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Mike Piazza interviews
Guillermo Mota |
Mike Piazza is seated at a posh café on Beverly Blvd.
Guillermo Mota walks in. When Piazza rises to greet him, Mota runs
out of the restaurant and hops in a cab.
Mike
Piazza: I guess we'll reschedule.
The
next day
Guillermo
Mota is seated this time and waits for Mike Piazza. Mota stares
intently at the doorway, prepping himself for meeting the man who
could potentially end his life. Suddenly, Mota is startled when
Piazza, wearing a bright pink shirt, taps on him on the shoulder.
Mike
Piazza: Nice to meet you. I'm not gay.
Guillermo
Mota: You scared me, Mike Piazza.
MP:
Sorry about startling you. I like to come in the back door.
Mota
laughs and then is blinded by Piazza's bright pink shirt.
GM:
Your shirt is very pink.
MP:
It's not pink. It's "salmon."
GM:
Where do you find shirt like that?
MP:
I've had it for a while. I went looking for a fabulous shirt to
wear this morning and was wearing this when I came out of the closet.
Mota
laughs again.
GM:
You are funny man, Mike Piazza. I'm still scared of you, but you
are funny man.
MP:
Uh
thanks. So, let's get begin the interview. How did you get
started in baseball?
GM:
Everybody in my village play baseball, so I play too.
MP:
I hear you started out as a shortstop. How did you end up pitching?
GM:
I change in minor leagues when coach find out I throw hard.
MP:
Yes, hard is good. When I was in high school, I spent a lot of time
on my knees playing with balls. I guess it was only natural that
I became a catcher.
Mota
smirks.
MP:
You don't get many opportunities to hit. Do you ever take batting
practice?
GM:
No.
MP:
I once tried switch-hitting, but discovered that no matter how much
my parents wanted me to bat from the other side, I was going to
be different from what they wanted.
Mota
is trying to hold back the tears because he's laughing so hard.
Just then, a waiter who looks suspiciously like Chad Fonville arrives
to take their order. Actually, it is Chad Fonville.
GM:
My name is Chad and I'll be your waiter. Oh hey, Mike. I didn't
recognize you.
Piazza
rises and shakes Fonville's hand.
MP:
It's good to see you again, Chad. I'm not gay.
Chad
Fonville: Riiiiiight. So, have you decided what you want?
GM:
I will have chicken with no back bone. And a beer.
MP:
Bring me your biggest Polish sausage.
CF:
I see that's still your favorite. Would you like a salad?
MP:
Sure. A salad and two waters please.
CF:
We have fifty types of salad, Mike. Is there one you prefer?
MP:
I prefer to have my salad tossed.
Fonville
and Mota burst out laughing. Piazza doesn't understand why.
MP:
What's so funny?
CF:
Nothing. I'll be back in a moment with the drinks.
Fonville
leaves. Mota is trying to catch his breath.
MP:
The Dodgers have fallen behind early in a lot of games recently
yet still found a way to win. Does it mean more to win like that?
GM:
We are happy as long as we win. It does not matter how, just that
we win.
Fonville
returns with the drinks. Mota chugs half the beer. Piazza takes
his keys.
MP:
I hear ya. I found it's a lot more fun to come from behind.
Mota
spits out his beer. Fonville looks at Mota.
CF:
I really hope you're talking about baseball.
MP:
Of course I am. What else would I be talking about? I'm not gay.
CF:
Never mind.
MP:
Anyway, back to the interview. Who do you consider to be your closest
friend on the team?
GM:
I room with Jose Lima on the road. He is always so happy except
when I make hotel room dirty. He is very anal about keeping room
neat.
MP:
I find that anal is good. It's better than the other way.
Mota
spits out his beer and Fonville falls down laughing. Mota holds
his side.
MP:
What is so goddamn funny?
Fonville
crawls away laughing. Mota tries to drink his beer, but starts laughing
every time he tries.
MP:
That's it. This interview is over.
Frustrated,
Piazza gets up and leaves. Mota and Fonville watch as Piazza drives
away in his "salmon" Volkswagen Beetle convertible.
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