a list of Dodgers who have either f'd up big time or did nothing
but suck as a Dodger. These douchebags have made the Dodgers what
they are today.
Marshall (the outfielder) had one good season (1985) and one decent
season (1988). In between, he seemed to be a fixture on the disabled
list. Truly amazing the Dodgers hung onto him so long. He actually
missed a game once due to "overall soreness." Pedro Guerrero
might have been an idiot, but he was smart enough to know a slacker
when he saw one. Guerrero complained about Marshall constantly being
hurt and offering no protection in the lineup.
after year in the late 90's, Pena kept getting his fat chance, prolonging
the emergence of Paul LoDuca as catcher. Pena did nothing with the
Dodgers, hitting .209 with 5 home runs (from fat power) over parts
of three seasons. Eventually the Dodgers tired of his poor attitude
and work ethic, releasing the 400 pounder and freeing up food for
could run like the wind, but even the wind would still have to get
on base in the first place. Goodwin sucked for the Dodgers... sucked
so much they had to get him back for a second tour of duty with
the team. Then he went to the Giants where he proceeded to burn
the Dodgers while they were paying his salary. Then, Goodwin was
signed by the Cubs and hit .287. What an asshole.
Hundley is like that sweater you have at the back of the closet...
the one you were so excited to get a few years ago... but then completely
forgot about. And it got nasty and stale. So you threw it away.
And then it suddenly appeared in your closet again. And again, you
forgot about it. OK, a forced analogy, but the point is this: Hundley
is a waste of space but won't go away. After pretty much doing nothing
as a Dodger in '99 and 2000, Hundley departed for Chicago, where
he did even worse (.187 and .211), driving the Cubs to search for
a taker. Enter Dan Evans, who glady brought back Hundley. And he's
pretty much been on the DL ever since. Douchebag supreme.
Daryle Ward's contributions have already been forgotten, his big
fat ass will never be. Ward was acquired by the Dodgers before the
2003 season and was expected to be a backup outfielder... which
is like putting a sperm whale in left and expecting it to get to
line drives into the gap. Ward once hit as many as 20 home runs
for the Astros. With the Dodgers, he hit none. One hundred and twenty
at-bats, no home runs. One double. Three hundred and seven double
cheeseburgers. Ward hit .183 as a Dodger and soon found himself
at Triple-A Las Vegas. Of course, Ward couldn't understand why he
was sent downapparently the cheese went to his brain also.
one forgets Game 6 of the 1985 NLCS. St. Louis has two on and two
out in the 9th, down 5-4. First base is open with the slumping Andy
Van Slyke on deck. But Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda decides to
have Niedenfuer pitch to Jack Clark. Before anyone can even figure
out the reasoning, Clark crushes Niedenfuer's first pitch 450 feet.
Left-fielder Pedro Guerrero takes one look at the ball and slams
his glove to the turf. Good pitch, Tom.
parts of six-plus seasons with the Dodgers, Jose Gonzales hit .273,
.215, .188, .083, .268, .232, and .000. It was that .000 (an 0 for
28 start in 1991) that finally brought his worthless Dodger career
to an end. He was traded to Pittsburgh for Mitch Webster, and continued
to go hitless in his next 15 at-bats or something.
Ashley was a big lop of shit. At 6'6", 245 he was more suited
to be a dam than an outfielder. He spent parts of six seasons with
the Dodgers, who refused to give up on him. Yeah, really smooth...
you give up on John Wetteland after a season, but keep Ashley around
for six. The guy made embarassing mistakes in the outfield, and
his hit totals were exceeded by his strikeout totals every season
he played. Ashley hit .221, .243, .333 (6 ABs), .237, .200, and
finally .244 in his last year with the team. Last we heard, he finished
up his remarkable career in Boston, where he was being considered
as a possible replacement for the Green Monster.
it wasn't for a few good starts Perez had after the Dodgers picked
him up in late 1998, the team probably wouldn't have stuck with
him as long as they did. Of course it might also have had something
to do with the stupid-ass $15.5 million contract that Kevin Malone
signed him to. Over the course of his contract, Perez was 7-18 with
a 6.28 ERA in the majors, and 3-4 with a 6.51 ERA in the minors.
He verbally attacked Dodger management, physically attacked a water
cooler, was arrested for drunk-driving in Vero Beach, and once threatened
to shoot a Delta Airlines flight attendant during a charter flight.
A distinguished career indeed.
his two Dodger seasons, Guerrero hit .288. Hitting wasn't his problem.
Using his brain was. Despite the Dodgers' claims to the contrary,
Pedro Guerrero must have been his uncle. Hell, Wilton may have been
even dumber than Pedro. He seemed to lack all baseball fundamentals,
and didn't appear to have the capacity to learn. On one occasion
in '98, Wilton rounded second after the batter had driven one to
deep left. Seeing the ball was caught, he headed back to first--
straight across the friggin' infield. After he was called out on
an appeal, the first base coach had to explain to him what he did
wrong. If you're in the majors and don't know that you have to re-touch
second, you're a moron, plain and simple. Plus, who can forget Wilton
running to pick up the pieces of his splintered bat after he had
corked it? Classic.
is another guy the Dodgers stuck with long after he should have
been let go. He spent five years with the Dodgers, all the time
adequate with the bat but absolutely horrendous with the glove.
Offerman made 140 errors with the Dodgers, leading the universe
in miscues in '92 with 42. His .935 fielding percentage that year
ranked just above Rainman. Why the Red Sox gave this guy a $24 million
contract before the '99 season is beyond comprehension. On August
14, 2007, Offerman was playing for the Long Island Ducks in the
independent Atlantic League when he was hit by a pitch. He immediately
attacked Bridgeport Bluefish pitcher Matt Beech with his bat, breaking
Beech's finger. Bluefish catcher John Nathans was also hit in the
back of the head on Offerman's backswing, receiving a concussion
that sidelined him for the remainder of the season. Offerman was
arrested, charged with assault, and suspended by the league. He
was later sentenced to two years of special probation.
Strawberry had a ton of talent and even more money, but continually
found ways to blow it. He was given countless opportunities to turn
his life around, but he only proved what a big douchebag he is.
In November 1990, Strawberry signed a 5-year, $20 million contract
with the Dodgers, returning home in what was supposed to be a fairytale
reunion. Apparently, however, Darryl read a whole different set
of fairytales as a kid. He beat women, evaded paying taxes, and
finally failed to show up for a '94 exhibition game after going
on a drug binge. So ended his Dodger career, not to mention destroying
the value of his beautiful '83 Fleer Update card that I paid $100
even Darryl Strawberry got as many chances as Steve Howe. The 1980
NL Rookie of the Year, Howe had drug problems right from the start.
Howe was an effective reliever for the Dodgers, but admitted he
used cocaine regularly with other players (Bill Russell). He relapsed
several times after being treated, and eventually asked to be traded
from the Dodgers because he thought that the West Coast environment
encouraged his drug dependence. (Yeah, it was the location.) After
a short stay in Minnesota, however, Howe relapsed again. And then
about 4 more times with the Yankees. Even after seven drug suspensions,
the Yankees took him back one more time. Years later he was even
barred from coaching his daughter's softball team. His life, of
course, ended tragically when he rolled his pick-up in April 2006.
Cromer really isn't a douchebag, but he's so goddamn thin, there
was no place else to put him. He's listed as 6'2", 165, but
there's no way that guy weighs more than 130. Cromer played with
the Dodgers from 1997-1999, and somehow managed to hit 7 home runs
over those years. A stiff breeze--or an Antonio Osuna fart--would
have surely knocked him over.
31, 2001 was not a good day in the history of Dodger trades. Just
hours before the trading deadline, interim general manager Dave
Wallace picked up Terry Mulholland and Mike Trombley. A mediocre
reliever at best in his nine seasons with Minnesota and Baltimore,
Trombley was horrible as a Dodger. In 19 games, Trombley was 0-4
with a 6.56 ERA, helping to ensure that the Dodgers wouldn't make
it to the postseason.
the same faithful day as Mike Trombley, Mulholland was a complete
piece of crap as a Dodger. In 19 games with the Dodgers in 2001,
Mulholland racked up a 5.83 ERAand was even worse in 2002
when his ERA was 7.31 before he was finally traded. In one stretch
at the beginning of the 2002 season, Mulholland gave up something
like 7 home runs in 5 innings. An absolutely worthless douchebag.
coming to the Dodgers, F.P. was a solid 4th outfielder. In less
than a season with L.A., F.P.'s career took a nose-dive. In 81 games,
F.P. hit .197 with just nine RBIs. Maybe it had something do with
the fact his name was F.P. Or maybe it was because while with the
Giants he had taught his friggin' kid to say, "I hate the Dodgers,"
angering the baseball Gods who decided to rip him a new one. Regardless,
F.P. is now out of baseball, where he should be.
events solidified Park's fate as a Dodger Douchebag. On April 24,
1999, Park grooved two grand-slam pitches to Fernando Tatis in the
same inning. In 2001, Park grooved a pitch to Barry Bonds to give
Bonds the single-season home run record. And finally, in the 2001
All-Star game, he grooved home run pitch to Cal Ripken Jr. To top
it off, Park was a hypochondriac. One of the best moves the Dodgers
ever made was not re-signing Chan Ho Park after the 2001 season.
could be a douchebag for his 2003 DUI arrest, but far more douchey
was the way he ran away from Mike Piazza after beaning him with
a pitch in Spring Training 2003. The second Piazza headed toward
the mound, Mota started backpeddlingand didn't stop until
he was safely in the dugout. Throwing at someone and then trying
to flee is like a high school loser tying someone's shoe laces together
and then blaming it on the guy next to him. Totally chicken-shit.
had a blue glove. Enough said.
#1 draft pick. Darren Dreifort has a career record of 48-60. He's
spent the majority of his career on the disabled list, but had the
great timing to be a free agent when Kevin Malone was the general
manager. Fifty-five million dollars. Like a bad case of herpes,
Darren Dreifort never seems to go away.
wasn't Delino's fault the Dodgers were stupid enough to trade away
a future Hall of Famer for him, but he played well in Montreal,
and played decently in Baltimore, making sure to suck ass in LA
in between. In three seasons with the Dodgers, DeShields didn't
hit above .256, probably because he was too busy complaining that
the Dodgers didn't have enough black guys on the team.
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