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Despite their lack of basic baseball skills, many Dodgers have knowledge in other subjects. A few of them have volunteered to generously share their knowledge with you.


> How to Make Crack Cocaine

By Steve Howe

  1. Skip baseball game.
  2. Mix 2 parts ok coke HCL for 1 part baking soda in 20 ml of water.
  3. Heat solution gently until white precipitates form, and stop heating when precipitation stops.
  4. Filter and keep precipitate. Wash precipitate once with water..
  5. Dry 24 hours under heat lamp and snort.
  6. Prepare to be suspended from baseball for the 12th time.


> How to Save the American Flag

By Rick Monday

  1. Spot flag burners on the field.
  2. Run through the outfield and snatch flag away from vandals.
  3. Become an announcer and make it impossible for anyone to follow the game.


> How to Choke a Fan

By Chad Kreuter

  1. Jump into the stands during an inning.
  2. Follow fan up the aisle.
  3. Lunge at fan and choke vigorously.
  4. Take hat back.


> How to Get Drunk and Fall Asleep Behind the Wheel

By Carlos Perez

  1. Get knocked out of the game in the 3rd inning.
  2. Skip shower and drive to liquor store.
  3. Buy alcohol and drink quickly.
  4. Pump fists and spin around.
  5. Fall asleep.


> How to Order Lunch

By Pedro Guerrero

  1. I dont no. my I.Q be 36.



> How to Give Up Historic Home Runs

By Chan Ho Park

  1. Groove mediocre fastball down the middle.
  2. Stand on the mound and watch as ball sails over wall.
  3. Pretend like you made a good pitch.


> How to Make Wild Throws to First Base

By Steve Sax

  1. Field ground ball.
  2. Look at first baseman 20 feet away.
  3. Throw the ball at peanut guy in the stands.

(Chuck Knoblauch evidently read this.)


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