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> John Candelaria interviews Jayson Werth

John Candelaria is shaving in the Vero Beach bathroom. Somebody comes crashing through the door and stumbles into the wall. It is Jayson Werth and he pulls a baseball out of his glove to show that he made the catch.

John Candelaria: Hey Jayson. I'm John Candelaria. I was asked to interview you for the people at

Jayson Werth: There's a "Y" in my name. It's pronounced JAY-suhn.

JC: Isn't that what I said?

JW: No, you said Jason. My name is Jayson.

JC: Those sound exactly alike.

JW: But my name has a "Y" in it.

Werth walks up to a urinal. Candelaria chooses change the subject.

JC: You know, I played baseball with your uncle.

Werth looks toward the door of the bathroom and ignores Candelaria's comment. Candelaria goes back to shaving. Suddenly it registers with Werth.

JW: You know my Uncle Steve?

JC: No, your Uncle Dick. Dick Schofield.

JW: You know my Uncle Dick? From where?

JC: We played baseball together on the California Angels.

JW: You're making that up. There's no such team. You're a liar.

JC: Never mind.

Candelaria notices something suspicious about Werth.

JC: You didn't even unbutton your pants to pee.

JW: I'm not actually peeing. Just practicing my form. I'm a big leaguer now.

Werth leaves the urinal and walks to the sink. Along the way, he crashes into an air dryer.

JW: Oww, my ribs!

Werth falls to the floor in pain.

JC: I don't think you want to be down there.

Werth slowly gets up and moves to the sink to wash his hands. The water scalds him.

JW: Ahh, shit! Hot! Hot! Hot!

Werth jumps up and down in pain. He falls suddenly when he turns his ankle.

JW: I'm hit. Go on without me. Save yourself.

JC: You are a walking disaster.

JW: Hey, what was the deal with those funny hats you wore with the Pirates in the 1980s? They looked like little round cakes with stars on them?

JC: I dunno…they were just hats.

JW: Were they cake hats?

JC: No, they were not cake hats.

JW: If you still have one, I'd like a slice.

Candelaria walks to a urinal and starts to pee. Werth walks right up behind him and stands back to back with him. He puts his hand flat on his head and moves it across to Candelaria's head.

JW: You're tall. I'm taller than everybody else usually. You must be some kind of freak.

JC: Do you mind?

JW: Well, I'm not used to people being taller, but I suppose I don't mind.

Both Candelaria and Werth go to the sink to wash their hands.

JC: Let's talk about that stalker you filed the restraining order against.

JW: What stalker?

JC: A former ex-boyfriend of your wife claimed to have a video of you being unfaithful to your wife.

JW: I've never had sex with a man.

JC: I didn't say you had.

JW: Well I haven't.

Werth finishes washing his hands. He presses the button on the air dryer.

JW: Oww, my wrist! I bent my wrist back too far.

JC: You are one weird dude.

JW: I like to read "Nancy Drew" mysteries. I hear they're all about JD's mom.

JC: Uh, I gotta go. I'm need to, uh…meet Larry McWilliams for a game of Boggle.

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