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Mike Ramsey interviews
Robin Ventura |
A white man walks into a Denny's. A black man stands and
waves him over to his table.
Black
Man: Are you Robin Ventura?
White
Man: No, I'm Mike Ramsey. I played six games for the Dodgers
in 1985.
BM:
But I'm Mike Ramsey. I played outfield for the Dodgers in 1987 and
batted over .300 for the first 7 games of the season. It all went
downhill from there.
WM:
Holy crap! You're the Mike Ramsey who stole my identity. It's your
fault that I couldn't get a Sears card.
BM:
Sorry, Opie. Goodbye police record for robbing liquor stores and
beating my wife. Hello 75 extra points on my credit rating.
WM:
So, what are you doing here?
BM:
Dodger Blues called me to interview Robin Ventura.
WM:
They called me to interview Robin Ventura.
BM:
No shit? This is the second time in a row this has happened. Did
you know both Mike Marshalls showed up to interview Ross Porter?
WM:
Only a really crappy website with absolutely no creativity would
allow something like this to happen in consecutive interviews.
BM:
Totally. It's like they're not even trying.
WM:
Hey, there's Robin Ventura-he's about to come through the door.
Robin
Ventura enters. Both Mike Ramseys walk over to greet him.
BM:
Hey Robin, welcome to Denny's.
Robin
Ventura: Thanks, can I get a glass of water please?
BM:
Uh, I'm not the waiter. I'm Mike Ramsey. I'm here to interview you
for Dodger Blues.
RV:
Then who are you?
WM:
I'm Mike Ramsey. I'm also here to interview you for Dodger Blues.
RV:
Wait a second. This is sounding a lot like the same joke they--
BM: Yeah, yeah. We already covered that.
RV:
Okay, let's get this thing started.
WM:
Robin, you've won six gold gloves in your career. Five with the
White Sox and one with the Mets.
Ventura
smiles.
WM:
So let me ask you, what was it like getting your ass kicked by Nolan
Ryan?
RV: I wouldn't say I got my ass kicked.
BM:
Shall we role the videotape?
Ventura:
No! That's okay. In retrospect, it was pretty foolish. I was new
in the league and took exception to how he pitched me.
BM:
You also took a half-dozen right hands to the face.
Both
of the Mike Ramseys laugh. A waiter comes by to take their order.
He looks a lot like Steve Sax, only less athletic. His name tag
reads "Steve Sax's Brother."
Sax's
Brother: Can I take your order?
WM:
Uh, you guys have chicken and waffles?
SB:
No.
WM:
Do you have chicken?
SB:
Yes.
WM:
Do you have waffles?
SB:
Yes.
WM:
I'll have an order of each.
BM:
I'll have a Spanish Omelet. Egg whites only. In fact, I want it
as white as possible.
RV:
I'll have a Grand Slam breakfast.
BM:
Grand slam. That reminds me.
Ventura
smiles proudly.
BM:
When you're at the plate with the bases loaded, do you ever think
about how you got your ass kicked in 1993 by a 46 year-old Nolan
Ryan?
RV:
Is that all we're going to talk about? Nolan Ryan kicking my ass?
WM:
What else is there to discuss?
RV:
We could talk about grand slams?
BM:
You wanna talk about your breakfast?
RV:
Baseball. Grand slams.
WM:
Oh, I got you. You mean the grand slam you didn't hit in the 15th
inning of Game 5 of the 1999 NLCS against the Braves because you
only got credit for a single?
RV:
It was a grand slam.
BM:
I believe you only got as far as first base. But enough about your
prom night.
WM:
Hey-oh!
The
Ramseys high-five each other. Steve Sax's Brother returns with their
breakfasts.
WM:
So what do you do for the Dodgers now?
RV:
I sit on the bench and wait for a chance to pinch hit.
BM:
When do you pinch hit?
RV:
Jim Tracy, our manager, only lets me pinch hit against right-handed
pitchers.
WM:
What's your lifetime average against right-handed pitchers?
RV:
Two seventy-one.
BM:
What's your lifetime average against left-handed pitchers?
RV:
Two fifty-seven.
The
Ramseys look at each other.
WM:
Fourteen points difference over 16 major league seasons? Well that
makes complete sense.
BM:
Yup, that Tracy guy is a genius. He should win manager of the year.
WM:
He's got my vote.
Robin
Ventura's phone rings.
RV:
Sorry Mikes, that was Tracylooks like the pitcher's spot is
coming up. Gotta run.
WM:
Tracy is putting you in to run?
BM:
No, White Ramsey, it's an expressionit means he has to get
going. He's going to pinch-hit.
WM:
Oh, well in that case I have two quick questions. First, when the
other team brings in a lefty and Tracy calls you back to the dugout,
can we finish the interview?
RV:
Sure. What's the other question?
WM:
When Nolan Ryan was smacking you in the face
Before
black Mike Ramsey finishes his sentence, Ventura is out the door.
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