron, plain and simple. Plus, who can forget Wilton running to pick up the pieces of his splintered bat after he had corked it? Classic.

 

> Jose Offerman

Offerman is another guy the Dodgers stuck with long after he should have been let go. He spent five years with the Dodgers, all the time adequate with the bat but absolutely horrendous with the glove. Offerman made 140 errors with the Dodgers, leading the universe in miscues in '92 with 42. His .935 fielding percentage that year ranked just above Rainman. Why the Red Sox gave this guy a $24 million contract before the '99 season is beyond comprehension. On August 14, 2007, Offerman was playing for the Long Island Ducks in the independent Atlantic League when he was hit by a pitch. He immediately attacked Bridgeport Bluefish pitcher Matt Beech with his bat, breaking Beech's finger. Bluefish catcher John Nathans was also hit in the back of the head on Offerman's backswing, receiving a concussion that sidelined him for the remainder of the season. Offerman was arrested, charged with assault, and suspended by the league. He was later sentenced to two years of special probation.

 

> Darryl Strawberry

Darryl Strawberry had a ton of talent and even more money, but continually found ways to blow it. He was given countless opportunities to turn his life around, but he only proved what a big douchebag he is. In November 1990, Strawberry signed a 5-year, $20 million contract with the Dodgers, returning home in what was supposed to be a fairytale reunion. Apparently, however, Darryl read a whole different set of fairytales as a kid. He beat women, evaded paying taxes, and finally failed to show up for a '94 exhibition game after going on a drug binge. So ended his Dodger career, not to mention destroying the value of his beautiful '83 Fleer Update card that I paid $100 for. DAMMIT!!!

 

> Steve Howe

Note even Darryl Strawberry got as many chances as Steve Howe. The 1980 NL Rookie of the Year, Howe had drug problems right from the start. Howe was an effective reliever for the Dodgers, but admitted he used cocaine regularly with other players (Bill Russell). He relapsed several times after being treated, and eventually asked to be traded from the Dodgers because he thought that the West Coast environment encouraged his drug dependence. (Yeah, it was the location.) After a short stay in Minnesota, however, Howe relapsed again. And then about 4 more times with the Yankees. Even after seven drug suspensions, the Yankees took him back one more time. Years later he was even barred from coaching his daughter's softball team. His life, of course, ended tragically when he rolled his pick-up in April 2006.

 

> Tripp Cromer

Tripp Cromer really isn't a douchebag, but he's so goddamn thin, there was no place else to put him. He's listed as 6'2", 165, but there's no way that guy weighs more than 130. Cromer played with the Dodgers from 1997-1999, and somehow managed to hit 7 home runs over those years. A stiff breeze--or an Antonio Osuna fart--would have surely knocked him over.

 

> Mike Trombley

July 31, 2001 was not a good day in the history of Dodger trades. Just hours before the trading deadline, interim general manager Dave Wallace picked up Terry Mulholland and Mike Trombley. A mediocre reliever at best in his nine seasons with Minnesota and Baltimore, Trombley was horrible as a Dodger. In 19 games, Trombley was 0-4 with a 6.56 ERA, helping to ensure that the Dodgers wouldn't make it to the postseason.

 

> Terry Mulholland

Acquired the same faithful day as Mike Trombley, Mulholland was a complete piece of crap as a Dodger. In 19 games with the Dodgers in 2001, Mulholland racked up a 5.83 ERA—and was even worse in 2002 when his ERA was 7.31 before he was finally traded. In one stretch at the beginning of the 2002 season, Mulholland gave up something like 7 home runs in 5 innings. An absolutely worthless douchebag.

 

> F.P. Santangelo

Before coming to the Dodgers, F.P. was a solid 4th outfielder. In less than a season with L.A., F.P.'s career took a nose-dive. In 81 games, F.P. hit .197 with just nine RBIs. Maybe it had something do with the fact his name was F.P. Or maybe it was because while with the Giants he had taught his friggin' kid to say, "I hate the Dodgers," angering the baseball Gods who decided to rip him a new one. Regardless, F.P. is now out of baseball, where he should be.

 

> Chan Ho Park

Three events solidified Park's fate as a Dodger Douchebag. On April 24, 1999, Park grooved two grand-slam pitches to Fernando Tatis in the same inning. In 2001, Park grooved a pitch to Barry Bonds to give Bonds the single-season home run record. And finally, in the 2001 All-Star game, he grooved home run pitch to Cal Ripken Jr. To top it off, Park was a hypochondriac. One of the best moves the Dodgers ever made was not re-signing Chan Ho Park after the 2001 season.

 

> Guillermo Mota

Mota could be a douchebag for his 2003 DUI arrest, but far more douchey was the way he ran away from Mike Piazza after beaning him with a pitch in Spring Training 2003. The second Piazza headed toward the mound, Mota started backpeddling—and didn't stop until he was safely in the dugout. Throwing at someone and then trying to flee is like a high school loser tying someone's shoe laces together and then blaming it on the guy next to him. Totally chicken-shit.

 

> Pedro Astacio

Astacio had a blue glove. Enough said.


> Darren Dreifort

A former #1 draft pick. Darren Dreifort has a career record of 48-60. He's spent the majority of his career on the disabled list, but had the great timing to be a free agent when Kevin Malone was the general manager. Fifty-five million dollars. Like a bad case of herpes, Darren Dreifort never seems to go away.

 

> Delino DeShields

It wasn't Delino's fault the Dodgers were stupid enough to trade away a future Hall of Famer for him, but he played well in Montreal, and played decently in Baltimore, making sure to suck ass in LA in between. In three seasons with the Dodgers, DeShields didn't hit above .256, probably because he was too busy complaining that the Dodgers didn't have enough black guys on the team.

 

 



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