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> Mike Madduz interviews Duaner Sanchez

Mike Maddux has left the top part of his shirt unbuttoned. His trademark "porn mustache" is in full effect. He wears a slimy grin and large gold chain around his neck.

Mike Maddux: Hey there. Nice to meet you. The name is Mike Maddux. You've probaby heard of me.

Duaner Sanchez: Actually, I have not.

MM: Well, I do the same thing you do. You mightthink you're better at it than I am because you're younger, but let me tell you, I have much more experience than you do.

DS: Okay.

MM: I like your name. How did you come up with it?

DS: I didn't. My mom thought of it.

MM: Your mom? That's kind of kinky, but okay. Whatever you're in to. So, when you're in front of everybody, doing what you do, what kind of action do you get on your balls?

DS: Sometimes my balls will slide off to the side. Sometimes they just drop.

MM: I see. What about ball juggling?

DS: Only when I'm bored. But not while I work.

MM: Interesting. Would you be interested in filming a movie in Chatsworth with me. Just knock on the door and ask for Hot Carl.

DS: Movie? I don't know how to act.

MM: Act? Who said anything about acting? Wait a second, you're not a porn actor?

DS: No, I'm a pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

MM: Oh, my bad. You must be here for that Mike with the Mic thing my agent made me do. I heard the name Duaner Sanchez and I just assumed you were in porn.

DS: Sorry.

MM: Okay, let's I have a question for you. Have you ever had to change professions because your brother was so much better than you at the one thing you were good at?

DS: I don't have a broth-

MM: Have you ever been shunned from eating Thanksgiving dinner with your family because your younger brother was one of the best in the world at something and you weren't?

DS: Thanksgiving?

MM: Have you ever had kids run up to you with pens and autograph books and ask you if you could get your brother's autograph for them?

DS: No, I haven't--

MM: Or have woman hit on you just so they could meet your brother?

DS: I don't know what you're talk--

MM: Well guess what? I get more tail now that I'm out of baseball. In fact, I make my living banging the pink taco.

DS: Tacos?

MM: Yeah, you know...pulling the bat in and out of the bat rack?

DS: I'm sorry, I don't underst--

MM: I fuck women for a living. I fuck them this way and that way and in here and in there.

DS: In there?

MM: You can put it anywhere you can fit it in the porn world. And if you can't fit it, just keep trying.

DS: Can we talk about baseball?

MM: Why, you trying to keep from spewing your junk?

DS: My junk?

MM: Never mind. You wanna talk baseball, let's talk baseball. This girl I work with, she can fit two baseballs inside her.

DS: Inside her?

MM: Yeah, don't ask her where she keeps the resin bag though, you know what I'm saying? What am I thinking, of course you do? Hey, you know what you should try next time you get a special lady friend up to your hotel room? Get her to give you a blumkin. It feels
good in two places and it saves you time.

DS: Blumkin?

MM: Look it up or you'll be in for a big surprise if you ask for one and you don't know what it is.

DS: Can I go now?

MM: Sure, but we'll see you tomorrow out in Chatsworth. I'll let you play a ball player. You can be a pitcher for the Cleveland Steamers. Go to the back door, knock six times and ask for Abe Lincoln. He'll get you set.

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