Mike Busch interviews Shawn Green at Green's house.

Mike Busch: Hey Shawn. I wanted to get this interview with you before you leave for Arizona.

Shawn Green: Make it quick, scab, I don't have a lot of time.

MB: Remember that great game you had in Milwaukee a few years back? When you had those 4 homeruns and went 6-6?

SG: Yeah.

MB: What the fuck have happened to you? You're getting $15 million a goddamn season. You should have a game like that once a month for that kind of money.

SG: Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry.

MB: Jesus Christ. I'm trying to piss you off. Don't you ever get mad?

SG: Everybody says that I don't show any emotion. How's this for emotion?

Green stands there.

MB: Nothing happened. You didn't do anything.

SG: Well, I'm crying on the inside. I don't want to leave my friends. I'm going to miss Adrian.

MB: Actually, Shawn. He's no longer on the team. He signed with Seattle.

SG: Okay, but I'm going to miss Cora. It was fun playing first base next to him.

MB: Uh, he wasn't given a new contract. He's not on the team anymore either.

SG: No kidding. Well, I'd like to get to know Steve Finley a little better since he hasn't been on the team for very long.

MB: Do you read the papers? Steve Finley is gone. Jose Lima is gone. Jose Hernandez is gone.

SG: Jose Hernandez? There was never any Jose Hernandez on the team.

MB: He played second base against lefties last year. He also played every other infield position.

SG: You're just messin' with me, right?

MB: No.

SG: Was he the big Korean guy that didn't talk to anybody?

MB: No, that's Hee-Seop Choi.

SG: Sorry, I don't remember him.

Green's phone rings.

SG: Hello… I see… That is great news.

Green hangs up.

SG: That was Depodesta. We pulled out of the trade. I'm not going to Arizona anymore.

MB: How does that make you feel?

SG: It makes me feel hungry, Mike. And since my wife just made some delicious pork chops, I think I'll have some.

MB: You're not allowed to eat pork chops.

SG: No, she's cool. She lets me eat pork chops.

MB: You're Jewish, Shawn. You're not supposed to eat pork.

SG: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Green's phone rings again.

SG: Hello… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Yeah… Thanks.

Green hangs up.

MB: Well?

SG: That was DePodesta again. They struck a new deal. It's the same deal as before only now we have to keep Kaz Ishii. Steinbrenner won't take him because his hair is too long.

MB: Are you excited to play in Arizona?

SG: Not really. I've played in Arizona before.

Green's phone rings again.
SG: Hello… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Okay, I appreciate the call.

Green hangs up.

MB: Was that DePodesta again?

SG: No, that was Carlos Delgado. Poor guy needs a job.

MB: Does it bother you that the Dodgers can't seem to make up their mind about what they want to do with you?

SG: It doesn't bother me at all. Nothing bothers me.

Green's phone rings again.

SG: Hello… Yeah… You don't say… Thanks for the update.

MB: Now what?

SG: The trade has changed. The Diamondbacks would send Vazquez here for me, Brazoban, Penny, and Edwin Jackson but DePodesta will only do the deal if he can include Gagne and get Craig Counsell back.

MB: That's insane!

SG: I know. We had Counsell back in 1999 and now we're reacquiring him? I mean, let's be honest. Counsell is no Todd Hundley.

MB: It seems like no deal is ever final with the Dodgers anymore.

Green's phone rings.

SG: Hello… No, I certainly didn't see that coming… Okay, bye.

Green hangs up.

MB: Now what?

SG: Apparently DePodesta had an ace up his sleeve. As it stands now, the Yankees would get Randy Johnson, the Diamondbacks would get me and the Dodgers would get Phoenix Suns center Amare Staudemire.

MB: None of these trades are making any sense.

SG: You're just now figuring this out.

Green's phone rings again.

SG: Hello… This is he… Yes, as a matter of fact, I am interested in saving on my long distance…